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Original poster

To think Dh is totally out of order?

564 replies

Geordieminx · 05/03/2012 08:03

Wil try and be brief.

Trip to shopping centre yesterday lunch time. Dh who was been there as many times (dozens) as I have gets into wrong lane, starts stressing, I try and tell him (not very sympathetically) which lane, he gets cross, I apparently (not sure) spoke to him like crap.

Anyhoo, he tells me to fucking shut up, in front of ds (4). I tell him to apologise, he refuses. I get ds out of the car, and tell him to give me a ring once he has calmed down as ready to apologise for speaking to me like that. He tells me if I get out of the car he is going and I can make my own way home.

Thought he would calm down, things would be frosty but it would be ok. Only not. He didn't come back, rang him once, no answer.

So ds and I had to make our own way home. (didn't even have any house keys), bus then train then lift from friend, in the rain without any coats. We managed though.

He rocks home at 7.30, goes straight to bed and has made it clear he isn't speaking to me.

Argument aside I can't believe he just drove off and left us. Not quite sure what he expected us to do/get home/in. Thankfully my friend has a key.

Just seems like a total shit house thing to do, esp to a 4 year old who was totally aware of the situation and kept asking why daddy had left us, why he wouldn't come and get us Sad

Did I deserve it?

OP posts:
Jux · 12/04/2012 10:03

I agree with Agatha. I think he is lulling you into a false sense of security. Please get a solicitor.

EmmaCate · 13/04/2012 03:41

Is there anything underlying? Dunno... 44 is quite old to be a new Dad (and before I am flamed that's men in their 40s who've commented to me that they wish they'd had their kids earlier); OK now 4 years on it's not going to be PND but he may have the 50th on his mind and be feeling a bit lacking in the parenting stakes. Especially if you are doing all the things you mention to give him a break.

Perhaps if you made out with your tone that he was being a fuckwit who should know better and he had anything age related on his mind it would generate more of this extreme reaction.

YANBU though... but perhaps try to have a calm chat with him to sound out if he is a bit mid-lifey. I am theorising wildly here; please ignore of course if none of it works for your DH. I also know 50yo Dads of toddlers who love it love it!

EmmaCate · 13/04/2012 03:44

Oh darn... did not read for long enough to see all the other shite referred to by last few posters.

midwife99 · 13/04/2012 09:04

How are you now Geordie? How is DS? Have you had any legal advice yet? In my opinion Mr Geordie's problems are nothing to do with age!!

QuintessentialShadows · 13/04/2012 09:12

oh Geordie, dont accept the "Adultery". It is not true, and he cant prove it. (Unless it is? - if so, he needs to divorce you within 6 months of adultery taking place in order to cite adultery, I think)

But you seem cool and collected. You seem surprised that he is reasonable. What if he isnt? What if he is calculating and you are in for a nasty surprise that you were not prepared for? I think you need to get legal advice pronto.

Panamama · 13/04/2012 09:26

I've skimread the last few pages Geordi but don't let him divorce you for adultery, he may want that on the documents so he can show your DS one day that you were "unfaithful" and spin him a line about it all being your fault, and have everyone else believing and repeating it because it's on the forms.

carernotasaint · 13/04/2012 16:08

He would have a bloody cheek to divorce Geordie for adultery when he has been refusing her sex and affection for years. Maybe it wasnt his fault that he couldnt perform in the bedroom but it was his fault that he wouldnt go to the doctor and do something about it.
I think he will do ANYTHING to try and cover up this truth.
He neglected you Geordie. And he will try and absolve himself of this responsibility.

midwife99 · 13/04/2012 16:23

Here here carer!

QuintessentialShadows · 13/04/2012 23:02

You can actually contest his petition on ground of adultery, and counter claim for "Unreasonable Behaviur", I should think.

carernotasaint · 13/04/2012 23:06

Or neglect.

Original poster
Geordieminx · 13/04/2012 23:07

There's no adultery, and he knows it. It was just him being all hurt and lashing our.

Things continue to be calm, no great plans or stress. We are pleasant to each other, i'm just pottering on doing my thing.

OP posts:
midwife99 · 14/04/2012 09:31

Long may it continue! 6 months after my abusive ex filed for divorce for unreasonable behaviour (all lies but ha ha - I didn't contest it!!) he tried to change it to adultery when I started dating. These men really are laughable aren't they?!!

mrstiredandconfused · 17/04/2012 10:38

Sorry, this isn't going to be helpful:

He was all hurt and lashing out?!! Wtaf! What the bloody bollocks has HE got to be hurt about? He's the one who has treated you like shit, has acted like a moody teenager rather than a responsible father and then threatened to lie on the divorce petition. Diddums- he was hurt- aw bless.....what the hell does he think you have felt through all this? Elated? Happy? Thrilled that his behaviour and neglect has caused all this? What an utter bastard.

Rant over!

How are you doing?

Original poster
Geordieminx · 17/04/2012 11:49

I'm ok. Good days and bad ones. Am
Trying to be positive, but I know I'm kidding myself if I think this is going to be easy.

Am doing well sorting all my shizzle out, you would be proud Grin

OP posts:
Jux · 17/04/2012 11:59

Well done, Geordie. You're getting closer to freedom every day.

mrstiredandconfused · 17/04/2012 13:34

Geordie it isn't going to be easy, but what you've gone through hasn't been easy either. I get the impression that you actually underestimate how strong you are, and the fact that you originally posted in aibu suggests to me that you've been somewhat brainwashed into thinking that what you have put up with is, on some level, acceptable. You're a very brave lass and you put your ds's interests first. You deserve a huge amount of credit - somehow you need to resign yourself to the fact that you do indeed deserve it.

midwife99 · 17/04/2012 15:02

I agree - you've been so strong & brave Smile

Original poster
Geordieminx · 19/04/2012 10:06

Hey ladies.

Still here, tootling on in the background. Had an appointment to see mortgage advisor yesterday which was er... Interesting? Wink

Sent him a huge long list of everything that we need to discuss/agree on in relation to split... Ds stuff, house, money logistics etc, but he hasn't exactly been forthcoming. More of an "ok then" Hmm

Part from that nothing else. Feeling stronger, maturer, more sensible and "together" than I have in ages.

OP posts:
midwife99 · 19/04/2012 10:55

That all sounds very positive - you are taking control of the situation which is fantastic!! Smile

Jux · 19/04/2012 11:02

He's losing his power and so doesn't know how to respond, so he simply doesn't. My guess. When someone's used to calling all the shots, especially when they fail to take anyone but themselves into account, they find themselves in Limbo, totally confused, when the power balance shifts.

Don't let that make you feel sorry for him though. It might turn him into more of a human being, given time, so don't backtrack.

Original poster
Geordieminx · 25/04/2012 09:02

He has said that he doesn't want to wait for 2 years for a divorce, and would prefer to get it sorted ASAP... Presume on grounds of his unreasonable behaviour. Am suspicious of what he is up to... Laptop and phone are suddenly pin protected... Few other things Hmm

Apart from that all quiet. We are still going on holiday together in 3 weeks... Should be er.. Interesting? Will probably end up in an Egyptian prison for attacking him with the remote control Wink

OP posts:
TheHappyHissy · 25/04/2012 10:02

He's accused YOU of adultery, he wants to get divorced FAST, and the laptop and phone are now PIN protected.

Oh YES he's up to something alright. Or someone.

Go on the holiday, but without him.

TheHappyHissy · 25/04/2012 10:05

I used to live in Egypt.

Apparently the VAST majority of the women in prison there are there for killing their husbands.

IME TOTALLY understandable.

Wink
Original poster
Geordieminx · 25/04/2012 10:39

The adultery thing has never been mentioned again. Hmm

Tbh if he's "up" to something then good luck to him Wink

Its all cool, am calm and collected and focusing on ds and the rest of my life.

OP posts:
midwife99 · 25/04/2012 14:45

Good but why is he still living with you??!!! [frown]