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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Starting Again, Moving Forward...Onwards and Upwards ! :)

999 replies

Startingagain88 · 27/03/2012 14:33

Following all your wonderful messages of love and support since my partner of 15yrs up and left for OW, my previous thread reached the 1000 post mark and so i'm starting this new thread with a more uplifting subject title!!

Its only three weeks in since EXDP left and so i know i have a long way to go...but slowly each day I'm feeling more positive and believing that my life can be wonderful without him!

Here's the link to my old thread -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1421736-In-shock-cant-quite-believe-it-Long-Sorry

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/05/2012 18:01

when I stand at the top of a hill, I get an overwhelming urge to see what it would be like to throw myself off

there is a name for that feeling, I can't remember it just now

so what I do is, I limit my contact with hills

I don't use any risky behaviour around hills

I make myself aware that me and hills will never do each other anything good

I remember that hills are very dangerous to those with an urge to throw themselves off

startingagain88 · 14/05/2012 18:03

He has really got into my head again, god i feel like i am back to the start, sitting here crying over him.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/05/2012 18:04

go climb a hill, it would be safer

AnyFucker · 14/05/2012 18:09

better still, stay hee and talk it out of your system

only4tonight · 14/05/2012 18:09

I feel that if you remembered seeing that wedding ring finger every time you think of him it will put you off contacting him. If nothing else remember that right now being back together would be the worst thing for you both. He needs to fight his own deamons and he can't do that with you around so even if you do still care for him you have to let him go.

startingagain88 · 14/05/2012 18:10

Couldnt i help him fight?

OP posts:
Xales · 14/05/2012 18:11

Please stay strong Starting. You have come so far.

You are feeling so low because you have realised that this stupid stupid man has thrown you and your 15 years of love and devotion away for an 8 week shag (plus whatever happened before). At the end of the day that is how little you meant to him and it is a complete fucked up waste.

You don't know if they have split up.
You don't know if they got married and that was a mini honeymoon at their lovely 5* weekend away.

You do know he is a liar.
You do know that he has told you he wants nothing to do with you and you are on your own.
You do know that all he is after is your money, a roof over his head and a shower.

Take your phone apart and unplug your home phone. Then if you want to contact him come and chat to us before you go plug the phone in or reboot it. That few minutes may stop you making an (in my opinion) massive mistake.

Please re read your two threads.

You deserve better!

only4tonight · 14/05/2012 18:11

Also get a cheap pay as you go phone. Give that no putting the people you want to talk to then you only have to turn your other phone on in your stronger moments to delete his messages and pick up any others about work etc

Xales · 14/05/2012 18:12

What are you going to help him fight Starting?

He didn't want you. He didn't want to help you out. He allowed OW to send you abusive texts. He subtly threatened your house.

He does love you. He loves your money.

only4tonight · 14/05/2012 18:14

No. Fighting alcoholism and fighting for a relationship after an affair are 2 of the hardest things people can do. You absolutely CANNOT do them at the same time. Trying will ensure failure on both counts.

startingagain88 · 14/05/2012 18:16

I just feel so alone, i want him to hold me :(

OP posts:
Xales · 14/05/2012 18:18

If you gave him that £2k a week ago. He would be with her spending it on drink.

He would not be there holding you.

I know it is really really hard. You will end up miserable in the long run if you give in now.

This flu jab V flu.

Take the smaller hurt now.

It really is the smaller one. /hug

only4tonight · 14/05/2012 18:19

No. You want someone to hold you. HE is not the answer. You have people here and one day soon you will be held with the love and respect you deserve. That day is coming and the sooner HE is behind you the sooner that will come.

springydaffs · 14/05/2012 18:22

ah yes it's no wonder that the desire to be with him again is very very strong. This is what happens if youi get in his orbit again - he will pull you with an irresistible pull. This is what I meant about weaving a web around you, they go straight for the heart, bypassing the head. You know he is toxic and a liar and he only wants to get his feet under the table because he wants your money and a warm, comfortable home. You know this starting. But you heard his voice and spent time with him... it does undo a lot of the tremendous work you've done so far. Hats off to you!

He is like a drug to you and the pull will be immensely strong. Try to ride it out because nothing good will come of it - in fact, the chances of you having your heart stamped on again is very very high. You wouldn't want to go back to that awful pain again would you?

As for helping him - sweetie, there is absolutely nothing anyone can do for an addict, they have to do it all themselves. Every single bit of it. If you, or anyone, starts 'helping' you are enabing the addiction to keep going. He will use you and suck you dry (remember that? that's what he's been doing all along...) and in no way will your 'help' help him to recover.

Try to hold on starting. re-read your threads. stay strong sweetie.

startingagain88 · 14/05/2012 18:29

You are all helping me so much.... i just feel so lonely and desperate for him atm, thoughts of not wanting to be here are coming into my head again :(

Would he really come back just to use me?- he did drink but this escalated with her and now he wants to get well, could this be a new start for us?

This is all so hard, i hate this.

OP posts:
fiventhree · 14/05/2012 18:35

Starting, she is NOT the reason he drinks. He is the reason.

I wonder if a shadow in your head is telling you that it isnt his fault, in order to justify taking him back? It is his fault. It is. And anyway, you know nothing really, about her.

It is clear as day that he is using you. It is clear as day that, even if he doesnt believe or see it himself, he wants to run home to mummy because he has fucked up, and it means he does not have to do that very uncomfortable thing, which is to take real responsibility for his life, his messes and how he treats others. Because if he comes back to you, he wont have to. That, sadly, is your attraction for him.

So sorry to be so blunt.

Doha · 14/05/2012 18:41

He doesn't want you Starting, he wants into your house for a roof over his head and someeone to sponge off of. He wants your money and wont be happy till he has it and then he will be off again.
If he really wanted you the Twat wouldn't have left in the first place.

You are scared of being alone and lonely, that is very clear from your posts but l feel that you would be lonlier with this man anad your self respect will be in the gutter.
Please please listen to all the above posters. This man is NOT good for you and you deserve so much better...

Xales · 14/05/2012 18:42

Say you call him and he comes around.

He wraps his arms around you and hugs you - just like he has been doing to her the last 8 weeks (plus affair time).

Even if a hug is all you have do you think he will be thinking of you or her and your money?

He kisses you - just like he has been doing to her the last 8 weeks (plus affair time).

You have sex - just like he has been doing to her the last 8 weeks (plus affair time).

Will you use a condom? Do you know if he has had safe sex with her the last 8 weeks (plus affair time). You have no idea of her sexual health, no idea of his. You will be risking yourself if you don't use one. Do you even have condoms there?

What if he hasn't had safe sex with her and she comes back in a few weeks and is pregnant? Or makes this up to get at him because she is a psycho (just look at the texts supposed to be from her).

Do you honestly think even to yourself after all the things he has said and done while happy with her the last 8 weeks that he will be thinking of you when he hugs, kisses or has sex with you? Will he be comparing you to her?

He only now loves you, is sorry and wants to make it work because he doesn't have a better option right now.

Would he really come back just to use me? - yes just like he has for the last 15 years while you did everything.

could this be a new start for us? - no. I think it will be the end of you. Slowly you will lose all respect for yourself, you will never be able to trust him (nor should you). I also honestly think he would do it again.

fiventhree · 14/05/2012 18:48

He is wanting to come back, also, because he doesnt want to face his addiction.

I simply cannot count the number of addicts who I know have done this, and got away with it. Until they dont any more. And then, they may sort themselves out.

Why be his safety net? It isnt good for you, and you deserve better. And it isnt even any good for him.

AnyFucker · 14/05/2012 18:51

please listen to us, starting

we have your best interests at heart....he only has his selfish "needs"

midwife99 · 14/05/2012 19:25

Please listen to us - he just wants your house & your money. How could you bear to have him near you with OW's name tattooed on his ring finger?!! Think of how he allowed her to send you abusive texts. Think how he wiped the floor with you. Think how he threatened you with taking your house. Throw your phone in the sea if necessary!! PLEASE don't let him back. He will destroy everything. Angry

PooPooInMyToes · 14/05/2012 19:29

Do you mind if i say why I wouldn't take him back if it were me . . . the thought of his cock up another woman (sorry to be crude), that would make me feel ill! I couldn't never go near him after that. Every time i looked at it i would imagine where it had been. Had he given her oral sex? Probably. I would think that every time i looked at his mouth.

Sorry to be so blunt. I just don't know how people get over that. And that's before you even get to the important stuff about how he lied, cheated, told you he didn't love you, tried to get money out of you, left you with a half done house and no job, whilst taking her on holidays etc.

PooPooInMyToes · 14/05/2012 19:31

Maybe it would help to get out tonight? Meet up with one of your new friends? Go to the cinema?

midwife99 · 14/05/2012 19:38

I wish I was nearer - I'd come round Sad

RoxyRobin · 14/05/2012 19:39

Starting, all through your thread I have thought what a weak, characterless man this seems. You, on the other hand, have shown real guts in pulling yourself of the floor and facing the world on your own.

Even without his infidelity you strike me as an ill-matched couple. He is not good enough for you. He will drag you down.

You say he turned into a different man when he met OW, but he will always have had the seeds of this bad behaviour within him - they were just waiting for the opportunity to flourish. What may perhaps have seemed an easygoing, relaxed, laid-back attitude was just his weak-willed nature.

He may make his contrition sound plausible, but that is only because like the best liars he convinces himself. He is sorry only for himself. And let's not forget that when he tried to force his way back into your life he didn't even say any of this stuff about realising he loved you - he merely implied you might be in with a chance in a few weeks once he got himself installed! It was only when he realised you weren't in fact going to give him bed and board that he suddenly found he loved you - as opposed to this vague, namby-pamby 'caring' he yaps on about (which doesn't seem to require any effort on his part).

I'm not a dyed-in-the-wool kick-to-the-kerber; I've seen some marriages which have survived infidelity quite well - and one is among the strongest, most loving ones I know. However, even I think this man is bad news. And btw, if you think you are going to be able to help him stop drinking, you are kidding yourself. He can only do that himself, and I consider him too weak-willed to manage it. He'll always turn to drink, I reckon.

However, it is your life and your decision. But as I said up-thread, whatever you do don't let your decision on this be hasty. Especially just because you want a cuddle. Rather than do that, get the train up here to the North East and I'll give you a cuddle.

Honestly, Starting, too much is at risk. You'd need to put a great deal of careful thought into whether you really want to let him into your life, and not decide just because you're going through a bad patch. So many women on this board go on about 'the rollercoaster'; you were riding the crest last week but have surged downwards into a dip because of all the ex-inspired turmoil.

You must not let him into your house or give him money - this is of paramount importance. If he really loves you so much let him man up and support himself, then come back and show you what he's done to prove his sincerity. People are losing their jobs all over the country (especially here in the NE!) but they have to manage somehow. You must not help him - let him help himself. It will do him good, apart from anything else.