<Big Gulp> I need some perspective on my DH's revelation...

[Fruitdrop]

A bit of background.
I was dx'd with a chronic illness last Autumn, and have suffered and been taking medication for depression for several years. I now take a daily cocktail of drugs, and my libido is practically non existant :( not to mention mobility problems mean it is pretty uncomfortable. Bladder issues since DC3 and a recent dx of a type of colitis have made me terrified of letting go as I'm worried I'll have an accident
DH never complains, and, I assume entertains himself as required. The last time we had any sort of sex was just after New Year.
So, onto the never complaining DH. He laughingly related to me the other morning, when I said I had slept like a log (my condition often makes for very restless nights), "ooh I know, I felt quite frisky when I came to bed, and no amount of stroking was waking you up. I even got you to give me a squeeze, but there wasn't enough grip" He then went on to say he hadn't let that stop him, and had climbed over my legs so he was above me and masturbated.

I was a bit incredulous, as I have absolutely no recollectoon of it at all. I was kind of wrong footed, and didn't know how to respond, but I can't stop thinking about it.
Fast forward a couple of days, and 3LP's thread and the others it has given rise to (I usually have relationships hidden, but had come on to post for advice when I saw the other threads) and I realise that this is not a normal thing for him to have done.
I now do not know what to say to DH, or how I feel about it and I'm terrified that he will do this again, and that it won't stop at just a wank. Like one od the other posters, I take tablets at night to help me sleep (not sleeping tablets but they have that effect)
I have slept on my own for the last two nights, as I can't bring myself to get back in the bed with him. He is beginning to wonder why though and I'm running out of excuses.
God, I'm rambling...but I just can't make sense of it. And yes, we have had sleepy sex in the past, but I have always been awake!
What on earth do I say to him, to tell him how it has made me feel.

yes, Pink, good idea to make it your last post on this thread

I didn't know how I felt when I posted th thread PP (which is why I did it, durr) but your first post implies that my DH should be able to "take his pleasure" if and when he sees fit and that I should just man up, forget my illnesses and the fact that I have zero libido (and I mean zero) and help my poor sex deprived DH, that he is somehow entitled to use my body. What century are you from?

And no, my situation, which I believe is a one off and which I fervently hope won't be repeated, is nowhere near as bad as what some women are having to endure, but it is still a breakdown of trust, and that is what I'm struggling with.

But on the few times I have been aware enough to know whats going on and said no, he's stopped. Just that most times, I'm barely awake and its done- in silence, in the dark. When I've been pissed I don't even realise until the morning.

I am not sure if this is the real "ThePinkPussycat" - normally your posts are incredibly supportive over on our other thread, perhaps there has been a bit of STBXH troll activity tonight???

Not boasting if it was an act of love? Are you for fucking real?

EW :( :( Please get some help. Your OH is an animal, and I think even pinkpussycat would find it hard to disagree. You poor poor love :(

Evacuation, is alcohol a problem for you? I can see why it might be, but you've suggested you're drunk enough to sleep really heavily and not be able to react.

no, Pink is posting under her own persona

I think she was genuinely trying to help

but those comments could not go unchallenged

I'm sure she was AF, but her first post is utterly offensive

imperial- no alcohol not a problem, just happened on the couple of occasions in the last year when I have slept really heavily (and I'm normally a heavy sleeper anyway even without alcohol) because we've been at a wedding all day/partiularly heavy party night.

But its now part of our "normal" sex life. How can I all of a sudden tell him that I think its wrong?

Thanks for your support by the way :)

Yeah pink is not troll - she's been on my thread tonight. she was trying to help, she's actually been hugely supportive of me over several months and has helped many others that have posted. she was trying to help.

although I do disagree with everything she's said

EW, I wish I had some wise words for you.

EW, you can tell him any time you like

your body is your own

it does not belong to him

no matter what he thinks is happening here, if you wish to re draw the boundaries you are at perfect liberty to do so

EW, he already knows what he is doing is wrong though, and that is why you hesitate to tell him, I think

because, what will you do if he doesn't stop ?

Im fine, this has been going on for years its not like I've been devastated by a recent event like others. Appreciate all your kind and supportive thoughts though. Will dip out of this thread now- thanks Fruity for letting me spout my innermost thoughts for 20 mins- apologies for hijack!

I'm so fed up of the doom and gloom of my posts in "I'm on" and "I started" that I think I'm going to start a thread about fluffy kittens and chocolate. Night :)

EW, you know where we are if you want to talk about this again x

Ta AF

Topknob: I believe you. What is happening to you isn't right. I am saying this from the perspective of someone who has had drunk sex I don't always remember in the morning - in my case, I wake up feeling hungover, not uncomfortable, shamed or unhappy and not with a sense that something bad happened. So while I might have been drunk, I would have been consenting and participating. And lucky, in the sense that whoever I was in bed, drunk, with, wasn't a rapist. So when you wake up feeling bad, feeling like you've been 'interfered with' then that means that something bad did happen and your body remembers what your mind doesn't.

And EW: Oh love. You can get rid of this miserable shitbag. You can throw him out. You can have him put in prison. Help is there, reach out when you feel ready.

Just reading back and no Dh doesn't drink.

I realise that Pink meant well Crystals, and reading back this morning I think i over reacted a bit.
Not much more to report, as DH always takes the DC shopping on Sat morning before I get up, and they're just back. His parents are due any minute, so although things are still, in my mind, unresolved, it's time to put on a brave face and get on with things.

There are chinks in our marriage though, and this has just highlighted that we need to sort things out. How we do that, when he is being less than approachable though, I just don't know

A friend of mine once woke up to find a burgular masturbating over her face. I'm not sure she took this as a sign of 'tenderness' or 'appreciation'....

I think a good test is 'Would he do this to a stranger?'. Would he have sex with a stranger who was obviously heavily intoxicated? Would he masturbate over a stranger who was deeply asleep?

I fear the answer would be yes.

I am beyond at the "unconscious gift from you" commment. Come on pink, do you really believe that?