In shock can't quite believe it............Long Sorry

[Startingagain88]

I hope someone can give me some good advice as i don't really have any friends and my parents have passed away.
I've been lurking on the relationships part of the forums for a few months now- as I suppose I had a gut feeling there may be something wrong but I didnt expect this.........
Long term DP of 15 years has announced this evening that he is no longer physically attracted to me, or in love with me- he 'cares' for me but that's it......
Hes been having a stressful time at work recently and i knew that something wasn't right but he always said that he was just tired from work.
He told me that he has met a woman who he has had a few drinks with- but nothing 'sexual' has happened between them- he says that he doesn't love her- but then again he doesn't love me!
He then left very upset telling me he was going to a friends, i called to make sure he was ok as he was driving upset and asked whether he got there ok, he said yes, i then asked whether he was with her the line went quiet.....

I'm absolutely devastated and in complete shock...thank god we dont have any children, i loved this man and planned my future around him- i gave him lots of opportunities to tell me what was wrong....i gave up my job last year to support him in his new business venture and we have been eating into my savings all the time only now does he tell me that he doesn't love me........and hasn't for eight months...

I'm now left with no job, no friends and a half done house- I need some help please....................

You live there so it is at least livable for you and chances are some lodgers might not mind. If you get the right person it could be fine. Someone who likes your dog for starters, get references, have agreement in place re food, housework, visitors, noise agreement, and perhaps agree to review things monthly.

Going through something similar myself.

Vander has given wonderful advice, stolen some of her sound advice for myself (if you don't mind).

I found texts to his new date this week also, confronted my man and he admitted it nonchulantly justifying it as we were splitting up (I've come home to UK and he was supposed to follow - we have 2 kids), I say were as he's been back and forth every 3 weeks and in and out of our bed and discussing our future etc, but yet it's ok to go dating! Grrrr MEN!

I threw him out (he had another day before he flew back) and left him to it, although my hubby will also be returning in two weeks and I'm wondering how i should handle him. I can't help but have a thousand questions about this 'other woman', yet what good would it do to know other than to torture myself about it. It's bad enough imagining him with someone else let alone the details!

We WILL get there. Men are selfish by nature and woman are multi taskers - so lets multi task ourselves out of this one - how? I'm with you on that one, just don't know, but I'm determined to try and not waste another day on this man whom made vows to me that have all been broken :(

Good luck, thinking of you x

Simples redhead - don't let him in the house.... other than seeing the kids. I went through it, asked him to come back and he did it again. Leopards and all of that...
Starting, keep going!!!

Grrrr MEN! er Grrrrr WANKER if you ask me. What a knob.

I can't help but have a thousand questions about this 'other woman', yet what good would it do to know other than to torture myself about it Dear God woman, he's torturing you and you're letting him! He sounds HORRIBLE. Please - get rid!

Men are selfish by nature er not necessarily, though yours is by the sound of it. He is being monstrously selfish and cruel from what you've said.

I was in your position a couple of years ago, you're doing sooo well starting, much better than I did.. I still haven't managed to get rid of the snivelling toad.. Keep going

I wasn't able to eat either, in fact I lost 22kg in 6 weeks.. which was good in one way cos I needed those kg shifted but not a healthy way to do it.

What I did was drink milky coffees, and to boost the protein I added 10 teaspoons of marvel powder to each pint of milk.. 5g of protein per teaspoonful. It sounds nasty but in fact you don't taste it at all.

Keep on being as strong as you are, you're an inspiration huggs

I know you are hurting redhead but not all men are selfish wankers, in fact some women even fit that description. That is not to detract from the point that both yours and startings men ARE wankers, they are not representative of the whole species.

Morning :),

Six hours sleep last night AND managed to eat two weetabix :) Sad i know!!

Still feel in a 'daze' brain not quite functioning properly....but hopefully as i start to eat and sleep more regularly that will change....

Have Estate Agent coming today....and a tradesman too.....need to get some ideas of how much cleaning up his mess is going to cost...........

He collected his car yesterday, i didn't see him just spoke to him through the fence got him to sign to say he has taken it......he wont fill in log book because he doesn't want to give me his address, spoke to DVLA i just need to write them a letter stating what has happened and they will remove it from my address.

Through the fence he says that he is as happy has he has ever been and he should have left a year ago......but he looks like shit, his clothes are dirty, hair unkempt etc....i honestly feel he has had some sort of breakdown or mid life crisis....but that is no longer my problem.

Only- i agree not all men are wankers, my brother's not and neither was my dad!!

I can honestly say that i AM starting to feel stronger, when he took his car instead of feeling loss/sadness i felt as though a weight had been lifted, my drive looks massive now without it :)

I know this is going to be a long road yet.....but now i at least feel that things WILL get better.........

I know you don't want to but i would seriously keep the van/car or whatever which is in your name. That would help quite a bit towards the repairs.

You're just too nice

The man doth protest too much hey starting?

Maxy .....maybe....he hasn't told me what's going on in his head......i think he was probably scared of the responsibility etc of being provider, settling down/babies, the house in a a mess lots of work for him still to do etc....the OW came along and he took the opportunity for some distraction...she pumped up his ego.....

He doesn't tell me any of this ....we row a few times and that's it he bolts and goes to her and now i think he is trying to convince himself he's done the right thing.......he has to really...ive told him i would never have him back after this.

So i think when he says all these hurtful things and lies about our relationship...his trying to create a new history a history which means he wont think hes made a mistake and regret what he has done....

TBH i cant believe a word that comes out of his mouth at the moment....so the more i stay away from him/ dont talk to him the better! :)

I am with maxi. I hope your response was "i wish you had fucked off a year ago too because I would still have had the job you asked me to leave. Wanker!"

I am so pleased you are so strong.

Dd asked to go to the beach this morning. When its nice and I have a day off we might head to whitstable. Would love to meet for coffee or icecream.

I know my EXDP unless he has completely changed in the last ten days, i can still him burying his head in the sand, drinking too much.....scared for his future....worrying about money etc.....he likes security....thats what has surprised me about all of this.

Unfortunately....the OW came along and he took the bait....now we can NEVER go back to the way it was.......Im moving on without him.

Starting even before ow your relationship sounded broken. Don't wonder what might have been without her, she did you a favour. Honestly what you were doing was existing. Now you can start really living.

Only.....lol

Thank you, im trying to be strong and slowly getting there..........

That would be lovely!!....lots to do in Whitstable.........i might even buy you fish and chips! :)

I really thought I new the bones of my ex. In retrospect I never really knew him at all.

Ohhh proper chips. My local chippies are awful. Haven't had decent chips in years. Also haven't had breakfast yet so now I am drooling!

starting you are inspirational!

Only, yep we definitely had our issues.....but i did always think that we could work through/ overcome them together.....

We were in a 'bubble' a possibly codependent one, but i did still love him...or i thought i did!! :(

Every day that passes im feeling more optimistic about my future, just finding me feet at the moment! :) :)

Starting - if you regularly have to travel to the same place, you might manage to find someone that can look after Bully for you when you're there. I know a couple of people that are near me that take dogs for the day or to board that don't charge the earth.

There has to be a business in that. Matching up people who want to look after a dog but not all the time and without the responsibility or vet bills and people who need intermittent dog care.

Right. Who is good at websites.

Thank you worldgonecrazy id really dont feel it at the moment...im getting there! :)

starting - the are doing so fabulously - well done. I posted right at the beginning- i kept the family dog - i have dog walkers and that works great and they can look after our dog when we go away which is such a help. I also thought that i knew my exh but they are able to rewrite history - mine even insists that we were living together 2 whole years before we did because he thinks that enhances his prospects of getting money from me - we were married so that is different from you. I really need to change my name now because to be honest i am no longer devastated and feel happier without the baxxxxd than i have done in years ... whereas he having made his bed with the trollop looks unhappier every time i see him- which i avoid like the plague. Perhaps i should become deliriouslyhappyof dorset? keep going - enjoy your chips and if you fancy a trip to Dorset with Bully he can come and meet Izzy my dog x

What a knobend devastated!

Thanks deliriouslyhappyof dorset lol!- It amazing isnt it how they change the story to suit themselves!! Thank you so much for the invite to Dorset, thats a beautiful part of the country, Bully and i may take you up on that! :)