Fuck Him and his Barbour - dating chat 10

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New thread - you know what to do :)

Gah, too much to catch up on over the weekend. It's taken me about 20 minutes to read it all.

Big hugs (don't care if they're not Mumsnetty) to those feeling blue. Can't think of anything uplifting to say that won't sound trite.

MLM, you sound like you are on a roll (in the nicest possibly way) - come and sprinkle whatever you are on over us all!!

I have a date tomorrow night. Have next to no inkling how it will go, as he hasn't given that much away. Looks ok in his photos though and he is definitely taller than me. (Not sure quite why that matters as much as it does.)

Can we have a title that doesn't swear please?

He everyone

I'm pleased you are back to normal watch, also pleased that you have cancelled tonight's date. If he can't be bothered to put the effort in at this early stage then I dread to think what he would be like on an actual date.

And well done sponge! Putting Barbour man in his place, good one you! You deserve better too!

Hope all the dates go well!

My suggestion doesn't swear.
I so seem to be on s roll. Wearing a dress tends to help me thinks.

How about 'Wankers Time wasters need not apply, Soul Soothers come hither'

I love wearing dresses. I only wear them in Summer though, tend to stick to leggings and jeans in Winter but do feel much more 'special' when I'm wearing a frock.

Time, I like that title. Will remind us all of the criteria the next guy we date needs to possess.

So when this thread ends we'll have made a thousand posts! That's pretty damned cool. Mind you with the notable exceptions of Shine and Zany what we've really done is demonstrate that despite our best efforts to cheer each other on and use our collective experience and wisdom to weed out the unsuitable candidates... we're actually pretty crap at dating.

Rubbish! We are not crap at dating, we just haven't been fortunate in meeting the right person yet. We have demonstrated that we are not desperate, that we have standards, that we are not prepared to settle for 'whatever' just because it buys us a drink. That's not being crap at dating, that's being sensible!

Poppa, I've only dated one person since this thread started, so don't think that means I'm crap at it. Feel quite pleased that I have identified something and ended it before it breaks my heart.

exactly, you cant make a silk purse out of a sows ear..or turn a whole bunch of frogs into prince charming

if nothing else we have pooled our collective wisdom to identify bad behaviour up with which we should not put!

if I cant see that someone is stringing me along, or trying to get a 'free text wank' service, I just need to relay my experience on this thread and someone will gently point out that I'm being taken for a fool :)

I think it would be fairer to say we are all still learning Poppa - rather than we are crap - even though I know you meant it humourously!

You have to be in the race to stand a chance of winning & I think it is great that we are all having a go. There have been really mixed experiences and lots of shared wisdom.

Everytime anyone feels crappy, they should have a look at some of the threads in relationships & feel 100% happy that they are not tolerating some of the shit that people in couples put up with (for years & years & years & years)!

With the greatest respect, that's utter cobblers (as my dad used to say!)

If you really want to see people who are no good at dating, the relationships area is generally full of them, all those who are trapped in crappy relationships or settling because an abusive/unfaithful/just plain irritating partner is better than no-one. We are all wiser than that now, especially those of us who have been in that position in the past.

I know that I make a brilliant girlfriend (as I'm sure do we all ) and I'm just too bloody great to waste myself on someone who isn't good enough for me and won't give back as much as I give to them!

And yes there are people who meet the one and get it right, but that's just luck. I don't see the point of beating myself up over being less lucky than someone else, what would that achieve?!

' I don't see the point of beating myself up over being less lucky than someone else, what would that achieve?!'

absolutely Sponge!
focus on the good things in life and thank our LUCKY stars that we are free spirits, and not trapped in horrid abusive relationships

I apologise if my response seems somewhat bristly, I am used to being very good at everything so never take it well when it's suggested I do anything badly. Especially when I know that's not true and in reality there's no way I could be doing any better, which I'm sure is true of all of us.

And also doesn't it depend on how you measure success? Looking at relationships around me, the majority are unsatisfactory for one reason or other, and make one or both parties unhappy for some or indeed most of the time. I don't consider any of them to be more successful than me simply because they have found a partner and are in a relationship. I think it's far better to have spotted the red flags after the first date, or first message even, and got rid!

Sponge, I like your positivity, and it's all true.

Don't apologise sponge, your post was good to read, it's nice to see you being positive about yourself What you say is correct. I'm actually struggling to understand how one can be bad at dating. You contact or are contacted by someone, you exchange messages for a period of time, arrange to meet, find there is no chemistry so don't meet again. I don't see there is anything bad about that, it's all a part of the process. What would be bad is if we took it personally and assumed there must be something wrong with us or that we are crap at dating just because the date was unsuccessful.

poppa - what a load of shit.

Shiney had terrible luck for years, have you not read the penguin threads, or her plumber texts? dhe wasnt crap at dating, just shit men. Zany was very lucky

we cannot control the quality of the men on these sites, that does not make us crap at dating, my date for tonight appeared normal and nice for 48 hours only to send me a row of squares when i asked him if we were still on for later... thats not me being shit at dating, thats just crap men!!!

My date with the nurse was appaling, he didnt even say hello or get up, or even offer me a drink... now, i would have got a round in two, but thats no manners there at all, not me being shit at dating, but again, poor quality of man.

and so it goes on....

without a doubt this thread is awesome,and the collective wisdom is fab, you can post on here and get a sound answer ( that comes from lots of experience) quickly, and its invaluable, totally.

Plenty of people in relationships, are in crappy ones, because they dont know if its right or wrong, or would rather be with someone that without. Noone of us are in that position, and despite wobbles sometimes, will only get into another relationship with someone who treats us as an equal and is lovely. Not some knobbish twat sending pics of their cocks and keeping you hanging on a thread while they call all the shots.

Thank you PostBellumBugsy, for recognising that I was trying to be funny. Worked well huh? :(

I do have a peek in the Relationships section (which probably should be renamed "just leave the bastard") every now and then, but generally I just come here.

sponge that was a fab post. I know so many people in bad relationships, so so bad relationships that are miserbale and sad and depressed, that doesnt make them better at dating...

i dont think anyone can be bad at dating, unless they are ignoring all the red flags, in which case they are just stupid.

you message, you meet up... that is a date. so, from a ' dating website point of view' a ' sucess' weather or not you get any further isnt the point, they are not called ' relationship sites, are they.

I am not wasting myself on.someone who doesn't treat me with respect and worship me. I am worth so much more than just a one nighter. I deserve to loved and looked after.

poppa I realised you were joking. I must be good company. Shame they weren't my type etc though.

I am not wasting myself on.someone who doesn't treat me with respect and worship me. I am worth so much more than just a one nighter. I deserve to loved and looked after.

poppa I realised you were joking. I must be good company. Shame they weren't my type etc though.

if anything we have demonstrated that internet dating is mostly crap (although much of the crap gives you something to laugh about at a later date) with a few unexpected gems.

Dont really regret doing it though, I learned alot!

mlm - there is nothing wrong with a one nighter, provided you want to do it and its on your terms.

I dont mind the odd one nighter, should the mood take me, but its only ever if im the one calling the shots, i wouldnt do it and then expect the guy to call because of tyhat, but if i want sex, for the sake of havign sex, ill do it :) and be happy for its own sake.

rob - comedy school possibly needed in your spare time?