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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

In shock can't quite believe it............Long Sorry

999 replies

Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 00:41

I hope someone can give me some good advice as i don't really have any friends and my parents have passed away.
I've been lurking on the relationships part of the forums for a few months now- as I suppose I had a gut feeling there may be something wrong but I didnt expect this.........
Long term DP of 15 years has announced this evening that he is no longer physically attracted to me, or in love with me- he 'cares' for me but that's it......
Hes been having a stressful time at work recently and i knew that something wasn't right but he always said that he was just tired from work.
He told me that he has met a woman who he has had a few drinks with- but nothing 'sexual' has happened between them- he says that he doesn't love her- but then again he doesn't love me!
He then left very upset telling me he was going to a friends, i called to make sure he was ok as he was driving upset and asked whether he got there ok, he said yes, i then asked whether he was with her the line went quiet.....

I'm absolutely devastated and in complete shock...thank god we dont have any children, i loved this man and planned my future around him- i gave him lots of opportunities to tell me what was wrong....i gave up my job last year to support him in his new business venture and we have been eating into my savings all the time only now does he tell me that he doesn't love me........and hasn't for eight months...

I'm now left with no job, no friends and a half done house- I need some help please....................

OP posts:
VanderElsken · 06/03/2012 21:04

Only you know the answer to that, Starting. That is exactly what he's doing. It's perfect for him. He gets two women falling over him and you get nothing. I suspect it's because your confidence has been eroded over a period of time and your support network has gone and you independence has been crushed.

Please don't live out the rest of your life this way. He will leave, eventually. He will never make you feel safe, never make you feel loved.

You need to dig deep and find the strength from somewhere that says, I am not the second choice for a man who hasn't even got the decency to tell me the truth.

Don't say 'I don't believe you' say 'YOU ARE LYING'. It is not your fault. He is doing this. You are okay. He needs to change. You have a voice in you telling you the truth about all of this, you need to feed that voice, make it louder, listen to it.

HE NEEDS SPACE?! To figure out if he still loves you!? No he doesn't he's roadtesting her, you know this. Exactly how long until he suddenly finds the answer to whether he loves you or not?! How many 'drinks' or 'shags'. He's moving out to have his cake and eat it. He's not worthy to touch your fucking roof (not a euphemism).

Don't you dare let him fix that roof, get a professional.
Putting too much pressure on him? ! Jesus.
Have you always been this passive around him, Starting? It sounds like contact with him and you get a bit girly and helpless. Is he a bit older than you? He clearly is fulfilling a lot of roles for you (all of them badly). you have to disentangle this. I know it hurts, and I know it will for a while and I'm so so sorry. But why are you so afraid of losing him? Deep deep down. You have your own house, your own money, you are young, you seem bright and loving. You will be FINE without him. This guy is treating you like absolute shit. You need to work out why you're so in thrall to him.

Here's the truth that women can't often get their heads round. Love should be our servant not our master. If you love him, so what?! he's still cheated on you and still lied to you and still doesn't actually even want to be with you, the bored philandering nobhead. If you love him, LEAVE HIM ANYWAY. YOU CAN AND WILL LOVE SOMEONE ELSE. Love is cheap when it's love like this.

Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 21:07

Hi Bored...yes he now says they just kissed apparently he slept on the sofa last night- does he think I'm a complete idiot....?

At the moment I'm flitting between crying from the pit of my stomach and getting pissed off and angry.......the dog keeps looking out the window for him as well and i know this sounds really silly but that's upsetting me too............

OP posts:
PooPooInMyToes · 06/03/2012 21:08

You should tell him that by the time he's made up his mind there is a chance you will have realised you don't want him back.

VanderElsken · 06/03/2012 21:12

Of course it is, poor thing, it's like he's manifesting the most emotional parts of you! You need to both get out and about doing things and not waiting at the window when you feel ready.

I'm so glad there's a part of you that is capable of getting pissed off. Listen to it. Hell, I'm pissed off for you, have some of mine!

There will be a lot of crying. 15 years is a long time. But you know it's also a long time to be shut out, trapped and friendless and cheated on. The next few years could be utterly fantastic. Or they could be spent with him umming and ahhing and you worries about 'making him happy' until he cheats and leaves again.

We're all thinking of you, Starting. Think of all the things you were interested in doing and trying before you decided to throw your lot in with him and never pursued. I suspect there may be a few....

piratecat · 06/03/2012 21:14

well you got to get some things out, but i am also hoping and i think it is, that your inner strength will be gaining momentum. It is also natural to be all over the place.

There is no way he slept on the sofa.

Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 21:18

Vander you talk such complete sense why am i being such as walkover?

He probably took over my fathers role somewhat when he died- i had lost both my parents by the time i was 23 and i was deeply affected by this...........i was in a black hole and he stuck by me..........before this he was my BF and lover rolled into one..... i I suppose i feel that if he leaves for good no one will every love me.....ive always had this feeling that i am not quite good enough.........

One of the problems i have is that he started a loft conversion and it isnt quite finished- ie the roof is leaking a bit...bathroom needs fitting- i need him to finish it off really otherwise it will cost a fortune to complete...he has agreed to do this is this a control thing...he likes to feel that i need him and he is helping me out????????

OP posts:
nappymaestro · 06/03/2012 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VanderElsken · 06/03/2012 21:39

Starting, you had a really really tough start into adulthood. It's totally understandable that you would appreciate and invest deeply in whatever adult was there to love you and support you at the time through that.

It's confusing when someone takes that sort of role at that sort of pivotal moment because one of the things we feel is that our parents should love us unconditionally. This can be transferred onto a partner quite easily, particularly in the cases when parents have gone. And the fear of abandonment becomes utterly heightened and devastating. No partner loves unconditionally as a parent does, nor should they. you should not love him unconditionally even though he cheated on you and is lying about it. he does not love you unconditionally and has decided to play away. This is heartbreaking and reminiscent of a lot for you.

Most people being left can say 'oh well at least I have my friends, or my family or my job, or all of those'. but you have been particularly badly treated because you have lost a lot quite young. That does not mean he is all you have. In fact I think maybe he's been keeping you from having a lot of that stuff.

I think you already know that coming to do the roof stuff is definitely a subtle way to keep control and ease guilt. He would get to look in on you most days, which seems caring but isn't because you can't look in on him can you? Hell, he wouldn't even tell you who she was? You are the child in this relationship and when you come here and talk to us having recently seen him you even have a voice more like a child. But the wonderful thing is that even after an hour, that fades. you literally grow the further from him company you are.

Let me ask you this, if you said to him you are going to get your head together and stay with someone, without telling him who, but of course you would still appreciate he finish what he started in the loft, do you think he still would? come in ever other day and work on it, in an empty house?

I would like to think he would, because that's exactly what he should do morally and would be the best thing for you too. but if not, think very carefully about why not. Of course he likes to feel you need him, you've already said how he likes to feel 'like a man'. Well now he has two women saying he loves them and two beds and a handyman job where he can come round and make sure you're not having anyone 'sleep on the sofa' and then he can go back to god knows where and live his other life.

He would have to BEG, BEG for you even to consider getting back with him after what he's done to you. And yet it's all about his uncertainties, his insecurity, his judging of you. What does he think is going to happen in the next few weeks? That you will become a different person? That he will? no, he just thinks if I can keep both options open that would be great until something resolves it.

Soon, OP, soon, this has to stop. Give it a week to get your head right and then you are going to get properly angry and properly in charge of your life. You have a whole new life on the horizon, whatever way, not with a parental substitute who cheats on you and not with no friends and no job. All of that has to change, so you may as well do it without him. You have had a lucky escape, bright and childless and a home owner. Getting back with this man would probably be a prison for you. It has given you what you needed, security through a difficult time and someone who represented love and support. But maybe it's time to let go.

Someone will love you again. I promise. I have seen it happen every time. You have already had a really tough break in life and you got through it to become a decent, kind, clever person who has assets and opportunity. You are actually strong.
You are not losing your parents again. I promise, OP.
You are going to be okay.

Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 21:44

Nappy, I'd like to think that we could make it work- but in my heart of hearts i know that is not going to happen...........

I know that tomorrow he will say that he no longer loves me and will not be coming back.....but i don't want to believe that as its too painful for me to take in...........

He was everything to me and he knows that and he doesn't seem to care how upset i am..........that's what convinces me that he will be leaving me for her.

OP posts:
70sLadygarden · 06/03/2012 21:45

Great advice, VE.

HueyMorganismyboyfriend · 06/03/2012 21:55

Please Please please don't allow him to pop in as he feels like. Don't give him anything at all. He will play with you over and over until he eventually fucks off.

You have the opportunity to do things to preserve yourself and your dignity. Don't let him in to YOUR house tomorrow for whatever reason. Don't speak to him. He is not worthy. Take some control. Go out and ensure he can't contact you. It will tell him that you are not putting up with his unreasonable demands. It will be hard because he is your everything. The voice of bitter experience says. If you don't the pain will just keep on coming. If you cut contact to the bare minimum the pain will lessen, I promise.

Take some time out to discover YOU XX

Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 22:04

Vander- you have been so helpful to me as you have pointed out things that i know deep down but possibly don't want to admit.........

I did have a rough start into adulthood and it stunted me- it made me cling to him and withdraw from others I just wanted it to be me and him- i was and still am petrified that he will abandon me and that i wont be able to cope.......

I put off getting married and having children and i dont really know why-perhaps i knew that this wasn't a relationship that was going to last.....or that he wasn't really the one for me.......

I am trying to take control but my fear takes over, TBH the job bit has never been a problem for me but i'm so out of practice making friends i wouldn't know where to start.........i agree that being with him was a prison at times he is quite boring and likes to drink whereas i like to travel and the arts etc

Your last line really got me because thats exactly how i feel- it feels like a death im scared and frightened again -only now there is noone to save me.......im all alone

OP posts:
SlightlyJaded · 06/03/2012 22:10

Starting. Firstly, just want to give you a big hug - what has happened to you is unfair and shit.

It's early days - a fresh wound. Don't beat yourself up because you still have feelings. Of course you do. The trick is to try to be kind to yourself in the long term despite your feelings. It's a great leap of faith to believe strangers when they well you that your feelings will change and I don't blame you for thinking that the only way you can be happy is to somehow 'fix' this as it's all you've known.

What strikes me is that the thing you are missing that would really help you is RL support and friends.

Can you tell us where you are? It may be that one of us is near and we could meet for a coffee / chat. Failing that, I think it's really important that you find some way of talking this through with someone (your brother?) and also find something to keep your mind occupied and distracted. I get the feeling that your life has been a bit 'you and him' to the exclusion of others, for a while. You need to believe that there is life beyond you being half of a couple.

Sorry If I have made presumptions that are wrong.

VanderElsken · 06/03/2012 22:14

Ha, he is quite boring! You're wonderful, Standing! I knew it. Barely a day in to this horror and you can already just about admit that he had one of the worst traits it's possible for a partner to have!

You are already sensing a tiny light in all this and I promise it will get brighter.

Deep down I think we are pretty good at protecting ourselves and our instincts are good. Something in you, in your body, knew that he wasn't the man you wanted to have children with. And it was right. Imagine doing this with a new born. (You don't have to imagine there are other threads on here that will show exactly what that's like).

In a way, one day, you will come to see this positively. I know it's hard now but it may be he has served a purpose for you. He had a role in your life and he has fulfilled it. That role was to protect you and make you feel safe when you were let down by bereavement and when you just wanted to make everything about the person who loved you, so as to build that parental unconditional love you lacked. We love as we wish we were loved and you turned everything towards him in the way you were lacking a parent doing for you.

But secretly, really, he was just the strong man who happened to be there. He likes to drink? That's his hobby? Seriously, OP, get ready to stay in Paris for a while and travel to London and visit the David Shrigley exhibition. Its possible for every day to be fun.

Of course you're scared. That's okay. Just stop being scared of being scared. Embrace it. One day at a time and the fear will gradually dwindle to nothing because there is nothing really to be scared of, only adventures you've yet to have.

fengirl1 · 06/03/2012 22:14

May have already been said but if you have any joint accounts empty them RIGHT NOW.

Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 22:18

SJ , Not at all- us against the world- was our mantra we didnt need anyone else just each other..... :(

I am desperate for someone to talk to face to face but i havent got that- i told him this - he has his OW but i have noone he didnt say anything to that........im plucking up courage to ring my brother-i feel like a failure.....

Im near Whitstable in Kent

OP posts:
VanderElsken · 06/03/2012 22:21

Ring your brother, you can do it, you're not a failure. You haven't failed at all. You've been let down in a relationship after 15 years, that's all.

Those relationships which pit themselves against everyone else are unhealthy, OP. Its almost as if one worries deep down when they meet the air they might combust, so fragile are they somewhere.

AwkwardMary · 06/03/2012 22:32

Starting If you want to feel better sooner, then I can only advise you to txt hm not to bother coming about the roof as someone else has offered to do it....then pay someone....from HIS money f you can access it. I think you need to empty the accounts too...he has work...you do not.

At least take half....

If you txt that you have someone else to mend the roof he will immediately wonder who...and how you have decded you dont need him anymore.

At the moment he is secure in his knowledge of having you there....waiting....

And dont feel bad for the dog...he has you...imagine f you had had kids with this horror of a man and they were the ones wondering where Daddy was....lucky escape.

Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 22:33

Vander- you are keeping me a afloat here..i think you are right in saying something was holding me back from the marriage/kids thing i must of knew it wasn't right all along...

I turned everything to him i adored him..........im really trying to see the bright side of the situation here i can do all the things i put off etc ....but its not the same alone.............

OP posts:
Startingagain88 · 06/03/2012 22:35

AM thats one positive thing from this i don't have kids..........i dont know how i would cope......

OP posts:
only4tonight · 06/03/2012 22:37

He is the failure not you. He failed to keep it in his pants!

It will get better but you are a day in. Let yourself wallow a bit, it is healthy.

VanderElsken · 06/03/2012 22:37

Sometimes it's better alone, no one moaning next to you when you're trying to enjoy something, no one to feel responsible for or guilty about. It's nice to be alone for a while because that makes us strong and self sufficient and that is incredibly attractive!

You made him into a parent, your love was almost too intense really, like it was making up for something else. Actually that wasn't about him it was about something you needed. And he wasn't good enough to provide it for you. But you didn't really mind because you just wanted to LOVE WITH HUGE OVER-POWERING FORCE.

Down the line you will need a partner, not a rock. He's not that guy and he's proven it by cheating on you.

Loneliness is hard. You'll understand, you've been it for the last eight months. Being alone is bloody great.

fengirl1 · 06/03/2012 22:39

Take ALL the money - he's shown you you can't trust him in the worst way. IME he'll be happy to say one thing and do another. You have to protect yourself. If that sounds bitter, I've been there, done that, and got the emotional scars to show for it. Good luck and keep your chin up.

AwkwardMary · 06/03/2012 22:39

Have you managed to be kind to yourself in even a small way since this happened? You know...a nice bath? A bit of chocoate? Maybe think about it tomorrow....do one nice thing a day for yourself...buy something small that you like...or have a bath...book a massage...something that is a treat.

It DOES help...be kind to yourself every day...a relationship can't make you do tht...a relationship like the one you're out of now is nothing but painful. Now that is coming to an end you will soon begin living again.xxx

SlightlyJaded · 06/03/2012 22:39

Call your brother and talk to him - once you've told one person, it gets easier.

Fabulous advice from Vander.

Just wish I was geographically closer to you Starting. You need a friend and some RL support.