For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

[pollyblue]

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope!

How wonderfully exciting. Hope it goes well for you

thanks joblot

just a wee bump in case likeatonne missed this....

am itching to know how she's getting on

Bump too.
pollyblue - I am a nosey bugger too!

Perhaps we should ask MN HQ for a nosy old bag concerned emoticon thecook! I try not to be, but sometimes I just can't help myself

Sorry but it's gonna be long [sigh].A bit of an update.
Hi polly, I did miss it as I wasn't much on MN in hte last week, but tonight i was actually going to find my thread and add to it - and saw yours! thank you so much for your interest. I'm in the midst of it now, meaning in contact with her daily, this will last for about 10 days! I now saw her a few times in the last few days already - and everyone who followed my thread, my God, I'm just blown away again, even more so. At times I feel like I can't breathe from the feeling welling up in me. I kind of thought that after calming down a bit during the break, I'd be not so excited (especially as nothing happened from her side and i was stopping to hope) but the first day I saw and her I just felt so happy and she was extremely nice, almost ingratiating the way she talked - if I looked at us as an outsider I'd think that these two might well be in love! It's amazing how you can be gripped by happiness in someone's presence, like coming home really in a deeper sense. I also definetely had a wek knees syndrom when she looked me in the eye on that first meeting in what seemed a loving way. I honestly felt my legs giving in, I really can't believe all this. Now of course I'm back on the rollercoster though, as after that first harmonious day she's been at times too busy/tired/not in best mood to pay me much attention. The thing is sometomes I feel this obvious warmth from her, but at other times she's polite and distant and also she never allows too much time together, it's always me who would want more but she sort of reaches her comfort zone and stops the chat (we don't have long chats, they aer reasonably frequent but short) - I feel like she's not allowing it almost of fear of getting into that closeness, she also till doesn't ask me any personal questions. I'm really confused again! I still have no idea whether she has a partner of some sort - I'm sure nothing heavy as she lives on her own and doesn't go on dates every evening, but when visiting, I was a V-card among hr other cards (no overly romantic messages, just 'with love' printed and standard red roses on it - I hope it's some old admirere but she MIGHT have started smth recently. Do yo uthink I should ask ger directly if she's dating? It's inappropriate really as she never vebtures into personal ;talk and remember she's older so it's kind of cheeky/weird for me to ask, but on the other hand i need to know. Sometimes I feel like she thinks I'm stupid weird and my feelings would be completely unwelcome - it's just at times there is zero vibe. And then there is a vibe at other times. Sh*t I really don't know what to do. I think if nothing happens during these 10ndays I will be just blurt it out in the end and leave immediately for embarrasment. But sometimes I'm hoping - maybe she's pacing herself in a way knowing that we'll be stuck together for 10 days, any more advice of how to approach this? what sort of move to make? please consider that she's in charge in this situation and I'm not a subordinate as such but I'm not a 'leader' in this setup and if she's shocked or offended she could ask me to clear off as she' s the one running this situation for 10 days. She kind of needs me but she could let me go, whereas I couldn't ask her to leave. Sorry but can't spell it out, just trying to explain the delicacy of it. On the other hand it's not work so no legal/moral issues apply.
Gay40 - any thoughts, based on what worked, but not with someone who's openly gay? I still don't think she's gay as such, but I do feel we aer drawn to each other (though I'm sure I'm more drawn to her).
polly - was this the woman who your friend thought was gay but she wasn't? yet who was flirty? interesting to know how the date goes - when is it? Did you ask her out in the past , or just asked her wjether she was gay?

That fluctuating feeling of close/distant is one I have experience of (both sides). From your side it's just conflicting evidence and not knowing where you stand, but I think each time she is "distant" it is because she's been a little bit more "close" and it's just tentative babysteps.
Also I think she isn't asking you personal questions because it will lead you to ask her about stuff and she's not ready yet. As in: it will take things to the next level.
Also, if she is bi/gay but not out, and she thinks you are straight, she'll be even more careful about getting close.
Next step: I'd make it clear you are not 100% heterosexual, somehow.

Disclaimer: I don't know either of you. But I do recognise the situation.

Also, Polly: Get In !!!!!!!!!

Gay40 !

Hi OP, just a quick post to answer your direct questions to me (am supposed to be working ahem), will read through your post properly later.

Yes, this is the woman who is gay, according to a friend of hers, but not gay according to her! I thought she was, because she did seem to be very flirty with me, I definitely picked up some sort of vibe (and I'm not the sharpest when it comes to that sort of thing). We 'mingled' in a pub, early last year, had a good time, I asked her a week or so later if she'd like to go for a drink she said yes but nothing was ever arranged. She mentioned it again herself a couple of times, but again nothing ever came of it - when I followed up her asking me by mentioning it myself she ignored me. After a few months I just thought, oh sod it really and didn't mention it again. She obviously realised I fancied her - she told me outright in a friendly fashion at a works do that she wasn't gay - so I thought that was that. We were still friendly, but I did tend to keep my distance. She has always been very friendly to me, thankfully, I was worried for a time that she might find it awkward, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

I was really shocked (in a good way) when she said about going for a drink when I bumped into her the other day - the subject was closed as far as I was concerned almost a year ago. So it was out of the blue, and only about 2 minutes into a general 'hello, how are you?' chat.

Hasn't happened yet! And tbh I'm not holding my breath......I've left the ball firmly in her court, said I'd love to but as she's busier than me work-wise, I've left it with her to contact me and suggest when/where. She's not well at the moment, but said she'll be in touch when she's feeling better. We shall see!

Obviously I'm pleased, if a bit taken aback, but I'm reining myself in - i don't think my nerves would stand another few months of 'will she? won't she? is she?' etc

A PS - my Woman In Question is about ten years older than me (similar to your situation OP) and, until recently, was in a long term relationship with a man - a good 8 years or more. They separated last year, don't know why, but it seems to have been amicable.

And I agree with Gay40s post, she sums it up well, I recognise that too.

OP, the only thing I can suggest - based on the fact you don't want to upset the applecart while you're 'stuck' together for the next few days - is gather up your courage and ask her out for a drink at the end of it? Something along the lines of 'well, that's been a great 10 days, how about a drink to round things off?' I think you need a chance to talk with no other distractions/commitments.

So pleased for you Pollyblue now you must keep us posted with updates :o :o

Likeatonne......oh err.... you've got every emotion going in your post, obviously after the calming down period of late it's all back on for you in a big way. I agree with Gay40 about making it clear you're not 100% hetrosexual but how you can bring that into the conversation I don't know. Is she up with the news for instance about Gillian Anderson, could you have a chat about that and then just drop a few words in regarding yourself?

What happens when the 10 days are up will there be another stint soon?

Hope all went well today :)

Allotment thanks, I will - am finding it very hard not to keep checking my email every five minutes......I will play it cool, I will play it cool.......

Trouble is I've always been crap at cool

What news about Gillian Anderson??

She's admitted to having the odd lesbian fling when she was younger.

Oh. No doubt this will set the lezzerati on fire

I prefer an older woman who can eat a proper dinner.

Allotment, yes you got it right about every emotion running. Sometimes I think I should just accept than she's not interested and all the warmth is purely friendliness. But..but..there is something there, though even if that's true, she may chose not to act on it as it's 'silly'. She has a busy and very established life (i.e. friends, activities, relatives etc that all create a busy routine, there seems to be no room for any whims or impulsive passions). I'm sure she's not up on Gilian A. news, she really is not into gossip and I never seen a woman's mag in her flat! she watches tv but not that much. Yes, I don't know how to bring up this subject, especially as I've never been non-hetero previously, polly so if I ever said i wasn't hetero, she may ask whether i had a girlfriend ever, but I can tell her is that SHE makes me think I'm bi.
Yes, Allotment, it's my last proper chance and i was looking forward to it, I still have over a week to achieve something, after that there won;t be a long stint, there may an odd day of contact but not for a while and very brief.
G40, so do you mean that her not being ready to ask me anything personal means she treats this as a sensitive subject, so it's positive, or is it just indifference?
By the way, she made a reference to a gay man (sort of her friend)yesterday, saying 'have you met X?' I said No, and was quizzically looking at her thinking maybe it's a boyfriend of hers, and she said 'he's very gay', almost dismissively, but in a casual way without looking at me while saying it. So it looks like foe her it's casual subject and also somehow that she's slightly dismissive of gays. If she was thinking I fancied her, would she not be either checking my reaction or careful? she definetely didn't wait for any answers from me. On the other hand what if she was saying it to show to me she wasn't interested in him? Argh, you see what a nightmare it is for me to read her!
Any other advice apart from telling her anything directly? Any non verbal moves that are subtle but could work?

*all i can tell her

I think she doesn't want to get into anything personal because she asks you a question, you ask her one, things are shared and then the question of relationships.
Definitely testing the water with you. Definitely.

I reckon she doesn't want to be thought of as an old fool, thinking a younger thing might be interested. If only she knew !!!!!!!!!!!

"I have a massive crush on you."
And wait.

G40 - well that hardly non-direct! I did say i was going to blurt it out in hte very end if nothing else happened. But I can't do it yet, as for all your optimism we don't know for sure, so I can't risk being so direct when we are going to be 'stuck' in this for 10 days.
You know , in my positive moments, this does come to my mind! (about the old fool/young thing - I'm also quite fit looking and she may be not as confident though I think she's beautiful - she just shows more age than I do obv, but again I'm not really young, am I). It's funny you just said this as it crossed my mind earlier today but I then decided I'm delusional!
Please expand on the assertion that she is testing waters - how? what exactly (so that i can look out for that some more)?

It's hard to describe without sounding offensive.
Any person of age who is realistic knows that hot young things are not really going to chase after them. Yes, I know it does happen. But what it means that they aren't going to immediately accept that someone is interested, especially in a gay situation. I'm the same age (ish) as you, LATOB, but I know lots of older gay people who are very subdued about their sexuality - for fear of looking an idiot in case they mistake friendship for interest.

(I'm the other way about - I always think people are nice and friendly until my friend says "err hello, could she be any more obvious")

Think of it as a fishing reel. In a bit, let out a bit, in a bit more. And repeat.

Look for the fishing rod signs.