Advice on DH using prostitutes and sex

[oldaninpurple]

Ok. I'll try to be brief as I could do without being outed in RL. Really great relationship, 2 young DC's. DH has expressed frustration that our sex life is perhaps not as exciting as it used to be.

Our children are potentially likely to come toddling across the landing and I find it hard to relax and get into anything 'indepth' and do get a bit nervous about the noise. DH is very noisy! I'm still doing a night feed with the littlest one but thought we were doing ok intimacy wise but it seems I was wrong :(

I've recently found out DH has been using prostitutes. Definately once in the past month but I reckon it must be more.. What do I do? I haven't said or done anything yet.

I'm a bit in shock, I almost convinced myself to book a hotel and whisk him off to recapture our earlier years but WTF? He's paying another woman to.. Well, just well! Could you\would you forgive? Apart from an obvious STI check :( what would you do?

Thanks.

carmen I don't believe he cancelled, I believe he just got caught :(

I was a bit by the wouldn't be permitted too.

Does he mean the Catholic church or summat

My life is fucked isn't it NO, it isn't, its just the first steps on a new & I would imagine infinitely better life path

I once lived with a Guy who was a pathological liar, on the surface he too seemed like mr perfect, too good to be true - I ended up living with him as with hindsight I was even conned into that, but he was so good to me he won me over - but he lied so often about the tiniest, totally insignificant things, that even though my instinct thought "liar" I dismissed it as why on earth would anyone lie about that - so by the time the big lies came - like not having an affair, using prostitutes & taking my Brother with him - I questioned my instinct - thats how they work

Some much came out after I kicked him out it was mind boggling, I didn't know him at all - he wasn't even going to work everyday - just waiting within sight of the house until I left & then going back - my very foundations of trusting in myself & instincts were shaken to the very core - he also became a stalker - despite already now being married to the woman he wasn't having an affair with - less than 2 months after I kicked him out - so a whole massive can of worms

do I now look back with regret - like bloody hell I do & you will in time see that too

No purple, I don't either, but it wouldn't be a very good excuse even if he had.

So did you ask why he had booked in first place? Was he admitting that he was unhappy and was planning to deceive you?

Purple- luckily for you, nobody made your husband the national issuer of divorce permits.

Your husband has wrecked your marriage and is trying to pretend he can get away with it, but your life is your own to move forward with. You can divorce him with his permission.

It sounds as though you'll never get a straight answer from him- you might be better off concentrating your energies on planning for the possibility of divorce and making sure you are fully in the picture wrt finances etc.

sorry, you can divorce him without his permission.

It's sad that he doesn't even seen to be trying to make ammends.

He would be better off cracking up and fessing up. Rather thn passing it off as a nothing.

Like i have said previously it is because he is one of these very strange fellas who doesn't really see using prostitutes as actual cheating.

Just buying a service, no reflection on you, blah blah shite.

inertia thank you and I must say thank you to everyone who PM'd me with views and experiences. I really appreciate it.

^It's sad that he doesn't even seen to be trying to make ammends.

He would be better off cracking up and fessing up. Rather thn passing it off as a nothing.

Like i have said previously it is because he is one of these very strange fellas who doesn't really see using prostitutes as actual cheating.

Just buying a service, no reflection on you, blah blah shite^

Totally agree carmen I was hoping for Purples sake thats how it would go & with the S&M scene been his kink & having some experience of that I also know that it quite probably wasn't even full sex - but if he can't be honest & his attitude stinks the way it does, then you really will be better off without this poor excuse of a Man

Wishing you much strength & an easy journey to a new & better life Purple :)

Oh, OP. You don't need his approval to divorce. I am so sorry you've found yourself in this awful situation, but it does seem to me that an awful lot about his real attitudes to women, to you, are going to be coming out now.

I could not spend my life with a paying rapist, for my own part.

'I made the appointment but cancelled' seems to be the modern day equivalent of 'the cheque's in the post'

I think given the circs you could get a pretty quick divorce.

TBH "I lie if its easier to or not worth the whole big conversation that'll take place if I don't " is as much of a deal-breaker as the prostitute thing. How will you ever trust him again if it's that easy to lie?

So he has chosen the deny deny deny route like most cheaters.

You have got evidence and with this you should be able to get a divorce easily - there is nothing he can do to stop you.

Have you thought about phoning his single mate and asking him? Although in might have warned the mate that you might do that.

Why books prostitutes for their friends!?

Hi, how are things?

Op - how are you
What has shocked me most is that he put your child's life in danger as he knows you are bf. I hope you are ok