<Big Gulp> I need some perspective on my DH's revelation...

[Fruitdrop]

A bit of background.
I was dx'd with a chronic illness last Autumn, and have suffered and been taking medication for depression for several years. I now take a daily cocktail of drugs, and my libido is practically non existant :( not to mention mobility problems mean it is pretty uncomfortable. Bladder issues since DC3 and a recent dx of a type of colitis have made me terrified of letting go as I'm worried I'll have an accident
DH never complains, and, I assume entertains himself as required. The last time we had any sort of sex was just after New Year.
So, onto the never complaining DH. He laughingly related to me the other morning, when I said I had slept like a log (my condition often makes for very restless nights), "ooh I know, I felt quite frisky when I came to bed, and no amount of stroking was waking you up. I even got you to give me a squeeze, but there wasn't enough grip" He then went on to say he hadn't let that stop him, and had climbed over my legs so he was above me and masturbated.

I was a bit incredulous, as I have absolutely no recollectoon of it at all. I was kind of wrong footed, and didn't know how to respond, but I can't stop thinking about it.
Fast forward a couple of days, and 3LP's thread and the others it has given rise to (I usually have relationships hidden, but had come on to post for advice when I saw the other threads) and I realise that this is not a normal thing for him to have done.
I now do not know what to say to DH, or how I feel about it and I'm terrified that he will do this again, and that it won't stop at just a wank. Like one od the other posters, I take tablets at night to help me sleep (not sleeping tablets but they have that effect)
I have slept on my own for the last two nights, as I can't bring myself to get back in the bed with him. He is beginning to wonder why though and I'm running out of excuses.
God, I'm rambling...but I just can't make sense of it. And yes, we have had sleepy sex in the past, but I have always been awake!
What on earth do I say to him, to tell him how it has made me feel.

I've read this entire thread. And the two other similar threads.

What I really would like to say to the posters who say that the men in question are not actually assaulting their partners, that they might be doing this because they find their wives so attractive and don't want to use porn, that they might be sexually frustrated...

In all these threads, the OPs are in turmoil. They feel sickened, violated, upset and terribly confused. They posted on here because they have an unshakeable feeling that something dreadful has happened to them.

Doesn't that answer the question as to whether they have been assaulted or not? These posters felt compelled to post. They all seemed to desperately want to believe that they haven't been assaulted or raped and that other posters would say 'Oh that! Yes it's quite normal and acceptable, all decent men insert their fingers and penises into their sleeping wives!'. But deep down they knew it wasn't okay.

I'm so glad they have all had such excellent and heartfelt support.

ok, glad you take my point

(sorry Fruitloop, didn't mean to talk disapassionately about you there, hope you are ok, I'm rooting for you and am really sorry for all you are dealing with x)

Proudnscary just want to make it clear that I agree with those on the other threads that the behaviour described there is assault and rape.

Sorry that you have been so upset OP. Haven't read the whole thread, but am guessing from what you've said that your DH had no idea that you would be upset by it, because if he did he wouldn't have told you what he'd done.

I would simply say that you've been thinking about it, and it felt a bit scary having things like that going on while you're sleeping and that you don't like it. Tell him firmly but nicely that you want to be awake before anything like that happens. As you say, he has been very understanding and patient and sounds like a genuinely caring man on the whole.

I really do suspect that he'll be mortified; my DH has done things in the past (not sexual) that have really upset me, and has had no clue that I'd be upset by them.

Yes and in this thread, the OP was left feeling so afraid and upset after her husband admitted to ejaculating all over her (his story later changed, of course, to her masturbating) while she slept, that she decamped to the spare room...

Buchanquine said I'm a bit hesitant at posting about someone else's marriage, but one of my thoughts when reading the original post was that it didn't sound like the understandable lack of sex had been discussed much. It doesn't in any way excuse what happened, but might be an indication that there's a lot to discuss

I'm with Buchanquine on this. No sex since new year? But no discussion with DH about it? After16 years together I'm sure you can come up with an arrangement that suits you both.

No worries proudnscary :) You have summed up my feelings exactly, and PinkPussycat has effectively summed up my conclusion. Yes, it wasn't right and made me feel shitty and quite unclean but no, it wasn't an intentional and pre-meditated sexual assault. As far as I can tell, DH understands that. I am doing the "watching you" gesture at him though. He has a lot of trust to regain.

What some other posters have to endure on a regular basis makes me shudder to my core though :( and I hope they can find the strength to seek help.

I wish you all the very best Fruitloop and do hope your conclusion is right and that it's something you can work through x

bravo, BGT

(and I have hope you and your P will sort your problems out, because of the collaborative attitude you both have towards finding a solution)

Seconding AnyFucker. All the best GreyWolf and partner.

*Thing sorry