Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

For LIKEATONNEOFBRICKS

888 replies

pollyblue · 16/03/2012 19:04

Hello,
just wondering how things were going with you and your situation?

If you're still not sure if the woman you fancy has any feelings for you, can I offer you (possibly!) a bit of hope.....I don't know if you remember but I was in a similar situation last year - despite me getting a bit of a 'vibe' from my crush nothing came of it, she told me she wasn't gay etc so that was that. We were still friends, but (afaik) nothing more.

Anyhoo I saw her today, unexpectedly, for the first time in about 3 months and blow me down, she asked me out. Albeit if was a tentative, polite ask but she did, nonetheless. I did a good goldfish impression, I was so surprised. Just going to wait now, not get too excited, and see if anything comes of it.

So - there is hope! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
pollyblue · 19/03/2012 23:30

Or faint on the doorstep.

OP posts:
likeatonneofbricks · 19/03/2012 23:32

ah, you meant that comment! she wasn't even looking at me at that moment and moved on fast to smth else - I really wouldn't have a chancbe to be so quick and witty on a sensitive subject like that! If this was a hint, surely she'd at least watch my reaction - and I'd have to be very open which is strange to expect if she never even asked whether i had a BF (and she COULd have easily asked that). If this is the only sign, then it's no-hope. But if you generally feel it, then great news as you must have a developed intuition - do you mean she doesn't feel like a nongayer compared with your dalliances? or did you turn themSmile?

Gay40 · 19/03/2012 23:32

Or refuse to leave.

Original poster
pollyblue · 19/03/2012 23:35

Or faint, come round, then refuse to leave.....

OP posts:
Gay40 · 19/03/2012 23:35

I don't think I turned anyone. But I think a few itches were scratched.

She's not asking if you have a boyfriend because you will ask her the same question back and she doesn't want to answer.

Gay40 · 19/03/2012 23:36

What about that thing where you need a kiss to bring you round? A big necklace that says "Please resuscitate via mouth, with tongue."

FFS I think exhaustion is getting the better of my judgement Sad

likeatonneofbricks · 19/03/2012 23:37

at the moment I'm in her house almost daily (not all day of course) so that's not an issue! she just doesn't offer a drink and a chat, it's always a chat about something in particular, not just a random relaxed chat (I start some too by the way), which she rounds off politely, and moves on to other things. It's friendly but I feel like she's keeping distance. I need us to drink together at her place!

Original poster
pollyblue · 19/03/2012 23:40

Nothing else for it, you are going to have to ask her out.

FWIW, I think she might be more relaxed on neutral ground (i would initially) which might be why she's not being too hospitable.

OP posts:
Gay40 · 19/03/2012 23:40

Positive action is required before the week is out.

likeatonneofbricks · 19/03/2012 23:41

why wouldn't she want to answer whether she had a BF? I really don't understand! even if she dated someone she could reply 'nothing serious' to encourage me, or she could say 'no. don't have one' - what is the problem with that?
sorry for tiring you out, I promise to be quiet tomorrow Grin.

Original poster
pollyblue · 19/03/2012 23:43

Yes, positive action before the week is out or Gay and I will hunt her down and do the asking for you Grin

Suspense and tiredness are getting to me.....I should've gone to my perch ages ago.....

OP posts:
Gay40 · 19/03/2012 23:44

Ok, here's the deal. You write the note, asking her out. Polly and I will deliver it, then deliver you in a taxi with wine and 2 glasses.

likeatonneofbricks · 19/03/2012 23:45

polly, neutral ground means me asking her out - as I need to be careful for now, I will have to explain why I'm asking her out when we see each other every day anyway. Meaning being open and direct. For her to suggest a drink at home is much more natural and non-risky, and can start as friendly gesture.

Gay40 · 19/03/2012 23:45

Oh it's not the answer it's the DISCUSSION

likeatonneofbricks · 19/03/2012 23:47

she's got a LOT of wine at home! it should be so, so easy.

Original poster
pollyblue · 19/03/2012 23:49

Yep that sounds like a plan Gay.

How about OP writes the note and post dates it for the last day of their working together, then we deliver it, then deliver OP, looking and smelling gorgeous and completely up for it?

How many more days until you stop seeing her every day OP?

OP posts:
likeatonneofbricks · 19/03/2012 23:49

Right, G40, you mean she's scared that if it turns out there are no BFs, there is a danger that we are free to get together (hmm)?

Original poster
pollyblue · 19/03/2012 23:50

Can't you just wander in, all nonchalant, point to said wine and say "gis a drink?"

I did do this once [blushes] but it did work...

OP posts:
likeatonneofbricks · 19/03/2012 23:51

polly it's not work, do read carefully Smile. and i did say almost 10 days, but some days hardly in contact, so roughly another week.

Original poster
pollyblue · 19/03/2012 23:51

no, don't think that's what Gay meant...

I am off to my perch now - hope you have a good day tomorrow OP, and hopefully will catch up tomorrow night.

OP posts:
Original poster
pollyblue · 19/03/2012 23:52

sorry, yes, I remember it's not work specifically, but I don't think you said exactly what it was?

OP posts:
likeatonneofbricks · 19/03/2012 23:53

yes i thought if asking for a drink, will consider, but the point is, if she's interested she could have already initiated (or should do soon). So far, all at an arms length (slightly less than before but still).

likeatonneofbricks · 19/03/2012 23:55

*of asking, not if.

Gay40 · 20/03/2012 13:33

I think you are going to have accept that you are the runner here and she is the target.

likeatonneofbricks · 20/03/2012 20:15

I really should twist it out of my system, she's not interested, is she. I tried inviting her today to an exhibition - VERY popular at the moment and I have free access for this week, she said she's not a big fan of the artist, and also she's busy (but adding that she would find time if she was keen on artist). Obviously it's not just the artist that she's not keen on! She is open minded enough generally to go and see before judgung the exhibition, so all it shows that she has no interest in getting friendly or closer even socially (there was a moment of hesitation so it's not like she can't bear his paintings or that she's so chocoblock busy, if she had any interest in me, she'd go). Felt like a punch, even though I knew she might refuse. This is too painful. Just realised now how deep it went, after this first rejection. I didn't show I was upset but left quickly, so I think she realises that I'm not too happy. She could of course change her mind if it bothered her, but I'd better just drop my efforts.