<Big Gulp> I need some perspective on my DH's revelation...

[Fruitdrop]

A bit of background.
I was dx'd with a chronic illness last Autumn, and have suffered and been taking medication for depression for several years. I now take a daily cocktail of drugs, and my libido is practically non existant :( not to mention mobility problems mean it is pretty uncomfortable. Bladder issues since DC3 and a recent dx of a type of colitis have made me terrified of letting go as I'm worried I'll have an accident
DH never complains, and, I assume entertains himself as required. The last time we had any sort of sex was just after New Year.
So, onto the never complaining DH. He laughingly related to me the other morning, when I said I had slept like a log (my condition often makes for very restless nights), "ooh I know, I felt quite frisky when I came to bed, and no amount of stroking was waking you up. I even got you to give me a squeeze, but there wasn't enough grip" He then went on to say he hadn't let that stop him, and had climbed over my legs so he was above me and masturbated.

I was a bit incredulous, as I have absolutely no recollectoon of it at all. I was kind of wrong footed, and didn't know how to respond, but I can't stop thinking about it.
Fast forward a couple of days, and 3LP's thread and the others it has given rise to (I usually have relationships hidden, but had come on to post for advice when I saw the other threads) and I realise that this is not a normal thing for him to have done.
I now do not know what to say to DH, or how I feel about it and I'm terrified that he will do this again, and that it won't stop at just a wank. Like one od the other posters, I take tablets at night to help me sleep (not sleeping tablets but they have that effect)
I have slept on my own for the last two nights, as I can't bring myself to get back in the bed with him. He is beginning to wonder why though and I'm running out of excuses.
God, I'm rambling...but I just can't make sense of it. And yes, we have had sleepy sex in the past, but I have always been awake!
What on earth do I say to him, to tell him how it has made me feel.

Good luck. Remember you did nothing wrong. He did something you don't want him ever to do again. End of.

BluddyMoFo, the difference is the word awake, OP was asleep the whole way through. I am sure you would stop if your DH didn't wake up.

I agree with AF - it's terrifying that a perfectly ordinary man, a man next door, could be systematically raping his own wife in her sleep.

why did he laughingly recount his exploits then ?

you said you were "nonplussed" when he bragged to own wife that he cracked one out over her unconscious body

he simply ignored your discomfort then

I hope he takes it very much more seriously when you pluck up the courage (wtaf ???) to talk to him about your right to have your boundaries respected

Bluddy, read the OP

he laughingly recounted his exploits

she was "non plussed"

what do you think the expression on her face would have been ?

she has since moved out of the marital bed

reading between the lines, do you accept that a decent bloke would be so crap at reading body language and verbal cues ?

I would hate to be a relationship where I couldn't shout "You did WHAT?" Mind you, I suppose if you were able to say that, there's less chance a husband will treat your body like a blow up doll.

OP, you have to deal with this. You have to be strong. You've read the other threads - do you think your husband has gone further than masturbating over you whilst you sleep?

its only bad when someone knows its bad and continues anyway

No. It should not have to be spelled out to anybody that another human being is NOT their plaything.

it's only bad when someone knows its bad and continues anyway

top prize for naive quote of the week

MoFo, he was quite pleased with himself as he told me about it. I said in my second post. I was a bit confused and incredulous so didn't challenge him at the time.

I am so conflicted. He is a good bloke, I am having trouble thinking of him as a monster...
I'll be back later. Lo is going off to bed now.
Thanks for the responses :)

bluddy, your view is your own, and you are entitled to it, but I will never think it is ok

BMF - are you okay? Your posts really don't seem like they are being posted by the usual you.

somebody who is confused and incredulous may not verbally state their case, but any normal being would pick up on that and apologise

he ignored your distress, OP

He is not a good bloke if he has no respect for you.

And using you - a human being he is supposed to love and cherish - as a masturbatory tool without your knowledge or consent is very, very far from respectful.

odd ? bluddy ?

you are starting to sound like a victim-blaming type now

are you a victim-blaming type ?

I do sometimes think people have very weird relationships with their partners on here. If you are intimate enough with someone to share your life, your bed and your body with someone then you really need to be able to share your views and feelings with them too. Just odd!

Lack of self-esteem has a way of making people feel they are not entitled to voice their displeasure, MoFo.

People like that need your compassion, not your ridicule.

BluddyMoFo, it's not something you would discuss prior to it happening is it. I do agree that the OP needs to speak to her H now not later.

you sound like one

just like the ones on the other threads

it's OP's fault for not speaking up and being "odd"

yeah, right

BMF - there is no need to be so agressive. I was genuinely concerned as the posts on here don't come across as the time I have usually read from you.

And yes MoFo, your 19:42 post is victim-blaming.

I'm so sorry to hear he did this to you, Fruitdrop. And that you are having to deal with his reaction. Especially when you are so poorly.

Someone who needs to have an explanation of why bodily integrity is important and that using a sleeping person for their orgasm is out of order is not a not "bad guy". And being pleased? And laughing? If there's a good guy/bad guy line, then he's over it.