Living with dh bordeline personality disorder with narscissitic tendencies

[Mrswhiskerson]

Dh has been diagnosed with boderline personality disorder with narcissitic tendencies which explians a lot of his recent behaviour he is glad he has a diagnosis and feels enlightened as to why he behaves like he does and he wants to work on changing for the better.

I want the marriage to work and to be healthy so I was wondering if anyone has experiance as to how to deal with this and if anyone knows what treatment is available ?

springydaffs - have you seen the psychopath boards from the US? There are many people going through what you are going through on there.

It's a bit full-on but very helpful. I'll link if you think it might be useful.

I have several cousins who are Ns and at least one who is a psychopath. I expect to hear about him in the news some day, his hate of certain groups is shocking. But what can I do about it? At the moment it is all words. I just hope that he is on a list of some kind with the MI6 or whoever of the country in which he lives.

I think there are others on MN with children who are disordered. Perhaps start a thread about it? My heart goes out to you.

thank you getting! It is generally deemed that I am the one with the problem (re children are perfect/disordered by their parents). I am seeing my GP this week to get a referral for an assessment just in case/to scotch that off the list. I was brought up in a family of disordered people so you do wonder if it's you....

I have tried the american boards in the past but they do seem to be very 'up' on dx etc, which I find a bit overwhelming (I don't know what they're talking about). this thread isn't as full-on but it's up there - I don't know how you find out all this stuff tbh. But I would appreciate some links getting. Thanks.

Hah ! Getting a professional to tell you that you are 'normal' is fab. I can now say with authority that I am not mad/insane/whatever after years of psychotherapy. And I wasn't before I started either!

the psychopath free forums

As for starting a thread - erm I'd take my life in my hands to do that, and I'm already pretty beleaguered as things stand. You get the hoards of people who have been fucked up by their mothers on your back, insisting you're the one with the problem. Then you get the hoards who insist children are a blank slate who get fucked up by their mothers parents; that you're in denial/blaming everybody else/not facing your own dx/etc. I wouldn't know how to word it tbf - I don't have a conclusive dx about my darling girl and there's no way to get one as she is now an adult.

x-post

I have also had years of psychotherapy and thought it was confirmed that I was the sane one in a vat of insane people. But new developments (ie my own child) and I am back to the drawing board. Thanks for the links.

springy do you have anyone you can talk to about this?

you can pm me if you would like to.

xxx

Thanks, Eurostar :)

Springy, I'm sorry I haven't managed to support you enough in your threads. And - great idea about getting a dx! Did me good

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism

the above for chipping

Facinating thread. OP, it may help you to discuss your Dh behaviour today, good and bad if you feel up to it.

Initially i thought i had a good childhood - My parents struggled financially but i had the security of knowing that they loved me & my siblings unconditionally. But then i started thinking about how it also was.
I was a very intelligent child - academically & emotionally. My parents were damaged by their terrible childhoods; & clung to their traditional working class values - The epilepsy was shameful & so were my teenage MH problems. Illness was weakness & failure. All medication was refused, drs were usually avoided. Further education was for 'posh' types, 'the dole' was shameful, all that counted was hard work, earning money & getting married because that was all my family knew. Graduates were 'bad' because they got promoted above 'the proper workers'. Also our family has an obviously foreign background but wouldn't discuss it so there were questions, comments & even racial abuse that we couldn't deal with since we had no idea why we were 'different' - i'm only now starting to find out the truth. My Mum is emotionally hard as she was so damaged, so she can't relate to my empathy for others - that's why we argue. So i can sort of now see why i have BPD; i do think i may have bipolar too as my moods have approx 2 weekly cycles of mild to severe depression, then hypomania (more apparent now i changed to (not totally effective) modern AEDs that aren't also used as mood stabilisers.
Lastly - i get some Temporal Lobe Epilepsy symptoms daily eg deja vu; also mood swings & 'odd' feelings can be actual TLE seizures. I wish the Psych team & Neurologist would actually work together!
I find that taking meds on time, keeping busy (but not getting too stressed), being with other people, & not getting hungry - they are the best things to alleviate the MH & Epilepsy symptoms for me.

I now accept & learning to like myself - flaws & all. I can't be perfect, no-one is. So i'm more content than i have ever been.. despite my problems, weight etc. & i'm not ashamed to be who i am any more.. :-)

Also.. i was scared to learn that the odd feelings / experiences / paranoia i get could be 'psychotic symptoms'. But to me those 'symptoms' ARE normal. I only learnt relatively recently that others don't see things as i do.. Ironically most 'normal' people i know (inc. Drs & nurses) who would judge me do have 'odd' beliefs too..
Eg: they believe the Bible or Koran without question; they believe in old superstitions, ghosts, spirits, auras, orbs, past lives, mediums, everything the Media tells them, the Resurrection, the Virgin Mary, Angels, Satan, that it's the 'End Times' etc. But that's fine because those people have no MH diagnosis & therefore cannot possibly be irrational, deluded or psychotic.

Re: Narcissists & sociopaths - i've met many people who are: selfish; vain; heartless bullies; uncaring; hateful & nasty; blatant liars - maybe they're sociopaths? Whatever they are - soft people like me fall for their BS because it is SO HARD to get your head round the fact that some people just don't have a real 'nice side' at all.

Also; SO many people (eg some colleagues) are very vain, self-promoting & martyr-like; they tell everyone their problems but have no true interest in anyone else - i guess they may be Narcs? Why would anyone want to stand out like that so everyone notices them?

I can only discuss my health on this anonymous forum. I almost lost my job before i could admit to why i was really off sick. Most colleagues don't even know i've got epilepsy. Finally i'm having to be more honest & less private but omg i hate it!! So no, i don't understand Narc behaviour at all.

my childhood experiences are similar to yours Latara - except I never thought I had a 'happy childhood'. It sounds as though you knew you were loved by your parents, despite their many personal difficulties and prejudices. It's not surprising you have struggled with MH issues if you grew up in a soup like that.

I also get what you mean about other people's 'insanity'!

Latara you make excellant point. On SN children it is often commented everyone has different degrees of the ASD 'spectrum' also! I guess it is the severity, frequency and how it impacts of functioning on emotional, psychological and physical levels that then it goes from 'normal' (hate that word) to abnormal! How each person judges that is different even following DSM/ICD codes their is always a very small element of judgement/own beliefs....but doubt it actually effects the diagnosis? You sound very empowered and in control of your disorder...well done it is definitly an important factor to remaining in control of your own wellbeing:)

Latara you have great insight. The trouble is that the medical model of disability puts us in a position where we constantly feel we are defective and need to be fixed. It is so hard with epilepsy to separate the symptoms and then there are meds in the mix to confuse us even more. I am quite glad now that I stayed well away from the talking therapy when I was younger, it's obvs much better now but back in the day it was Freud or nowt and that would have sent me into certain confusion.

ah yes, things may not be perfect but, oh my, better than in the old days

Thank you GB for link missed your post earlier.
Btw does breaking chickens necks (pet chickens) count as JuvD? Getting stoned and drug and having sex at 12 yrs old? Not me lol!