Am I fighting for my marriage or begging?

[cwtchy]

I've been with my DH 14 years, and married for 5 of them. We have a 2 yo and a 4 yo. Things haven't been great for a while as often happens with 2 babies, but DH also works shifts and I work on his days off, which means we have had almost zero time to ourselves since the DCs were born.

DH has told me this week he doesn't love me anymore and it's the end of our marriage.

I'm bloody devastated. I love him as I've always done and was looking forward to our youngest starting nursery this sept so we could have more time together - I was so looking forward to that. He says however that it's gone on too long for him and the love just isn't there any more for him.

I don't want to just let him go, and have told him exactly how I feel, asked him to come to counselling with me, asked for the separation to be a trial one. But he is refusing and says he doesn't want to drag the pain out for me. Should I be trying everything to keep him, or do I deserve better and let him get on with it? I just feel like he hasn't even tried. We used to have such a fantastic relationship. I don't want to beg someone to stay with me who doesn't love me. But I also want to fight for what we had.

No I think still no contact. But a cheapie iron from Argos tomorrow. Oh and change the locks so he can't get in & take anything else! (if it's a jointly owned house get solicitor's advice first!!)

Oh, not the old "I have to do my ironing in the car" routine . The iron? WTF?

Accidentally on purpose lose your keys so you had no choice but to change the locks then forget to let him know... what with having to get on with everything alone, it just slipped your mind.

So how come he has access to the house? Is he looking after the kids in your house when you're working or is he sneaking in behind your back?

Oh and password protect everything, if haven't already. Do you have somewhere you can lock away important docs? If not, get them to your Mum's for safekeeping if he's not snaffled them already.

The iron??

Who for?

Change the locks.

My STBXH took the sewing machine and the shoe polish!! (Go figure!)

Was it a particularly lovely iron?? Sentimental value perhaps??

I agree - just buy a new iron and don't contact him!

I actually came home rather tipsy one night when STBXH was supposed to be coming to collect crockery and towels and bedding (lucky OW getting my cast-offs)the next day and I hid some things .. couldn't find them the next day!!

I couldn't find the kitchen scales so I presumed that he had taken them ... and bought a new set .. found them a couple of weeks later!

I now have a 'don't drink and hide' rule

Years ago, my first h kept the keys, and used to come and clean my bathroom when he babysat. It wasnt even dirty, especially, but he would leave the jif and cloth on the sink to show his work.

I should never have let him babysit at mine. And definitely not have a key.

Do change the locks.

My ex took the toothpaste, the teddy bear pictures off my DDs bedroom wall, my DS's Tigger pyjama case, the 3 piece suite & my bed while I was doing the school run. He had been ordered to leave the house by a magistrate & to hand the keys over but didn't. His solicitor physically removed them from him in the end!!! I should have changed the locks in the first place.

I have also lurked throughout this thread and applaud you for your strength and resiliance and honesty. And also to the ladies that have been so supportive thus far.

My small piece of advice is to go and buy yourself some new bedlinen. There is something affirming in sleeoping in sheets he hasn't used.

Have been reading this thread from start to finish - Ive found it so sad. I've been there as many of us have. (ex had an affair behind my back when our DS was not a year old which resulted in a child!).. I found all that lot out in a letter from oh... Anyway - just want to say cut to now - I'm with a lovely man who is everything he wasn't and treats me like I deserve to be treated - so you will get through this horrible time and be a better, stronger woman for it! he's a dickhead.. x

I agree with amnesia! I bought a new bed (he pinched mine as below), new bedding, new curtains & turned my bedroom into a super gorgeous girly boudoir. It smelt lovely & it felt fabulous!! The eventual lovers visited & worshipped me in it & were sent home so as not to spoil it!

I know you are not supposed to but I changed the locks. I did it myself - just bought a new lock and googled it.

TT, that is impressive.

I remember repainting the bedroom. So lovely not to have to pick up socks and old pants.

There are some advantages.

My bedroom was redecorated (me) and I bought new bedding. Youngest DC's room - I stripped the wallpaper and ceiling paper and redecorated with some very loud pink flowery wallpaper which he would have hated and I do now but she loves.

I felt the need to stamp me upon the house.

Mine took the tool box because I "wasn't safe" to be left with it (very useful)
the bolts off the front and back door
the computer and scanner! grrr

I drove to B and Q bought a basic tool box for £14.99, the lock barrel to replace the front door lock, and 4 new shiny bolts . Took 35 minutes to re-equip house and fit new security measures.

It took him ALL DAY to write the note explaining what he had taken! and he forgot to actually move his stuff out (which was what he was supposed to be doing). So he had to wait a bit for clothes...........

I must admit that seven weeks after ex buggering off with OW i do still 'him' but i dont miss his smelly socks and pants, him farting in bed and stinking out the toilet! :)

On the subject of taking things.

When I went to collect my things from my home, the day after I left, I took all the documents, and ended up taking some that ex thought were funny (eg. manuals, etc). Just because they were all muddled up together and I was trying to pack my things and DS's in less than 1 h.

But then, when he left to return to his parents, he took "his" bath towel. :o
He was travelling by plane to his parents! And he had a few days to pack.

And he forgot some important things like clothes and his winter jacket.

I think he expected to return home shortly after. I didn't.

Some good news for me today.

I had the house valued, by an estate agent that has lots of very similar houses marketed on my estate. He has two families who are ready to proceed, and looking for exactly my type of house - they had both offered on one in the next street, but didn't get it. They may be round to view tomorrow! The agent wants to get them here before I've even signed a contract.

It would be fantastic if I could get out of here quickly. Show H I'm moving on, literally :)

wow! your ex-DH is going to SHIT himself!

brilliant - good on you!

watching and learning from you cwtchy

Cwtchy- I sold speculatively and overnight a month ago, and the agent, who normally charges alot more, charged 0.75% only, as he had very little work to do.

So do negotiate.

That's great cwtchy

Excellent.

I text him to let him know.

His response was " oh ok" .

Ha ha ha ha

I have a night out planned for tonight and tomorrow. Today I am good

Excellent news cwtchy x