Fuck Him and his Barbour - dating chat 10

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New thread - you know what to do :)

oh, i know... i do.
Just, if im being realistic, i cant see it chnaging for a while.....Nothing has changed in the last 3.5 years, i could easily go the next 3.5 years with it being the same. I dont want that, but i cant figure what else i can do about it. Its frustrating to be constantly trying but not getting anywhere.

Big hugs Watch.
I feel for you and dont really know what to suggest. Try not to think about the next 3.5 years just being the same tho as this will make you feel more down and less motivated.
Do you have any travel or things you really want to do but never did? I have a great book called 1001 things to do before you die. Its great planning stuff and they are not all expensive trips abroad. Perhaps you could try stuff like that?

no, because if i want to do things i do them :)
If you looked from the outside in, i have a very exciting life - ish.
Im a bit skint at the momment, so thats not helping, but generally i do things i want to do.

This past week i have:

Had a big family bbq
been to the cinema with my dd
Been to a castle, shopped and had a picninc with dd
Had a good date ( cinema and drinks)
Spend friday at the seaside with my family, raced segways and screamed on rides, ate fish and chips and too much ice cream
Seen the hunger games with my sister
Had takeaway with my mother

Which is really a good week by anyones standards, i dont know whats wrong with me, i just feel flat. and lonely.

Im happy with that, and my life, im just sick of being on my own and having to spend big chunks of time without my child.

Perhaps you are just a bit depressed at the moment then? I know the feeling and when it feels like you are having a full life by most peoples standards, it still doesnt make you feel happy.

Just try and take the postives from it if you can ( I know its not easy when you feel fed up!) . Maybe get some drugs from the doctors..they do work wonders!!
x

i just need my dd back and to go back to work, then ill be fine and back to normal.

i didnt feel this way friday, or even sat. it just hit yesterdayand hasnt shifted today, so im sure its just a passing thing.

You are actually my inspiration, do you know that? When I tell you things you always make me feel like it's attainable. I think you are fab!

It sounds like you are experiencing a phase of being dissatisfied with your lot. It can't be boredom because you've been so busy! I can imagine that you are frustrated with the dating lark too, it's a bit groundhog day, you meet someone, seems to go ok but no second date follows. Same old, same old.

If meeting a man is your mission then perhaps it's time to look at fresh ways of doing so? Internet dating isn't working so change tack. Join a book club, do a car maintenance course, get an allotment, retrain as a male hairdresser . Anything to change direction cos, as we all know, if you always do what you've always done you will always get what you've always got.

I'd take DD swimming if there was a baths local to us. Lot's of nice men in the pool on holiday! And lot's of single dad's take their kids swimming

I just wrote a long post and lost it :(

Watch just to say I really do get a lot of how you feel, I have a lot of similar thoughts, esp when I'm at a low ebb most of the time in my case.

I am without the DSs now til Thursday and have done nothing so far today other than sit around and eat chocolate

This probably won't help at all, but honestly you have so much more going for you than me, you're younger, you have proper interests and do stuff (and of course the lovely hair). I really only have geography in ny favour, living near London I should have a greater pool of men to choose from in theory - not that it feels like it, just more crap ones.

Time you really need a job as a life coach or something, you would be so good at it - your advice is always so positive and encouraging (I have no idea how you manage it!)

I have been thinking back to when I got pregnant (accidentally, wasn?t with his dad in any way really) with DS1. I was 25, and I already had a 5 year plan that by 30 I would use donor sperm to have a baby because I didn?t think I would ever have a long term relationship, but knew I wanted children. That?s not normal is it? I was 25, I had a great figure, loads of male attention?why did I think like that?

Awh, thank you sponge. I would love a job like that, I love to see people flourish.

Sponge, no, that is not normal. It screams low self esteem. What you said to watch does too. You have just as much going for you as any of us do, Not one of us is any better than the other, we are just different. We all have fantastic qualities, every single one of us, we just each have different fantastic qualities. And that includes you! Take a look at everything you have achieved, your job, buying your house, raising your children single handedly, your brilliant weight loss. You too are an inspiration!! You have to believe in yourself Sponge, you have to believe that one day you will meet someone. If you walk around with a negative attitude then that is what you give off, people pick up on it. If you smile like you don't care and believe anything is possible then that is the air you will give off. You will attract men to you like a flower attracts butterflies

I look forward to every single day. I go to bed at night wondering what the following day will bring, because you just never know, and that's what makes it exciting, it's like a present waiting to be unwrapped. I'm getting into the habit of making goals again, having dreams, that all keeps me thinking positive, gives me something to look forward to and to aim for. If you hit a brick wall, don;t let it stop you moving forward, look for a way to get over it or smash it down. Don't let anything stop you, especially your own thinking.

ah, thanks. it does help - really. I know, im not usually like this, im usually the ' you can do it, i can do it' girl. just yesterday and today i feel like i cant. which is proably why i feel crap.
If i want something i should just do it, thats how i am, but i cant seem to do this.

Ive tried different tacts, i joined a socalising group in my area, that i had to pay for!!!! except there were so few people, nothing ever actally happened.

Ive done persuading people on nights out... mostly people want to socalise in their homes it seems.. which while lovely, keeps the options of meeting new people to zero.

I would love to do some kind of evening class, noone wants to baby sit for me regualry ( have had this conversation with many people over the years) so that rules that out. Any photography club is filled with over 60's only ( ive looked)i even looked at the local divocees club, but thats all over 60's too.

I dont have time for an allotment and the waiting list is 3 years ( i wanted one last year)

my dog, despite many people proclaiming dog walking is where its at, has as yet to pull me a man.

ive done the hanging around farmers markets and vintage markets - nothing...

So i have tried other stuff. but also get knowhere.
men look, but they dont approach me. but then, whos going to come up and chat me up at a bloody farmers market, when im buying carrots??!?!?!?!?!? lol

the only thing i havent done is take a book and a picninc and go lay in the park by myself, but people might just think i was homeless?

and everyone tells me how nice i am, yet i cant even get a second date???

sponge - honestly, i wondered if location was it, until i looked near your area, and you are correct. lol... just more crap ones. its bloody awful.

sponge - time is right. i know im not in the right place to be saying that today, but she is :)

bar the bit about being positive and attracting men. usually imthe most positive, fun loving, exciting person... and yeah, well, you know....

you know. im sure it comes down to timing, two people meeting, liking each other, but both of them wanting to settle down a bit.

Which is the difficult bit i think, lots of men 35-45 ish, are freshly divorced and wanting to play the field after being married and then all the stress of being divorced, they dont want that back again, hence lots oof dates, but it not going further. Younger than 30 and mostly they are of the ' lets shag lots of women, then get back to my xbox and drinking beer with my mates' variety.
i have no clue about the over 45's.....

at people thinking you are homeless! Oh sod it, just do it anyway. Who cares what people think!

Why not start a club of your own? How about you arrange a singles night in the local village hall or something. This was something I had thought about when slaving working at the children's centre. I ran it by quite a few people and they were all up for it, men included, cos believe it or not there are actually men out there saying exactly the same as you.

It's nothing to do with you personally, it's just what internet dating brings. It cuts to the chase. If you were to meet someone in a work environment, chat to them very day, join them for coffee etc, you get to know them and so there's more chance of something romantic developing. With internet dating most people have in mind what they are looking for, the invisible check list, rather than really invest in the person in front of them they stuck in their own minds, ticking off things on the check list. They have no idea what they may be missing out on because they don't look deep enough. If there isn't an instant 'click' then it's on to the next. Hence the same old faces being on POF for the last 10 years

So, get out your picnic blanket and get thee to the park. And just for good measure get yourself a "I am single and looking" T shirt printed, with your phone number on the back!

right - there is a speed dating event on the 14th may £10 few miles from my house. its run by the woman who was recently on come dine with me.

im going to go, not least to say ive been - though i may want to shoot myself after.

Absolutely being positive attracts men. Although I'm not really that exciting, I'm more demure . I like books so I'm going to hang around bookshops and wear my T shirt. You would probably pull hanging around a surf club, that's exciting and they have scruffy hair. Well, they do on Home and Away. Do you fancy learning to surf?

And yes, it is absolutely to do with timing. That's why you should look forward to every single day cos you never know what or who it might bring.

During my non dating months I have discovered that the majority of men, no matter what age, would love a long term relationship without the threat possibility of marriage or living together. They want something nice with no strings and no hassle. Which suits me too.

Then there are the men around my age who have failed marriages under their belts, who didn't appreciate what they had when they had it and are looking for a replacement.

The younger men are lovely are looking more for no strings with an older woman. Oooh err missis!!

watch sorry am lol-ing at being chatted up buying carrots! See, you have a great sense of humour as well I second what you say about photography btw, one of my good friends joined a photography club, lovely people but none of them under 55 and most older than that.

Time you know I don't think of myself as having low self esteem, certainly didn't think so when I was in my 20s, the opposite in fact - I know in those days I used to think I was far better than everyone else

I do remember my dad telling me (I ignored him, of course!) that I wanted someone I could dominate intellectually, and who would be in awe of me, but that that wouldn't make me happy, and I needed to find an equal.

He may have been right. Shame it's taken me nearly 20 years to realise it!

YEAH!!!!! Do it!! If you really do want a man then you have to!

I would come with you if I lived closer. I think I would prefer that to this internet dating lark. It's always nice to see what you are getting in the flesh. It saves the disappointment when they turn up looking 20 years older than their photo.

hmm, i could loiter round the cool shops.... im not sure about surfing, though i love segways, im going to do it off road next month, there might be some nice outdoorsy types??

ill see about the speed dating... its scary. min 15 dates in one night!!!

Watch I'd do the speed dating with you if I lived closer, it is my friend's favourite recommendation at the moment, they are all telling me to go. Especially as I much prefer meeting people face to face rather than emails and stuff which just bore me. I would look for one near me, but I couldn't face going on my own. And I would need to be pissed merry to get through it...

I've just realised my last post makes me sound like I think I'm some sort of genius. I am not at all . I like false eyelashes and crap reality TV. I'm not unintelligent though unlike most of my Exes .

sponge there is nothing wrong with thinking highly of yourself. It is wrong to think you mustn't be good enough just because you don't have men asking you out.

If you had listened to your dad and settled for someone who wasn't on the same level as you intellectually do you think you would have been happy? Do you think you would have received the mental stimulation you need from that person? It's quite possible that if you had chosen someone you didn't consider to be on your level, that the relationship would have been miserable, you would have felt resentful and it would have failed.

I don't think there is anything wrong at all in trying to find an equal. If you are of way above average intelligence then it becomes a problem because it narrows your field somewhat

There is too much emphasis on a man to make you happy, they won't. A diamond in the rough can compliment the happiness you have created yourself. You need to be positive to attract nice men. I have had low self esteem in the past so do understand.

Sponge, I was the same with DD. I did the whole thing alone and went back to work when she was 3 months to pay the mortgage. I would chose a baby over a long term relationship any day. It's a real acheivement in itself.

sponge - i will only go if you go to one too :)
hows that for a deal.
yes, im going to need a drink or two first.. but going with someone will make no difference because you are sat at seperate little tables

watch, feel the fear and do it anyway!! First dates with a practical stranger are scary but you manage that. You will be in a room full of fit men people, nothing to be scared about.

What is this segways you keep mentioning? I've never heard of it! but I'm old

And yes, hang around the cool shops, put yourself in any area which frequents the kind of man you are looking for.

sponge I knew what you meant . Confidence is good though, you should be proud of who you are. If you are a genius then you are allowed to brag about it

We only have one life so it's important that we live it, that we don't let fear hold us back. The more we do that challenges us, the stronger and more confident we become. Simples!

I agree with everything you say adams. When I became pregnant with DD I had a great job, my own home, money, a good life. I lost it all when I moved in with him. I so wish I had stayed single and done it all myself.

Well heres another one left disappointed after a rather excellent date, I just don't get it :( Best date ever on Thursday night and get this message today 'Sorry for ignoring you got a lot to sort before work, wont be around for a while. look after yourself was lovely meeting you. Im not really committing to anything right now. Stay bright and happy like you are. M x' What the actual fuck, had a little cry because I thought we got on so well. So, lovely wise ladies what should my reply be to that one, I need assistance big time.

www.singlescenedating.com/ sponge and anyone south east...

if it was a room full of fit men, it would be fine, im more worried it will be a room ful of loosers....

segways -goape.co.uk/forest-segway

those wheely motorised things that you move and control speed and directon by leaning