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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP just been very agressive with DS

329 replies

laurel123 · 20/03/2012 08:44

I don't know what to do, basically DP has completely lost it with DS (11) this morning. DP overheard DS calling me a twat and being aggressive towards me, ( I was trying to get him ready for school) DS has been pushing the boundaries lately but when he finishes his strops he will apologise and have a cuddle .Now I know DS should not speak to me or behave like that but I think DP reaction is totally over the top. He pushed him around grabbed him by the neck and screaming in is face, he threatened to take him to the top of the garden and "beat him to death" Shock if he ever spoke to me like that again. I have managed to calm things down and DS is now off to school but obviously very upset, my heart is breaking for him. I am just sitting here a bit shell shocked and very upset. I have told DP that his behaviour is totally over the top, yes I agree DS should not speak to me like this but this is all wrong. I have told DP if DS speaks to someone at school he could find himself arrested. What would you do? I need to think calmly. I am not scared of DP and he is not an aggressive normally, I know when he calms down he is going to be mortified. I just want some thoughts on the best way to handle this.

OP posts:
Rhinosaurus · 22/03/2012 21:52

I don't know for sure what he would do to someone in a supermarket car park, do you?

Perhaps he finds it a great deal more upsetting and disrespectful to hear their son talk that way to his mother in their own home, than a stranger outside the home?

I know I would.

seeker · 22/03/2012 22:10

I justbthink if you actually find yourself saying "he's not aggressive normally" then there's a problem.

garlicbutter · 22/03/2012 23:59

A person who goes for the throat when they feel "upset" is not safe to be around.

A person who only does it in private is not out of control.

Neither scenario is in any way acceptable.

The fact that so many Mumsnetters seem to think it's better to assault your child than another adult is depressing.

I'm hiding this thread for a few days.

Birdsgottafly · 23/03/2012 00:54

This is described on several posts as "serious" abuse, it is a one off abusive incident that any professional would have a duty to refer if disclosed, but would likely not meet social care thresholds

Sorry but it would instigate an investigation, which wouldn't help the situation, tbh. The school would at least put him under pastoral care.

That is by the by, it isn't acceptable to lose control to that extent. Were is the example, that is so important,to teenage boys,on how tocontrol your temper and not hit out at anyone weaker than you, because you can?

I totally agree with those that use the DV analogy. The remarks about the son putting on the sobbing, is something that you would hear from a defending solicitor. Who wouldn't be scared if someone quite capable of killing them, pushed them around and assaulted them, infront of a witness, who did nothing to defend you and then threatened to kill you?

Who hasn't muttered an insult under their breath and read the threads on here, we don't always respect our parents to the extent that we should, even as adults.

It should have been handled in a completely different way.

The DS is in danger of growing upinto a very angry young man, who without help will take that into adulthood.

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