For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

[pollyblue]

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope!

yes, of course I looked . Just three 'kisses' and came with printed message 'with love', very generic with red roses, as I mentioned before not especially romantic (no 'I love you' , 'you are the one' etc, ha). Maybe from an old admirer who's a friend now, who knows. It's not really displayed, just among other cards on the shelf, but visible. As I say all this wouldn't matter if she took steps towards me, I know she wasn't doing much yesterday for couple of hours, so could've gone to the show with me, but the fact she said no thanks, is I think an obvious lack of interest (even if she feels a little something, not enough to act on).

she's been quite nice to me today btw, friendly I mean not anything else, at least not sour like the last few days. But poss in good mood about this meeting with friend!

I don't know where to go with this now, to be honest.

Other than "Look. Can I please stop pussyfooting around and just ask you a question. Are you seeing anyone, and if not, could we go out for a drink. Or stay in."

well, I did say i may do that, if she doesn't encourage, but only in the end of this period of 10 days. At the moment I'm just seeing the signs of no romantic interest, so not sure whether you should ask in the end. I'm surprised you still think it's worth asking - she did turn me down yesterday didn't she. This was a posssible date, how people normally start (not with 'let's go and kiss'). Hence discussing.

Maybe she didn't think it was a date, but a chance to see an artist she doesn't like. Maybe.
I'd persist.

Faint heart never won fair lady, as my mother would say. But as she's a raving heterosexual, I'm not sure what she knows about fair ladies

I think I'm just going to echo Gays points - if you really want to ask her out, then you should, even if just for your peace of mind - so you know, once and for all. You're trying to analyse someone and a situation that you know so little about, it's almost impossible.

And maybe she has no idea that you fancy her and intended the exhibition to be a 'date'.

But as she's a raving heterosexual, I'm not sure what she knows about fair ladies

She doesn't know what she's missing

I've not quite had that conversation with her, Polly, as she seems happy enough with my dad but if you like an older woman, I'll pass your details on.
But seriously now, you need to follow up your lead.

ha! I've read that back and realised how it sounds........

You know what/who I mean. Although I'm sure your Mum is lovely

Who needs to follow up their lead, me or OP? I'm trying to play it cool remember.....And I did leave it with her to contact me....One would hate to be pushy, wouldn't one.

........although I've just had to send her a quick strictly work related email, so that might jog her memory.

polly I think it's clear by now that 'playing cool' doesn't wash with Gay40! she always advocates acting and persisting, even to me when the signsare negative. I think she has experience of being chased so she knows that it works evebtually. Though ahem she never chased anyone herself, so I always want to say 'it's easy to give that advice'!
And come on, everyone, of course she'd go to the exhibition if she was even slightly interested - it's nothig to do with whether she though I saw it as a date, is it - it's about whether she's attracted to me. I'd jump ata chance to go anywhere if she 'd invite, same as I'm sure you;d go to eveb a boring event if your interest asked you out - ffs it;s about spending time together, bonding, she didn't have to like the pictures and it wouldn't take that long. I'd draw hte line if something was actively unpleasant to me, but in that case I'd suggest smth else instead if I liked a person. This exhibition is great and very popular and I'm sure she'd actually liked it more or less, ther is nothing unpleasant/outrageous there at all, but not dull either. And she did hesitate a little before refusing. I think she just is straight. Today pretty sure the friend was more than a friend - she had that glow after spending the day with him. She might not be hugely sexual, but when opportunity presents..

*whether she thought

Hi OP,
I think to be fair to Gay, she and I have been singing from the same hymn sheet really, we've both advocated asking her directly for a drink/whatever, so you'd find out once and for all for your own piece of mind.

Do understand how difficult that is though! I didn't really persist with my Woman In Question last year because I'm really not that thick-skinned, and after she ignored my (two very polite) requests for a drink I couldn't bring myself to ask again. Then she told me she's straight so that was the end of that. I'm now back in a state of flummox, waiting to hear from her again (I feel a pattern emerging). The slightly squiffy-on-vodka part of me just wants to email her right now and go "aaargh! will you please talk to me!" but I doubt that'll get me very far...........

So sorry it looks like that's that as far as your crush is concerned OP. What a bugger.

I did ask her out though, I also did other more subtle steps and we ae still in contact purely due to my efforts! So if you feel sensitive, so do I, can't see why it should be easier for me to be direct. Also, at least when you asked her out you did think she was gay (even if wrongly), whereas I never even had a reason to really think that. I also think that's that with your - she probably isn't bi at all, just likes to tease people sometimes, to distract herself after divorce. I also want to go 'arhg, why not make a step towards me' but if they don't feel it, why should they?
I can't see how can I ask someone out when not getting encouragenent and just beeen knocked back - surely most people ask someone if there is a chance. I just don't see I have any chance, so why lose her as a (even non-close)friend as a result? she may well stop all contact if I ask, whereas any chance os dating is really zero. If she was interested she'd make some steps same as I do, and same as you do to yours. I may persist just by trying to get closer as a friend, but even that is quite difficult and will take time.

*with yours

also, I can't see how am I 'unfair to Gay40' I'm just stating the fact , she said it herself that she's always been on the other end, which is not something to criticise (and I'm not doing that). I'd like to know though why does she still think I have a chance after the asking out didn't work plus she's just spent time with a man. If it's pure intuition, I'd be onl yoleased if she's right!

I didn't say you were being unfair to Gay, just pointing out that our advice has been similar, although we're coming at it from slightly different viewpoints/experience.

And FWIW, despite the fact I find my crush's behaviour exaperating, I wouldn't call her a tease and she's not recently divorced, just split up with her partner.

I think the main difference between you and me (or one of the main ones) is that you hope to develop a friendship with your crush. That wasn't something I wanted. We stayed friendly in a professional sense, but I had no wish to become a friend in the proper sense of the word, I would've found it too uncomfortable, so I was happy to cut my losses, for want of a better expression. You have more riding on it, because you do want friendship.

You are totally right, I've been the person invited to the exhibition/coffee/shag and said no as I've not realised I'm being asked out. Never actually had the courage to ask anyone, so my suggestions are purely hypothetical.
I still do think you might be in with a chance. The glow may be fictional.
And if you don't like the artist, you don't not that I know who it is despite asking

DP says she pretended to be my friend to get me into the sack . Look where that got her.

G40 - so is it pure intuition that I'm in with a chance, or smth specific? in my (now rare) positive moments I also think so but it's irrational not logical.
polly, I thought she flirted with you to start with, and also the fact she asked you out recently but hasn't followed up is a behaviour of a tease. Especially if she doesn't think you want to be friends. sorry I'm a bit grumpy today because I'm ingratiating myself with her every day and feel I'm not getting anywhere much.
G40 - that's the pint, lots of women previously hetero started as friends with their partners, and quite a few success stories, so yours is similar! Your DP had an advantage of knowing you were gay though! Are you very good looking - as all these women were queuing after you and asking you out ?

(allow me some conspiracy G40 as she might come to MN one day. Not that i haven't made it guessable).

'fictional glow'.. hmm you really ARE an optimist G! I thought maybe it's the sun as it was bloody hot today, but she was indoors most of the day smooching.

That's ok, I don't blame you for being grumpy.

I wonder if I'm being a bit unreasonable, expecting to have heard from her during the week after she asked if I 'd like to go for a drink? She wasn't feeling well when she asked, and said she'd be in touch when she felt better, and she has a busy job (assuming she was at work and not off sick this week). Maybe in the circs 7 days is no time at all.

well, I sense that you will need the patience of a saint with her all along, even if she does go for that drink. She just sounds very self centred and not reliable also. Say, she could let you know approximately when, or keep you updated as to her health. But it's the general impression I get of her. I may be clueless with my crush, but I'm actually v.perceptive with others' situations .

fascinated but need to read thread in its entirety before I can comment...