For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

[pollyblue]

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope!

No, I am not very good looking. Quite the opposite to be honest.

Ever the optimist. I still think the glow was in the eye of the beholder.

Also, recent studies show that more women are becoming a lesbian in their 40s. I'm not sure what study this is or how scientific it is, but I know a shedload of women who were happily heterosexual and then in their 40s became happily lesbian. And they had never been interested in women before and were not bisexual. Don't know what that's all about, really. It doesn't seem to be true of men although I neither know or care.

There is something I sense in your posts about her that makes me think you should persist. At least until she gets a restraining order.

G40, really? the last sentence is music to my ears (so it's not just sporting spirit from you, encouraging me!), the strange thing is I kind of feel this myself (but the danger is that personal view can be deluded - so if you think the same, I'm not completely mad). Mind you, maybe what comes across is my feelings for her and you agree that it would be good for her as well as for me. It's dangerous though to persist too much.
Still think she'd be much more likely to respond if she was younger as at her age sexuaity isn't that strong (for her anyway as no serious involvement with anyone) and she may even think she can't offer much to a younger person as a partner. If I was her age then she would base on compatibility and affection more . The thing is I'm not that rampant either anymore but I look younger than I am (first time I'm not being pleased about that).
I already voiced my theory - not surprised at all this happens to women in their 40s as this is when the child bearing age comes to an end, whereas before for most women the strongest desire is to have children and hence desire for a man. Those who are actually genetically or whatever bi potentially can discover their unconventional sexuality after having children and being fed up with men's lack of understanding in and out of bed
G, So is your intuition saying that she may make some step towards me as well - or not?

I may be clueless with my crush, but I'm actually v.perceptive with others' situations

that's often the case isn't, we can't see what's under our noses.

So Gay do you think I should be persisting too, and not playing it cool at all? I do agree with OPs summing up of my crush to an extent, she's not known for being very reliable and communication is often hit and miss.

polly, I kind of feel your crush is a type who doesn't respond to polite gentle approaches (from men or women!), in a way she wants someone to be strong and not that considerate, maybe even slightly rough and direct, even demanding the response/date, otherwise she'll be like an unruly horse . See what G40 says.

Persist. Some people are flaky and need a gentle helping hand to steer them in the right direction.

mine is so different - she likes people to be nice, polite, no bullies, and all on her terms, then if SHE decides to give them more room, that's lucky. But she's very reliable and honest. She likes me 'cause I proved my reliability but if it was a familiar hetero thing I'd be using my sensuality/flirting to make progress, with her I'm just scared to come across as weird or pushy and as a result am not as 'myself' as I want to be.

Polly: scrap gentle helping hand, rein that feisty bugger in and get her pinned down to a date.

Bricks: you are going to have to make the moves like jagger.

It's all easy for me to say.

I love the comparison to an unruly horse I know (very vaguely) the chap she was with until last year and he is quite manly - quite big build, shaved head, tattoos......Oh God I don't stand a chance do I?! I need to channel my inner butch.

I think I will persist Gay - after all, she started it this time didn't she? I keep thinking back to your fishing rod analogy - I wonder if that's what she's doing.

see, Gay40 agreed with me - she's too feisty/unruly for a delicate approach.
G, I find this unfair - I don't mind making moves most of the time but surely she could do SOMETHING?? like go somewhere i invite her to fgs, at least - or by being more interested in my life, not just a couple of questions?

It's only in the movies that it seems to so easy and everyone takes turns, though.

OP, do you think she realises that you're a bit 'buttoned up' when you're with her, and hasn't worked out why?

You need to try and be who you are around her. Reining yourself in isn't going to help. (I'm the one supposed to be doing the reining......)

but I'm not even talking 50-50, just anything from her (more than very vague, which she sort of did before - but not in the last week).

Now, that was a good piece of advice. Be more natural. Not the farting burping and sitting with your hands down your pants natural, but less trying to impress.
Although the phrase "buttoned up" made me go a bit Beavis and Butthead (if only the similarities ended there.)

Feisty is right yes - I know someone (I'll call her B) who passed up the opportunity of working with her for a spell, because she (B) happened to wander in when she (Woman In Question) was tearing a strip off someone. B wander off and said to me later 'I could not work with someone like that' in very withering tones........

I like a bit of stroppy.

hmmmm me too

sorry, it was your advice to pin her down, I've gone all hot and peculiar.

Well, it is Friday.

Right, I'm going to email her now. And try not to sound like a pillock.

I am working on that, and I'm not always buttoned up but I'm still mostly in polite mode. She is older after all and herself quite buttoned up with me which doesn't invite casual mode. She's much freer with close friends on the phone (though never that casual). I'm also so keen to please her most of the time that I get tongue tied - i.e. I'm much chattier with others but they do encourage it. At hte moment I'm like some thermometer of her moods andtry to act more/less formal accordingly, but we aren't 'matey'. Occasional closer moments (bliss!), having said that.

Hmm, being Friday, I also felt a bit uneasy today as she wore a tight fitiing top (unusual) - though I was more upset that this was for the man friend. Still, couldn't get the image out of my head after seeing her. And though - I never even hugged her! not even shook hands either - dismal.

thought, not though

The tight top might have been for you.

Oh you need to get a hug in at some point.

Shaking hands is no bloody good either