Fuck Him and his Barbour - dating chat 10

[watchoutforthatsnail]

New thread - you know what to do :)

[lovesineffable]

do tell then! :)

[MyLittleMiracle]

BenHer its about time to tell, spill, all us women on here do.....sometimes in detail!

[MyLittleMiracle]

She only done what was necessary. If he hadnt said she was a work colleague, vivian probably wouldnt have said any more. It would have been a few exchanged words, and oh dear must run, my trains due in. etc.

The girl had a right to know.

[BenHer]

Ok ok.The girl looked fantastic,would have comfortably passed for 10yrs younger than her age,we laughed lots and had great sex.A simple recipe but never fails to hit the spot!

[SerendipitousHarlot]

And are you going to see her again?

[BenHer]

That would obviously depend on her too but hopefully yes.We had good fun.

[MyLittleMiracle]

Someone else is going well.

A small update on mine, and PLEASE NO ONE TELL ME TO RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

Well we had a really good chat tonight about his past, and he has been so honest. It makes me feel good, he trusts me, and can talk to me.

Most people would run a mile, but i am not most people. I understand, everyone has a past right? and has the right to move on? He is completely different to the ex!! I know it.

He has been into prison and was a bit of a lad in his day iykwim, and got a reputation! But he seems like a nice chap. He has been honest. I know we will get along and see where it leads from there. He wants something long term to settle down, and you know what, so do i deep down. It sounds mad, just got out of a marriage, but he has only been out of a marriage for 1 year.

We have both done stupid things in our youth but then again can anyone of you say you havent?

[ParsleyTheLioness]

MLM love, you need to know what he was in prison for. And check that what he says is the truth. Not trying to rain on your parade, honestly....

[MyLittleMiracle]

He has already told me what it was for, and why, how it happened etc, there is no reason he should lie, he just spilled it all out, and he had no reason to do so. I appreciate that. He has said there is a bit more to tell, BUT he would rather we meet and chat, and me see him for who he is now than who he was. I always was attracted to the "Bad Boys", just me i suppose, but god there always was something about them!

[lovesineffable]

bad boys are bad news and never worth the hassle, you've not even met the bloke and you sound as if you're under his spell mlm...

[MyLittleMiracle]

Not at all, i just like to believe that people can change. I know someone who done time inside for murder and they are gentle as anything. I trust them with my life. I think everyone deserves a second chance, and try to take people as i find them!! Otherwise there is always something wrong with anyone compatible right? I a trying to rationalise this, and if we meet each other and nothing comes of it so what? I am under no one spell, but appreciate the honesty, and i am more distrusting of anyone who lies and hides things from me than someone who tells me.

[lovesineffable]

he may have told you personal and confidential things in order to get you to trust him, you'll be more inclined to give him personal information about yourself, and so you get drawn in.
he's prepared the ground so that you trust him before you've even met him.

I find it odd and slightly disturbing when someone I dont know very well spills out their whole life history, warts and all

[SerendipitousHarlot]

MLM... can't you just find one that HASN'T been in prison?? There are loads of them, honestly. I understand you want to see the good in someone but who needs the hassle?

[MyLittleMiracle]

I just want someone who can accept me for who i am, so i feel i should do the same. He knows i have scars, and some arent always healed properly. And he has a past, dont we all? I was a bit of a girl during my day! He knows i am far from innocent! And he knows me and the ex dont talk. I didnt think that was too much to share. I cant let every bloke pass me by just cos they have a "history", which is what it is!

[SerendipitousHarlot]

We all have baggage, all of us. But at your age, there must be someone out there that doesn't have this much!

I'm 41, and happily settled, but if I was back in the dating world, I wouldn't touch someone that had been in prison, with a bargepole. You know why? Because there are thousands that haven't. Do you know what I mean?

[MyLittleMiracle]

I try to work on the basis, if it was an old ex, ad, that had done it, would i still date him? The answer is yes, do people change, yes they do, I know i have,

There is so much baggage with me. I know i am not perfect, so far from it, i am not only physically scarred, but the mental scars are there, the scar you see on the outside goes much deeper inwards, its just the tip of the iceberg.

I dont feel I can judge someone i dont know. I know most young girls would run a mile, I am not stupid, i have been in an abusive relationship, damn it i was married to him, so i know, i;ve been there. I have ahd my heart broken, and i know how it feels. I am healing, slowly, and i am feeling like me again.

I probably wont be liked for saying this, but i am going to say it anyway. I knew someone wo left the IRA, he had done time in prison, and he would have done absolutely anything for me, he worshipped the ground i walked, i was like a daughter to him. So he had done bad things, BUT HE GOT AWAY FROM THEM BAD THINGS. Sometimes all it takes is a bit of support.

He has never gone back btw, and is always there whatever i need. If he managed to change, so can anyone. IMO

[watchoutforthatsnail]

my little miracle, im sorry, this is going to sound harsh but i am severly worried about you. I do not think you are in the right place mentally to be dating, you are all o ver the place. You need to give it a rest, concentrate on your life with your child and retuen to this when you are in a better place.
Really.
Full stop, end of.

You are 23 for gods sake ' when i was a girl' ' baggage' shit, fucking ridiclous.

Everyone has ' baggage' its part of life, everyone has been heartbroken, again, its part of life, it does not mean we should date men in prison who wont tell you everything, but will when you meet.

This wont make me popular with yoiu, but you just seem desperate and lost like you are hoping, someone, anyone will come along and save you and make it all better, and that you dont care who that is, Going about things this way will just see you fall straight into a relationship with another abuser. You have a child that is dependent on you, a childs life who you are influencing and teaching how life should be. I urge you to have a serious look at what you are doing.

[watchoutforthatsnail]

also - you have never even MET!!

you need to get over calling men ' your chap' when you havent met. Seriously.

And just because someone says they are looking for something long term, and you are too, does not equal that the long term thing will be with you.

Im worried about you, i really am.

[Snapespeare]

I think it strongly depends on why he was inside to be honest MLM & his current attitude towards that. If it was crimes against property rather than people, I'd be more inclined to be open. If he physically hurt someone and starts on a giant self-aggrandisiing , 'they got it all wrong...' defence then I would run a mile. I think it's good that you are open to a second chance, but you also have to protect yourself and your family. There are certain convictions that would be an absolute non-starter for me. Please if there is even a hint of a violent crime towards a woman, run like fuck.

i hope you the next bit in the spirit that it is meant - which is of concern, care and wanting the best for you.

sometimes when we have been in shitty relationships and they break down, we suffer an absolute crisis of confidence and want to look to someone else, to be attractive, to have fun and to feel wanted. I know you have been waiting for your divorce papers before dating again and I think that is admirable from the point of view of not richocheting off on the rebound - however I think that time spent out of the dating arena should be spent on some self reflection and repair, working out what you want from a potential relationship and a nice bit of self-improvement etc, so that when you are ready, you are ready. :)

from your posts (and I don't know you from 'Adam', just what you have posted...) you do seem to want a relationship, miss cuddles etc and admiting that you have an eye for the 'bad boys' and your last relationship was abusive... this new chap looks a bit like a slow motion car crash to me.

What was he inside for?

[MyLittleMiracle]

I know, i am young, and no way would i ever let myself get into the situation i was with my ex.

I dont feel lost anymore, i feel like me again, ready to face the world! And he hasnt been in prison for years now, he just felt i should know, that he had been there. I feel there is things i will tell him, in time, that i have never ever told anyone, not even my now exhusband.

I am not planning on seeing anyone else, if this goes wrong, tits up whatever, just like to give people a chance. And watch just so you know, i realise what you are saying and you are right, of course you are, and no it doesnt make you unpopular with me, you are saying what you think.
No one has a perfect past. But that doesnt necessarily make them a bad person. It wasnt a "BAD" crime, iykwim, just a stupid one. We have all done stupid things.

[Snapespeare]

oh what watch said...

[watchoutforthatsnail]

sponge - im so sorry that happened, its a really crappy thing ( happened with the teacher) makes you feel awful. I hope you are doing ok....

charlottesmu - what a cock!

mrs cello - hows the plans for tomorrows date?

viv - yeah, i think you did the right thing. I wold have liked to do it, but expect i wouldnt have. It was the introducing you as a work colegue that did it, immediatley flashes up something is up... good for you!!


poppa - yay!

So - i have a date saturday, that im actually excited about. Amazing. Hes a few years younger, ITC nurse and scuba diver. We have been whatsapping like crazy, and it SEEMS to flow really easy.

I also have another date with someone i was takling to last year who always cancelled last min ( though i expect the same will happen again)

I have also decided to attempt a different tactic. Realising my hormones may have got the better of me these last 6 months, and i have been somewhat sexually predatory :) and a bit vampy, maybe scaring the nicer guys away.
So, im going to attempt ( and dont laugh) an alltogether more feminine and demure and hard to get stance, at least for a short while. I figure, whats the worse that can happen, and at least the results might be interesting, right?

[Snapespeare]

...and to lighten up a little poppa excellent news, sounds lovely! :)

BenHer 'gerrin' there my son' ( I believe that is what one says to a gentleman who has had a delightful evening...) Have you phoned her since? next date? :)

Vivian good. He started looking a bit guilty with 'work colleague' stupid lie.

MLM so what did he do then? Nick a car? Credit Card fraud?

[watchoutforthatsnail]

mylittle - but why do you have to give him a chance, why? you have never met, only chatted on a dating site for a few days, you owe him nothing.

I have done many stupid things in my time, MANY - noone of which have landed me in prison, and of course, while if they had, it should not write me off.... i just dont see, why, when you have avery very young child, you would be desperatley trying to get involved with somone who has.

And if it wasnt that ' BAD' a crime, then he wouldnt have been in prison for it... but i expect he has told you 1001 reasons why it wasnt his fault... except he has told you he has more to tell you.....

Seriously, i am concerned. Very concerned. Have you tried you local childrens centre, or homestart or even womens aid for someone to talk to, or some support?

I absolutley second what snape says.