Fuck, fuck & shitting fuck

[justsofuckingsad]

Had a thread last week about DH & me & his control & my sadness & how bloody small & horrible I feel.

I t gave me strength, there were so many inspiring woman there, I decided to grasp the mettle, tell him & wrestle some control back so on Thursday I told him I'd had enough - we needed to change, he dashed back from work, all ears, was conciliatory & I thought we may have a chance.

Friday we went out to supper at a friend's house, came back & I could feel then tension building, he started jabbing & picking at me, my friends hate me, I'll end up fat & bitter, no-one will want me, people just pretend to like me & on & on.

I just ignored him, he was drunk, I didn't want to engage, so he threw me across the kitchen & punched me.

Our daughter came in, I hope to God she didn't see much but fear she did - ohh fuck, fuck, I took her back upstairs & went to bed to get away.

I woke up about an hour later, being fucked, told him to get off, he didn't.

& the fucking, fucking worst thing is I had a thread in the Summer where a very similar thing happened - I was locked in a car by him & it ended in him raping me & I didn't listen to the very good advice I was given (different name - had the thread deleted) - I thought it was a one off & I could make it better.

It turns out I couldn't.

I don't even know why I'm telling you this - I can't tell anyone in RL - they all fucking love him & think he's the best thing that ever happened to me & I'm a strong, articulate & assertive woman.

Truth is, I'm a fucking horrible mess.

((((((((Justsofuckingsad)))))))))

Dear me. How inutterably awful he is.

Are you making plans to leave/get him out?

You poor poor love

What do you want to do? What do you think you should do?

I say kick the fucking cunt out but I know it might not be that easy.

Do you feel able to call Women's Aid for advice?

Oh my fucking god just

What are you going to do? You need to leave.

I remember your other thread as well - about locking you in the care. FFS. Please just get out.

omg - how dreadful for you and dd . you do know what you need to do ..... you will get support on here to get through this but you have to do the really had bit and make plans to get out superquick

Oh God. You poor, poor thing. Please phone Womens Aid and get out, or phone the police. Please please please love.

I don't know what to say, love.

You DO need to tell people in RL, & you need to get him away from you & DD.

Can you talk to your parents or siblings? Have you got any friends you can talk to. Ring Women's Aid, this is ABUSE.

You are worth more than this evil prick, get him out of your life.

Oh my, I am so sorry for your situation. You need to get legal advice and fast. Remember you are strong, articulate and assertive, now put those qualities to good use. You have to do something about this monster, for your sake and your DD. If you and your DD are not safe leave and stay in a hotel just get out. Go to the police you need to be protected.

What do you need right now OP?

I am - he works away - I'm asking him not to come back this weekend - I'm scared & so fucking sad for my children, this isn't the life I imagined for us all.

The horrible bastard. Don't be upset with yourself, it's not you who is wrong. He is the mess, away from him you will heal and feel strong again. He has eroded your trust in yourself, real life will believe you.

Am sorry it is so awful for you right now, it can be better.

You know you don't have an obligation to keep his secret for him? You can tell people in RL

Just - how are you now? What an awful ordeal to go through. You must still be in shock, be kind to yourself.

You need a plan though soon - WA might be useful to talk with about getting a stay safe plan in the short-term and perhaps an exit strategy asap.

Oh sweetheart... HE is a mess. A screwed up bastard of a mess. YOU would be fine if you were not afflicted with this bastard, and you will be fine again one day.

Please, if you can possibly summon up the strength, go to the police - for your daughter's sake if you don't want to do it for yourself?

He has shown his true colours now, you know he won't change and he doesn't want to. So you need to get away, or get him away; and the police can help you to do that safely.

No it's not the life you imagined but if you stay it will be a lot worse. Please keep him away from you and your DD/s

Are you safe at the moment OP?

That is utterly horrible. I am so very sorry this happened to you.

Call the police right now. You will need the police report later. Do you have a police report on the first incident?

Tell someone you trust, there will be someone who will help you get your head together. That's a terrible burden to carry alone. Wish we could do more...

You're not a fucking horrible mess- you're a loving and caring woman who has been subjected to physical, sexual, and emotional abuse for a considerable period of time.

You've made a start here and now you've got to be the strong and assertive woman your friends know you to be and begin articulating what he's done, and what he's doing, to you in real life.

Visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk and give the helpline a call tomorrow morning. Also visit www.womensaid.org to find your nearest branch; give them a call tomorrow too and start the process of getting your abuser out of your life before he causes you serious physical harm or worse.

If you're uwilling to do it for yourself - do it for your dd and any other dc you may have.

I can't tell you anything you don't already know op and I can't even begin to give you any advice but I just couldn't not post.

There will be plenty of people along shortly who really can help you I'm sure.

Just wanted to say I'm so so sorry for you, you deserve so much more.
You will be that "strong, articulate & assertive woman" again you really will.

Rape, beatings and humiliation - grounds to have him locked up.

Everyone will believe you, you know, when you go public about his abuse of you. Other people will have noticed something 'not right' about him. An awful lot of people are uneasy around abusive men, even when the men are superficially charming; they are not as clever as they think they are and the mask slips fairly frequently.
For now, speak to WA and the local police DV unit, they will help. it's what they are for. Best of luck in getting rid.

Wow, a zillion xposts!

See, this is what MN is truly about x

tears in my eyes for you OP. you poor woman. what a morally bankrupt bastard he is to do that to you, i just feel sick for you.

you are not a mess, HE is a fucking mess, doing something like that. you don't even do things like that to people you hate, let alone your spouse who you are supposed to love and protect

Please get out, just walk out now, anything is better than this!

I am safe now - he's 70 miles away & suffering the remorse at the moment - he won't come near me as long as he thinks there's a possibility I may stay - which I'm not going to.

My friend is calling me later - she knows something's wrong - she's much older & wiser than me.

I feel so fucking sad for my children - they adore him.

I was together this morning - he went off & I thought 'I can deal with this, it's fine' - it lasted about two hours until I felt I'd punched in my guts so hard I couldn't breath.

I feel, dead, angry & sad.

& turned inside out.