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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I fighting for my marriage or begging?

631 replies

cwtchy · 28/03/2012 15:28

I've been with my DH 14 years, and married for 5 of them. We have a 2 yo and a 4 yo. Things haven't been great for a while as often happens with 2 babies, but DH also works shifts and I work on his days off, which means we have had almost zero time to ourselves since the DCs were born.

DH has told me this week he doesn't love me anymore and it's the end of our marriage.

I'm bloody devastated. I love him as I've always done and was looking forward to our youngest starting nursery this sept so we could have more time together - I was so looking forward to that. He says however that it's gone on too long for him and the love just isn't there any more for him.

I don't want to just let him go, and have told him exactly how I feel, asked him to come to counselling with me, asked for the separation to be a trial one. But he is refusing and says he doesn't want to drag the pain out for me. Should I be trying everything to keep him, or do I deserve better and let him get on with it? I just feel like he hasn't even tried. We used to have such a fantastic relationship. I don't want to beg someone to stay with me who doesn't love me. But I also want to fight for what we had.

OP posts:
comewwhinewithme · 17/05/2012 12:12

I know exactly how you feel Cwtchy. I had images constantly flying through my head of him and ow.
I know it is easier to say then do but leave him and his drama to it. Don't stop him taking the dc to OW the drama created by doing this will bring them closer together. It killed me but I agreed to dc staying with him and ow for the weekend and 2 days before they were due to go he turned up here asking me to marry him Hmm, 2 hours later I had OW here screaming the odds but that's another story.
Anyway he is now living with his mum and feeling very sorry for himself.
I think when he saw me getting on with life and enjoying myself he had a massive wake up call and he didn't like it at all.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is as hard as it is leave him to it.
Good luck with the date.

comewwhinewithme · 17/05/2012 12:14

And give the dc a couple of cans of red bull before they are due to go visit your ex and ow. [Wink] Grin

comewwhinewithme · 17/05/2012 12:14

And give the dc a couple of cans of red bull before they are due to go visit your ex and ow. [Wink] Grin

cwtchy · 17/05/2012 13:56

Ok I now now she is moving in with him. Hence his reaction when I mentioned her and the DCs last night. He hasked me for my solicitors details.

CWWM, he sounds unhinged! The drama, the drama. Well, if you live and work with someone you will know them extremely well quite quickly.....

OP posts:
cwtchy · 17/05/2012 13:59

Sorry for mistakes, on phone again.

OP posts:
sternface · 17/05/2012 15:22

When do you think this affair started cwtchy?

Not 8 weeks ago, presumably?

fiventhree · 17/05/2012 15:27

Cwtchy

My exh from 23 years ago didnt leave over an OW, but he had another one pretty quick, and another after that. His only child quickly took second place behind all his other priorities, despite the fact that he was previously dotty about her.

In my view, once most men get a new relationship, their attitude to their kids changes. I agree with Midwife. We could all quote many examples, and I am sure you can yourself.

They may carry on seeing their children, but they are very often second place, not first, to the new relationship and new life.

I think this is very often the case quite regardless of the type of man he is, his principles, views, past behaviour, or anything else.

You may be luckier than many, of course, some are. But I wouldnt count on it, and what you thought you knew about him before this happened to you will not help you one bit to predict the outcome for the children in the future.

It is almost more hurtful to see your children change in his priority list than anything else.

I found after a year of so wrangling about this sort of issue, that the easiest thing to do was to assume he would offer nothing, accept it (seriously), and allow him to have them, with notice of course, whenever he wanted.

Not because you are a pushover, far from it, but because it is an unwinnable battle, and he will be the loser long term in their eyes if he fucks it up. He really will, as any child brought up with divorced parents can tell you, where the non resident parent hasnt made enough effort.

midwife99 · 17/05/2012 15:36

Spot on fiventhree

cwtchy · 17/05/2012 22:50

Sternface, I'm guessing it started November time when they first met. I don't think he went looking for it, I think she flattered him, maybe they had work and other stuff in common, she looks like me only a few years younger, etc... He thinks he is in love with her, I'm sure. I can only hope he gets his heart broken; I was his first love so he's never experienced it. He's due a fall.

Thanks five, he has been woeful with regards the DCs so far, and I'm not expecting an improvement. Why can't he call in the morning to say have a nice day at school to his daughter? Because it would either involve waking up too early or making him feel bad.

OP posts:
BeforeAndAfter · 17/05/2012 23:17

Fiventhree's summed it up back there:

...what you thought you knew about him before this happened to you will not help you one bit to predict the outcome for the children in the future...

I'm sorry to say it but that wise statement is not just about the kids but everything.

fiventhree · 18/05/2012 06:23

Folks, the reason I am so certain that this is right, is because said DD is now nearly 25. She is happy, independent, lives away, a graduate, responsible, and has a good job and a fun life. She is lovely.

She is also articulate, and, probably because female, has been very open with me for years about how she feels about her dad. She loves him, and still sees him and his partner now, but she knows well that he wasnt always there for her.

As a teenager and since, she has had him as a fairly low priority too. For example, she would never spend Xmas with him, and when she used to come home from uni he was the last to get a visit, after me and her friends.

This upset him considerably, and his bloody partner tried to guilt trip her about it. She came to me about this just quite bewildered really, sort of puzzled. She could not see what was wrong.

Well, we can, cant we ladies?

In her eyes she wasnt wrong. She was just treating him how she thought she should, ie, echoing back to him the relationship which he in fact had taught her to have with him.

Our relationship with our kids as adults is usually a mirror in many ways our our past relationship with them as children.

Or, to put it simply, they give back what they got, as they see no other way.

And why shouldnt they!

Cautionary tale there for your h, Cwtchy, not that he will heed it.

midwife99 · 18/05/2012 07:25

I totally agree. My eldest are now 18 & 19. When their Dad & I split when they were 6 & 7 he immediately went to USA for over a year & didn't see them or pay any maintenance at all. When he moved back to the UK (only because his new GF was refused re entry there cos she had been there illegally) he moved to the north of Scotland 400 miles away from where we live! They saw him reluctantly once or twice a year (I had to drive them over halfway or he wouldn't see them) & a phone call maybe once a month. Eventually when they were teenagers they decided they couldn't be bothered to go all the way to Scotland & haven't seen him for 3 years. He won't be invited to university graduations or weddings, most likely just because they actually won't think of inviting him, not as a protest. It's less painful to just accept that contact will always be to suit the ex not you or the kids.

caza4 · 18/05/2012 21:43

cwitcy have been following your story how are you?

cwtchy · 20/05/2012 17:03

Hi caza - I'm kind of ok, it's a new kind of ok that I don't like at all, but there you go.

STBXH has refused a separation agreement and wants a divorce. So I'm asking my solicitor to start things off tomorrow. I don't think we are going to disagree on anything, so i could be divorced in 4 months apparently.

You will all hate me saying this, but I have been hoping we could reconcile. I still can't stop hoping. How do I deal with that? His parents divorced and got back together for a few years after they had divorced, so how do I get those thoughts out of my head? the facts are staring me straight in the face, in fact I am being beaten round the head repeatedly with them, but still I can't give up the thought that we are supposed to be together.

I've got a few things to look forward to though...I've just booked a surfing
Lesson! I'm also going to see Coldplay in London at the start of June. And biggest of all, my sister has just accepted a job teaching English....in Seoul. I'm going to work some overtime and go out to stay with her for a week. So good stuff happening to me, hopefully.....

OP posts:
BeforeAndAfter · 20/05/2012 17:35

Hey Cwtchy

I know you've been hoping for a reconciliation and I totally get it, I really do. I'll trot out what you already know - the passage of time does make it easier every time you get banged round the head by those sneaky thoughts.

You're doing the right thing with the surfing and planning a trip to see your sister in Seoul and even though you plan these thing with a heavy heart and a trudge in your step, you know it's the right way of dealing with things. The alternative is that you become a self-pitying hermit who never moves forward (or you become Glenn Close ... which though the thought of haunting these bastards has its plus points isn't really viable in the long term).

I'm having to redo my Form E, house valuations and paperwork because H has taken so long to do his paperwork that all my stuff is out of date! At least now I have the court timetable in place he HAS to do it. I'm trudging through it with a heavy heart but I know that when I get to the other side of the divorce it should all feel a bit brighter because at least I'll know the score and will know what my assets are so I can control my destiny. Like you I can't say I'm loving it but I'm doing it.

I'm a year on. I don't cry anymore but I seem to be totally listless these days and have no zest for life (I don't even want go ram hunting!) BUT I keep going because that's the right thing to do. Sorry I'm not peppering you with fake positivity but you don't strike me as someone who wants that and getting through this needs brutal honesty with yourself AND with those going through the same thing because when life throws you a curve ball like this sometimes you just have to accept that the medicine tastes vile and get on with it.

Take care

B&A x

AnyFucker · 20/05/2012 17:43

cwtchy, who would we hate you ?

you have to move on though, love, the messages he is giving you have been very clear right from the start

he isn't the man you thought he was

grieve for that person, and hold on to the fact you will meet a better person than him

and if you don't....would you really want to be someone's second best ? A fall-back? A soft landing where your clothes get washed, your meals get cooked and you can do what the fuck you like ?

You are not that sort of woman, cwtchy, you are nobody's mug. Remember that.

midwife99 · 20/05/2012 17:50

It's natural to feel that way honey especially if his patents reconciled after divorce. However in a few months you'll be relieved he's not your problem anymore I think. You'll start to look at him in a new clearer way & think OMG wtf did I see in you?!!! Meanwhile making plans for things to look forward to is a great idea. Chin up chuck - you'll be ok [hug]

ToothbrushThief · 20/05/2012 18:35

What they said ^

I fully understand. You are a loving woman. There isn't a switch that can change who you are just because he is not the man that you deserve.

Two years...two long yrs it took for me to disengage from and abusive ex. In that time I had a ball and did lots of fun things. He still crept into my head at wrong moments, music on the radio...pictures, events etc. It will pass

ToothbrushThief · 20/05/2012 18:36

I thought it would never ever pass. It reduced in intensity so that it was bearable but still frustrating. Then suddenly... I was free. I'd also compartmentalised 'it'. I realised it wasn't my fault in anyway and I was healed

cwtchy · 27/05/2012 19:34

Argh! STBXH had taken DCs to his mothers for the weekend. Upon their return, DD tells me how OW stayed too!!! And his mother gave her a big hug. This only blew up at the end of March, I feel like his mother has completely betrayed me by allowing this so soon. I think it's fucking disgraceful and obviously this is where STBXH has inherited his excellent moral standards from.

She stayed with me last Monday night, and we chatted about him and our marriage for hours, "oh I'll always support you, you will always be part of my family..." what complete and utter bollocks.

I'm posting all this on here to stop me from ringing one of them and going completely mental. They slept in the same bed in her house FFS. I'm not close to my family and his family has been mine for 15 years. I'm well aware this was going to happen with time, but Jesus.

I've got a solicitors appointment tomorrow to start my divorce petition.

OP posts:
bbface · 27/05/2012 19:57

I am fuming on your behalf. That is disgraceful of your inlaws. No other word for it, disgraceful.

Don't bother ringing, you are above engaging with them. From now on be chilly with them.

Just picking up your suggestion to grass up the relationship to his bosses... as tempting as that is... pls DO NO DO IT! Again, keep your dignity. Trust me, working together AND living together.... that is going to bring about the end of their relationship quicker than if they work apart. Added to which, keep yourself above these kind of squabbles. It will not make you feel any better, and unite your husband and the OW

xxx

midwife99 · 27/05/2012 20:11

Oh honey! Vent your spleen with us & ignore the lot of them. MIL will always be stbxh's mummy unfortunately. Detach from her too. Angry

cwtchy · 27/05/2012 20:31

I've just thrown some stuff around the garage to make myself feel better. His stuff, of course.

His dad and stepmum have had a chat with me and told me that they don't want to meet the OW at the moment, but when things have settled they will let me know before they do. I really appreciated that. I'm not expecting them to take my side at all. But a bit of decency is all I ask!

Not surprising that STBXH has ceased all contact with his dad too. Yes that will be because he's not telling him that all is fine, you do what you want to be happy, son.

OP posts:
skyebluesapphire · 27/05/2012 20:44

Ive been following your thread as its been a bit similar to mine - husband walked out, doesnt love me any more, wont go to Relate etc. He did call it a trial separation, then led me on for a few weeks, then wrote a nasty letter and ended it.

I am now divorcing my H as he is adamant he doesnt love me any more and will not come back. He says he doesnt see the point in rushing into divorce as neither of us have anyone else..... But I dont want to have the divorce hanging over me for longer than necessary, so I have started divorce proceedings. Its very sad and very scary and is not what I wanted to do. I hoped beyond hope that we would be able to reconcile, but its not going to happen.

I wish you well with your journey.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2012 21:28

No big surprises, cwtchy, sorry x