To think Dh is totally out of order?

[Geordieminx]

Wil try and be brief.

Trip to shopping centre yesterday lunch time. Dh who was been there as many times (dozens) as I have gets into wrong lane, starts stressing, I try and tell him (not very sympathetically) which lane, he gets cross, I apparently (not sure) spoke to him like crap.

Anyhoo, he tells me to fucking shut up, in front of ds (4). I tell him to apologise, he refuses. I get ds out of the car, and tell him to give me a ring once he has calmed down as ready to apologise for speaking to me like that. He tells me if I get out of the car he is going and I can make my own way home.

Thought he would calm down, things would be frosty but it would be ok. Only not. He didn't come back, rang him once, no answer.

So ds and I had to make our own way home. (didn't even have any house keys), bus then train then lift from friend, in the rain without any coats. We managed though.

He rocks home at 7.30, goes straight to bed and has made it clear he isn't speaking to me.

Argument aside I can't believe he just drove off and left us. Not quite sure what he expected us to do/get home/in. Thankfully my friend has a key.

Just seems like a total shit house thing to do, esp to a 4 year old who was totally aware of the situation and kept asking why daddy had left us, why he wouldn't come and get us

Did I deserve it?

He'd stop speaking to me

He went straight to spare room, to sleep, got up and went to work. No conversation.

Regardless of fault on your side, he has put himself firmly in the wrong by leaving you to make a convoluted journey home with a 4 year-old, without coats. (It was bloody freezing here yesterday.)

And by not speaking to you. Childish and pathetic.

Love the way looking after your DS defaults to you. Wanker.

I must admit to having read previous threads of yours and, while I can't remember exactly what the issues are, I do remember also thinking - wanker.

I know this sounds a bit dramatic, but you're so young - is this really what you want for your future?

So if he behaves like that it´s your fault & he stops speaking to you?

If you behaved like that he´d stop speaking to you?

If you do something "wrong", he stops speaking to you?

As a "punishment"?

In what world do husband´s punish wives?

Makes for a very quiet household

Seriously what are his good points?
Ignoring someone is so annoying I don't know how you deal with it. I'd have brained him by now. It's so immature.

Tbh I don't think ywbu - it sounds like you were trying to diffuse the situation and you were just being sworn at/shouted over.

I do however think he sounds like a prized prick. Geordie do you really, in your heart of hearts, want to carry on like this? Something has got to give.

In the long term I'd consider counselling in the first instance. However in the short term iiwy I'd not be very mature about it at all and ignore him completely and get put some of his stuff in the spare room. If he wants to act like a pathetic arse then you can let him.

Ok, not a grown up way of dealing with it but I think it would be better to make a fuss of/put your energy into keeping ds happy rather than wasting time with this man-child and his tantrums.

X posts - Geordie is he speaking to/ does he speak to ds?

Agree with others - who the fuck is he to punish you? You're his equal, not his goddamn property.

Yep, I'd definitely be shifting his stuff into the spare room and he could fucking stay there until I saw fit to allow him back into my bed

Im amazed that a grown woman is considered abandoned just because she hasnt a lift home from her husband keeper

How have I ever coped getting to and from shopping trips without one?

Amber, I assume (bad thing to do I now) that if you go out, as you leave the house you have a plan to get home. The OP thought she was coming home in a car with her DH and that one set of keys and no water proof clothes were needed.
If she had known she would have been making the journey without the car and DH she may have taken different things.
From her post it sounds as if she is capable of taking herself and son out alone. It's not about being a single mum or not, or beng reliant

She said she had money/credit card so getting home not a problem?

Lack of coat is that an insurmountable issue? ive done that before when ive been dropped off and ive just bought a cheap hoodie or something for whichever small child I had at the time!

Yep forgotten keys too, whoever is in or has a spare key would be contacted no big deal.

They both sound as bad as each other TBH im just surprised at hearing claims of abandonment.

I dont consider being out in sole charge of a child and shock horror no man to drive me home being abandoned.

Anyone who does is a bit pathetic IMO

Love the frothing buildup, we have got to abandonment and emotional manipulation, soon it will be EA at this rate - am awaiting the first "leave the bastard".

2:1 odds it comes before the 100th post?

Leave the bastard

It wasn't the end if the works Amber, we did manage, train/bus/mate borrowing car seat and picking us up later.

I'm grateful my mate with key was about, she is a police officer and works 12 hour shifts, if she had been at work then I would have no way of getting in, family 150 miles away.

Did your DH know you didn't have a key?

Because if he did then what the hell did he expect you to do with your DS til 7.30?! Now that is something I would call him on because that is seriously messed up!!

Ridiculous!

He's being a complete knobend OP. Is he somehow so special that no-one is ever allowed to critisise him without facing a completely disproportionate punishment?
Who the fuck does he think he is??

He owes you a humble and frank apology for his arrogant and outlandish behaviour. Make sure you get one.

After that, I think you might want to consider whether you have a future with a person that far up his own arsehole.

You are just as bad as each other, and tbh its your fault cos you got out the car in a huff. Did you expect him to beg you to get back in?? You told him to drive off and he did - that's your own fault. Agree its not really "abandonment", could have bought ds a cheap coat if that was a major problem, and use public transport to get home, as you did. Does not sound nice for your poor ds though, but the whole thing could have been easily avoided by you not being so picky with dh and then issuing ultimatums and threats with you getting out the car and all of that - both need to grow up!

Firawla

I take it you are quite happy to sit there all serene and uncomplaining, while your dh tells you to "fucking shut up" in front of your kids then?

I'm not. I'm one of those difficult women that expects to be treated with manners and respect.

It's not about being abandoned or unable to get home, buy coats, whatever.

It's about the fact that she could perfectly easily have driven herself home in her own car, had her husband not buggered off in it. It was about his not caring that they had no coats and would freeze or have to waste money on buying coats totally unnecessarily.

It was her punishment and seen as ok as she 'deserved' it for being snippy, that's the problem. I would never do that to someone I was supposed to be in a relationship with. I would never do that to an acquaintance in fact.

You're missing the point in focussing on this faux feminist, not being abandoned nonsense tbh.

I can not believe some of the reactions on here.

I mean I drive with 3 children squabbling in the car whilst reversing down narrow country lanes - pretty stressful but I don't swear at them. I hate people who get so angry whilst driving - its horrid.

Geordie - I think this is symptomatic of other stuff that's wrong in your relationship from what you've said hence his over-reaction.

I wouldn't apologise but I'd tell him we needed to discuss what happened and if he won't - well, there's some bigger things you need to think about.

Good luck

Wow! I can't believe you are getting such a hard time OP.

So he had Saturday to watch football, Sunday morning lie-in and then whatever he wants in the afternoon after he's got rid of you both. He was really selfish dumping you both there and driving off in your car and I think you should be able to point out a mistake without being sworn at and ignored for hours/days.

Amber perhaps you don't actually get the point - the op was expecting to travel back in her own car. Therefore she did not plan on having to travel a significant distance, in the rain, with her 4yo ds. This is not a post about relying on men, nor is it a post about the benefits of being prepared for such events in advance. The op could not have foreseen this - if she had do you think she would have left the house without being adequately prepared for her dh behaving like a tosser? Amber I feel yoAmber y

Yes he knew I didn't have keys, he had both sets in the car (always take 2 sets out)

Again. I didn't tell him to drive off... If I had then I kinda would have deserved it, I would have taken coats and keys. I asked him to calm down and then give me a ring, and we could meet and go for lunch.

Not quite sure what he expected me to do to be honest, fone incessantly and beg him to come and get us? He ignored me once. Camp out at neighbours until he came home? Tbh I didn't even know if he was coming home