For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

[pollyblue]

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope!

Who was the artist?

So it's not looking too promising...... see how tomorrow goes after she's had this evening to think about it .... or not. This could be the first time you feel like throwing in the towel and saying ah sod it, which will help quell the longing. I really feel for you, hope tomorrow is better.

If I'm honest, I'd interpret your last post as her realising that you have feelings for her that she doesn't reciprocate, and she doesn't want to do anything to lead you on.

I hope I'm wrong, see what tomorrow brings.

And yes, it is painful isn't it?

polly , how else could it be interpreted, I think the same. It might not even be 'feelings' that she's guessed I have, but even if she thought I wanted more of a friendship she's not interested. I don't think asking someone to a popular event is showing feelings, I was talking about it in a casual way, first saying that I liked it and will be going again. But whatever she guessed or not about what I feel, SHE is not feeling anything and if anything it felt like she's cautious. It's quite painful that I'm seen as someone to be cautious about as I'd never impose anything unless she showed that she was feeling same. She did thank and wasn't nasty, but still.
Allottment, thank you, you are always so kind.

the painful thing is also, that I would have accepted friendship if that was what she offered (if no relationship forthcoming) - I seriously like her, as a person, her taste, everything. I find it painful that she doesn't want to know me better before deciding that friendship is not what she wanted either, the irony is I think we'd really get on if she showed more interest and that she'd like me a lot. She likes me already more superficially but just doesn't want to venture into something new (as I say, has vrey established life, friends, and I'm younger too - I understand but it's sad).

Maybe that's just it, she feels she has enough going on in her life and doesn't feel the need to develop any more friendships.

Or maybe she has picked up a vibe from you over the past few months, and doesn't want to run the risk of giving you false hope, if she knows she can't feel the same about you.

I think it's very hard (personally) to 'accept' friendship with someone you have such strong feelings for. Hard for you to accept it'll never be more than a friensdship, and difficult for the other person if they are aware of how you feel about them. I don't think it makes for an easy friendship.

In this case I know I could be friends - it would take a bit of time not to want more, but I know I could do it because she's more valuable to me as a person who'd be in my life, than a possible lover. I did say before that I'm not eveb sure how the physical side would work and whether it would work as i have no experience, so her as a person was always more important to me. With a man it wouldn't work purely because I know what I'd be missing having expreienced it. And also I never loved a man in the same way, it was more passion with men than admiration/tenderness.
polly, If she noticed vibes from me before, than why get into a regular contact situation with me this month? she could have avoided it altogether!? It looks like actually she s oblivious to my feelings but thinks I'm after more socialising which she's not interested in either.

polly, If she noticed vibes from me before, than why get into a regular contact situation with me this month? she could have avoided it altogether!?

I really don't know, I didn't realise it was something she could have avoided. Maybe she thinks you are good at what you do and would be an asset?

Maybe that's just it, she feels she has enough going on in her life and doesn't feel the need to develop any more friendships.

If you really think she has no inkling, then my comment here might be right then. Maybe she'll say more tomorrow.

Once you get to a certain age though, maybe you just don't want to go to the exhibition...? Maybe.
Even my mrs could not get me to go to see old Dutch art, no matter what was on offer. And I love art and museums and the rest.
(You should have a nosy round her bookshelves and see what art she does like, and find out when that's on. And you might get a hint of what else you could lure her out of the house for.)
Obviously my speculations have been way off, but I've always declared my lack of talent in these situations. Hence I have mostly been the target.

she could see me as asset to some extent, and she does generally like me, she tends to deal with people who she likes in tese situations. But if shhe was suspicious of my feelings, she could always find someone else or just refuse so that not to encourage me.
I kind of think this was just her saying, 'I like you but prefer to keep it superficial' which is a shame and feels like a huge rejection as if I'm not worth getting to know. I wouldn't normally mind but when you like someone this much and they think you aer not really worth knowing it's v.hurtful. sorry if it sounds like being sorry for myself.

Yes, but G40, I'm sure if you were interested in someone new (or at least mildly interested) you'd go to a show to which you are indifferent! You can always leave soon as it's free (no waste of money) for the sake of spending time with the person. Yes, it's Modern art and she's more trad as far as her home goes, but he's not weird at all and not young himself! Maybe when she hesitated I should have promoted it more rathar than wait with baited breath for her answer.
There is a very far fetched option that she fancies me a bit but decided not to develop that for many reasons, so doesn't want to give it a chance to get stronger. But it would be only a slight consolation as still nothing would happen. I could tell her, I'd be fine with friendship if you aer not attracted, but that wd be presumptious.

Pondering this now.

How did it go today?

G40, I thought you were pondering over my last words - no result ? How could it go today - back to usual contact, I tried to appear ok with the refusal, being friendly in fact, what else could I do - couldn't sulk like a child. She is stressed at the moment about a family situation (nothing bad but potentailly worrying) and I think she's preoccupied with and has been for few days, obv she doesn't confide in me so I can't be supportive. I don't understand why she was so warm and friendly on first day even two of contact this month but it's gone more formal now. Before I invited her to the show, I mean.

I've missed a few days here but I think your situation is somewhat similar to mine in a way. We're both getting 'cool' vibes from our women and sadly I think that means they are either not interested or just too preoccupied with the rest of their lives to have us properly on their radar.
2 options, take a chance and ask her out (ready for rejection) or wait it out and see if you can become friends at least. I'm waiting it out. Friendship or even the dream of one day being her friend is better than the inevitable rejection I know I would receive.
It's hard though, I really do feel for you.

Crushing, yes, we are on the same page here. I'll be waiting it out (without actually waiting for anything as such) as the thought of losing contact altogether is too much for me. I'm too 'weak' to give her up altogether. She already didn't take me up on my invitation to exhibition so I'm not going to ask her out now. I may do at a later stage if there is something she really does want to go to, and also maybe we may become closer as friends slowly - alternatively maybe I will 'calm down' enough to forget it if no progress eventually. I know she's seeing someone tomorrow 'a friend' (a man) for which she took a half day off and told me 'I see this friend rarely so I need the time off', sounds like either an ex she still likes or even someone she's considering but the point is, it sort of shows interest in men generally, unless I'm way off the mark and it is purely a friend, not so likely though.

OP, i wouldn't read too much into the taking time off to see a friend thing - my handful of oldest friends are all men, known most of them 15/20 years, and we're all scattered around the country now. I'd easily take time off if I had the opportunity to see them, as it doesn't happened very often.

polly, the thing is she said he'd be at her place for half a day (so it's not accessible for anyone, no visitors, when it normally is).

would you entertain your old friends at home for hours, or would rather meet in a pub etc.? and would you have told others not to visit at this time? I s'pose it's possible..

well if it's an old friend she hasn't seen in ages, she probably does want to see him somewhere private, or at least quiet, if they've a lot of catching up to do.

well, I don't know whether it's a friend or more than that, but in any case I think she is not bi most probably, maybe she was so nice to me last week purely on friendly basis and i got my hopes up wrongly. I really don't know. I was sure there was a bitof a vibe. It's just if I knew this man was more than a friend it would confirm that I shouldn't have had hopes.

I would entertain my old friends at home for hours. I would tell other people not to come round. And it's as likely to be a man as a woman. I would also take time off, days at a time, to do this.
I think you have gone too far in the analysis of it now. And even if the man was more than her friend, it still means very little realistically, because I think if she was in a happy monogamous or casual set up with a man, she'd have said.

G40, well it's not so much analysis, it's lack of action towards me - the man is neither here nor there I agree, she might even fance him but as she sees him rarely it's not a realistic situation for her to develop. The only point was, to see whether she's interested in men in principle or not (=more chance for me if not), she won't tell me why should she whether she has a lover - as i say she's not chatty on personal matters and I'm not her close friend. As i say, shedisplayed a card from someone, whether that's an regular lover or not I don't know, but she's not in a full time or full-on r-ship with anyone, I do know that. This gave me hope previously that she might be not into men. Not so sure now.

fancy*

Have you had a look at this card? As to what it says inside?