To think Dh is totally out of order?

[Geordieminx]

Wil try and be brief.

Trip to shopping centre yesterday lunch time. Dh who was been there as many times (dozens) as I have gets into wrong lane, starts stressing, I try and tell him (not very sympathetically) which lane, he gets cross, I apparently (not sure) spoke to him like crap.

Anyhoo, he tells me to fucking shut up, in front of ds (4). I tell him to apologise, he refuses. I get ds out of the car, and tell him to give me a ring once he has calmed down as ready to apologise for speaking to me like that. He tells me if I get out of the car he is going and I can make my own way home.

Thought he would calm down, things would be frosty but it would be ok. Only not. He didn't come back, rang him once, no answer.

So ds and I had to make our own way home. (didn't even have any house keys), bus then train then lift from friend, in the rain without any coats. We managed though.

He rocks home at 7.30, goes straight to bed and has made it clear he isn't speaking to me.

Argument aside I can't believe he just drove off and left us. Not quite sure what he expected us to do/get home/in. Thankfully my friend has a key.

Just seems like a total shit house thing to do, esp to a 4 year old who was totally aware of the situation and kept asking why daddy had left us, why he wouldn't come and get us

Did I deserve it?

PS can't do emoticons!

We haven't told ds yet, it's his birthday next week, so thought it best if we intended to go on holiday together to wait until after birthday/holiday to tell him rather than confuse him with "daddy is leaving but we will be going on holiday"

Probably doesnt make much sense.

Why are you going away on hols with him???
TBH even if you've paid everything and you can't have your money back, it isn't worth it!

What about you go away and he finds somewhere else to stay?
Or he goes with his dc and you get a week of peace and quite to get organized

Kinda because it's paid for, and ds is so excited about it, and I am wimp when it comes to letting him down.

We have a suite booked so separate bedrooms, and can kinda get on ok for a week for ds, it'll be the last family holiday so that's that.

It should be fine. Since we actually "split" there has been no fighting or unpleasantness really, we've kinda just got on with it and done our own thing.

I sound weak and spineless and feeble don't I?

No you don't. You have been worn down by this and putting an end to it takes a massive effort, so your emotional batteries are pretty low on power. You are trogging on one day at a time and trying to be positive about things every day because he's still in your life even though he isn't, and your expectations of him are nil so you are not being badly let down all the time. You are still in Limbo though, neither together nor apart, and this will cause you some struggle every day, albeit subconsciously, further depleting your batteries.

Your son has been desperately looking forward to this holiday. You desperately need one. A holiday has been booked and paid for and is almost touchable it's so close. YOu are exhausted. How can you say no to it, under those circumstances? And if the only way to get it is to take the old dh along too, well, he's been behaving a bit better, so you'll make the best of it.

I think you're too knackered and emotionally battered to have a fight about it, and you need to get away, and you need a change of scene, and you need to give this to your son too.

What I am concerned about is how h may behave while you're there, and how he might treat you both. But no, I don't think you're spineless.

NO ONE thinks you're weak & spineless Geordie. I can understand why you are carrying on with your plans & Jux is spot on with what she says but I think you should insist ex has somewhere to go on your return so the months don't pass & you're still in limbo living a half life. I hope you do get some rest & recuperation in hols.

No, he is moving out as soon as we get back.

Tbh how he behaves on holiday doesn't matter to me anymore. As long as ds is happy then I will happy, that's the only way he can hurt me now.

It probably won't be any different to the other holidays we've had sadly.

Thanks for all the kind words though, it's keeping me sane. I am getting stronger, I promise.

You are doing such a great job putting your DS first Geordie. Have a wonderful holiday with him! Ex can merge into the background as usual!

Excellent. Roll on Egypt! (where are you going? I am so envious!).

How are you doing Geordie?

Hiya.

I'm ok. We have kinda sorted most stuff out, just need to get it drawn up by a solicitor. He has actually been really reasonable, agreed to a lot, and hasn't tried to stitch me up. Once everything is agreed then will start divorce. You know since we "split" we haven't had a single row? Couple of strops (both sides) but not a raised voice or argument.. Esp not in front of ds.

His aunt died suddenly last night, we are both totally gutted, and have kinda pulled together today, he thanked me for supporting him which was nice.

So, all in all everything is fine. Da's birthday this week so preps for that, then hols in 2 weeks, with him moving out soon after.

Funny how it goes, isn't it?

Hope the calm continues.

Glad to hear things are going well love

Glad to know you are ok. Hope it stays calm for you.