Fuck Him and his Barbour - dating chat 10

[watchoutforthatsnail]

New thread - you know what to do :)

hatesponge - living near London I should have a greater pool of men to choose from in theory - not that it feels like it, just more crap ones.

soooo very true ;)

Phoenix disappointing I know but at least he has let you know. That's quite a nice message. I would reply with one that is equally as nice, telling him that you enjoyed meeting him too and if he has a change of heart in the near future to give you a call.

phoenix - dont reply, there is no need. Its good he has told you that - shows more manners than most of them do. and yes, its really shit. It really makes no sense.

and sponge - i secnd and third everything the others have said - and you have fab hair too :)

watchoutforthatsnail - thanks for the link - Iwill try to go to one of those

Ahh I know what you mean now watch, that Lembit bloke drives one of those. Nuff said

I'll go for the 40+ one in Blackheath - it would be nice if there was someone else to go along with :)

www.singlescenedating.com/booknow.php?event=717

Time that's exactly what my relationship with my abusive Ex was like. It was fine for the first few months (we were hugely physically attracted to each other, lust has a lot to answer for , plus I'd recently split up with someone who didn't like sex so I felt I was making up for lost time). Then I got pregnant with DS2 and it all went massively downhill. Whenever we had an argument he thought I was taking the piss out of him by using words he didn't understand. And then he couldn?t express himself so would get frustrated and smash stuff up, and occasionally hit me.

However bad I feel now being single, I have to remember at least I?m not still with him.

Watch ok if you go to one I will too . My fear is that it will either be a room full of 30 something geeks in tank tops, or men old enough to be my dad.

Phoenixx agree you should ignore. It's good that he's at least contacted you BUT why go on a date if he's not looking to commit to anything? Baffling.

happyAvocado Blackheath is not far from me! If it was over 35s I would offer to go with you, I am very nearly 40 but not quite there yet and would prefer a man younger than me

There is a man who lives near me who has his own Segway, he collects his (v tiny) wife from the station, they ride back on it together!

DS2 thinks it's fab and wants me to get him one

hatesponge - I am 45, it is true that when I went on a dates ith guys near my age many looked much older that I thought they were....

however for 35+ - I think I would be pushing my luck ;)

I can totally relate to that sponge, mine was like that too. He hated the fact I was clever, he hated me reading or learning, he resented me for being more intelligent than him. He would get angry during conversations if I used a word he didn't understand and accuse me of trying to belittle him, he would try to belittle me in front of company too. Vile man. When I met him though my self esteem wasn't as good as it is now. I didn't settle with him because he made me feel good, I settled with him because I didn't feel good enough to be with someone who was attractive and intelligent. I settled for a non person because I felt like a non person. I wouldn't look at him twice now.

I'm 47 and a quarter and I would date a fit toned hunky 35 year old! Men my age, things have dropped, bellys are bigger, they look miserable and boring. They don't inspire me at all! Don't let age become a barrier when it's only a number.

sponge - go :) and ill go. ok, ill do it. but ill need moral support :)
im going to an under 40's one so by your thoughts should only have geeks to deal with.

do we have a joint thing about men trying to belittle us - my exhusband was the same... hated me because i was clevered than him - and freely admitted it. not nice.

actually, -- i feel better now, i have a plan :) next sunny childfree day and ill hang out in the park. and then the speed dating.

time i really love your attitude :)

watch join your local theatre group. really. I've met so many lovely people since I joined mine.

sponge you're kinda near me i think (I'm BR1) shall we try and find one? (Blackheath scares me!)

the manboy is apparently in my next play. he obviously can't keep away from me. (snort!) I would ruin him for all other women.

Time I got trapped by circumstance, if I'd never got pregnant (DS2 was also an accident - I was ridiculously fertile in my 20s) we would have split up within a few months as soon as the initial physical attraction wore off. He didn't really show his true colours til we bought this house together, and by then it was too late.

35 year old will drop me once he realises he wand=ts a child of his own - happens too often

Thank you snape

Hurray!! watch, brilliant!!

The men belittle us because they are insecure control freaks. They are attracted to us because we are confident, intelligent and gorgeous human beings, they sweet talk and manipulate us into marriage and/or pregnancy because they want to own us, then when they have us they don't want any other man to find attractive in us what they did so they set about breaking us down. That's my theory anyway.

sponge mine showed his true colours once I was pregnant but looking back now I take complete responsibility for getting involved with him. He was always a bit 'odd' but I remember thinking I was a strong enough woman to be able to cope with his mood swings and temper tantrums. I didn't realise back then that these were red flags that I shouldn't have to be coping with. I did try to end it a few times but he always managed to convince me that we had a wonderful future together. Yeah, too right we did

happy lots of men in mid 30s have children already though, most of the ones I've dated/messaged do, and not that bothered about having any more...

snape ok lets find a local one to go to - then Watch will have to go to hers as well! Will you be having to fit manboy for his costume for the next play?

Hi guys, is this an online dating thread? (don't mean to be rude but don't have time to read the 36 pages) - if so, mind if I join in?

TimeForMeAndDD - my ex was depressed when I met him, and was in a good mood only if everything was 100% as he expected, I was trying to guess his moods and whims... now at a sniff of depression I am affraid I run a mile, Idon't want to go back to the misery of those days...

Time there were red flags with mine as well, but I was pregnant within 6 weeks so nothing before then - other than a flash of temper on a night out, but that was directed at a 3rd party not me, so I thought little of it. He was far too happy about the baby (red flag I know now), and the temper towards me came a few weeks later. He made me cry several times while I was pregnant by shouting at me/being horrible (and I can shout and argue for England so it must've been bad to upset me). He also was texting and planning to meet an ex-gf. I really should have ended it then before we got the house (and the violence started) but I didn't want to be on my own with a baby and toddler. I didn't realise it was only going to get worse.

Oh tell me about it happy. Mine was permanently depressed, life was so hard, such a trauma for him. I got caught up in trying to make him happy, show him that life was fun but he was far too negative. By the time I left he had managed to drag me down to his level, I was more depressed than I have ever been in my life! When I see him now I can't stand the sight of his miserable, pathetic, poor me face. I want to slap him with a wet fish! He has no life in him, he is one speed only, he is dull and boring. I made the ultimate mistake of thinking I could change him, that I could make him happy. Nothing will ever make that man happy, ever. He is best totally avoided, just breathing the same air as him drains me of energy, it exhausts me.

I am br1 too, by coincidence. My friends mum is a.baby sitter or used to be and has this and last week off, so I trust her.

I know what you mean sponge. He nagged me for 3 years for a baby, I didn't really want another one, I had my 3 children, my job, home, and was happy but in one stupid mad moment I agreed and became pregnant straight away. I thought he would have been delighted but his mood changed almost as soon as I told him. He became all serious, as though he was on a mission. It really was as though he had got what he wanted so he didn't have to pretend to be nice or like me any more. At 7 weeks pregnant things really kicked off and he was vile. I should have ended it there and then but, like you, I didn't want to be a single parent to three children and a baby. It all went drastically downhill from there.

chickenskin yes, this is the dating thread, one date guaranteed closely followed by a vanisher or a dumper

It amazes me how very similar these men are, they really do follow a script, there is a patter. I thought I was the only woman going through it (the DV). I didn't talk about it because I felt embarrassed, ashamed, a failure, I thought it was my fault. If I had spoken out I might well have found someone who was going through the same and that would have given me the courage and confidence to leave sooner than I did. Thinking he was the only man with a vile temper, being scared of him gave him power and kept me a prisoner. If I had known about the script I wouldn't have been as scared or isolated. He isn't some monster to be afraid of, he is a cowardly bastard bully, insecure and pathetic, throws his weight about in order to feel in control. He has to abuse a woman in order to keep her. Sad bastard.