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Original poster

To think Dh is totally out of order?

564 replies

Geordieminx · 05/03/2012 08:03

Wil try and be brief.

Trip to shopping centre yesterday lunch time. Dh who was been there as many times (dozens) as I have gets into wrong lane, starts stressing, I try and tell him (not very sympathetically) which lane, he gets cross, I apparently (not sure) spoke to him like crap.

Anyhoo, he tells me to fucking shut up, in front of ds (4). I tell him to apologise, he refuses. I get ds out of the car, and tell him to give me a ring once he has calmed down as ready to apologise for speaking to me like that. He tells me if I get out of the car he is going and I can make my own way home.

Thought he would calm down, things would be frosty but it would be ok. Only not. He didn't come back, rang him once, no answer.

So ds and I had to make our own way home. (didn't even have any house keys), bus then train then lift from friend, in the rain without any coats. We managed though.

He rocks home at 7.30, goes straight to bed and has made it clear he isn't speaking to me.

Argument aside I can't believe he just drove off and left us. Not quite sure what he expected us to do/get home/in. Thankfully my friend has a key.

Just seems like a total shit house thing to do, esp to a 4 year old who was totally aware of the situation and kept asking why daddy had left us, why he wouldn't come and get us Sad

Did I deserve it?

OP posts:
fluffiphlox · 05/03/2012 08:36

Who said anything about him hitting her? Of course that's not acceptable but he didn't.

noinspiration · 05/03/2012 08:38

Well actually I think you deserved it. Doing that snippy back seat driver routine when someone is already stressed is a recipe for disaster, I'm not surprised he snapped at you. It was you who got out of the car and walked off. He asked you not to - he obviously wanted to sort things out. If you'd walked away from me in the middle of an argument, with a patronising 'call me when you've calmed down' comment, I'd have left you too.

I bet if the OP had been written the other way round, with the wife leaving a passive aggressive patronising husband, everyone would have rallied round saying it was perfectly reasonable.

CalmaLlamaDown · 05/03/2012 08:39

Op, have you never panicked and ended up in the wrong lane whilst driving in a busy area then? What's so wrong helping him out with a bit of navigation when you are the passenger? Although he BU to upset your DS.

QueenSconetta · 05/03/2012 08:40

Fluffi, to me leaving her is comparable.

It would not have been ok for him to have given her slap for 'being cheeky' (which he didn't) so I don't agree that it was really her own fault she was abandoned because she 'challenged first'.

It was an analogy.

Original poster
Geordieminx · 05/03/2012 08:40

Not really a favour, more a treat for me as I has taken ds out on sat afternoon so he could watch football in peace and swimming at 8.30 Ob sun so he could have a lie in.

OP posts:
fluffiphlox · 05/03/2012 08:44

It's analogous in as much as their child has to witness this combative behaviour. It's him I feel sorry for in all of this. Horrible thing to be watch as a kid

SchrodingersMew · 05/03/2012 08:44

I have never said this before and normally hate it when people do but...

Leave the bastard! Yes, you might have deserved it but doing that to a 4yo!? WTF!

fluffiphlox · 05/03/2012 08:45

Typing gone to pot ^ sorry

QueenSconetta · 05/03/2012 08:47

On that point we agree Fluffi.

Heswall · 05/03/2012 08:48

I would not put upi with that, what an absolute idiot.

So many men seem to be utterly childish theses days what's wrong with them ?

QueenSconetta · 05/03/2012 08:48

Re DS that is, not typing.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDawn · 05/03/2012 08:50

Were you coming round the back of the Metro Centre to try and head for the multi-storey by any chance Geordie ? As soon as I read your OP I had a vision, every.single.time we go there, DH gets in the wrong lane in that awkward bit round the back with those stupid traffic lights and godawful awkward junction. I can't drive, but I remember which lane it is, and we have the exact fight you had, every time :( Eventually I learned to keep quiet, let him go the wrong way, and we go round again until he gets the right lane while I bite my tongue and say Not One Word.
There's something about that bit of road that brings out the worst in people. That said, he was a complete and utter arse to just abandon you with a small child and no coats like that!

lambethlil · 05/03/2012 08:50

Unless there's a real and serious danger I never critique the driver. It's just not worth it- I'm the passenger, why should I drive withiout the controls?

I find DH drives really jerkily, so I drive myself or shut up.

bagelmonkey · 05/03/2012 08:52

Maybe you deserved it, but your DS definitely did not.

Original poster
Geordieminx · 05/03/2012 08:53

Pom no, we live in Glasgow Grin

OP posts:
puchai · 05/03/2012 08:53

Out of interest, why did you speak to him like a piece of shit and then hit him with the call centre "don't raise your voice to me" passive aggressive nonsense? Do you usually treat him like that?

QueenSconetta · 05/03/2012 08:55

Was it Braehead? I hate the roads round there and will not drive there!

diddl · 05/03/2012 08:58

I think that you were both wrong.

If he knew which lane-why bother to tell him?

Generally, my husband prefers to drive without inane chit chat from me.

He will put up with it if it´s an easy/familiar drive.

But if I say something & there´s no answer, I know to keep quiet as he´s concentrating.

And if he takes a wrong turn & stresses, best thing is to keep quiet & let him sort it out.

But he´d never speak to me like that.

But leaving you both-horrible thing to do.

lilbitneurotic · 05/03/2012 09:01

Ahh Silverburn is a mare.

CalmaLlamaDown · 05/03/2012 09:03

Next time go for your shopping treat alone and leave DS and DH at home. Might be more relaxed all round? My 4 yo DS would not be too impressed at having to spend sunday afternoon in a shopping centre!

NettoSuperstar · 05/03/2012 09:05

I've been to Braehead once and got lost. I ended up in the goods entrance of Sainsbury'sBlush

Your DH was an arse Geordie. Not OK to leave 4yr old stranded, or you for that matter.

Original poster
Geordieminx · 05/03/2012 09:06

It's was more lunch/ice cream trip to Apple store and ELC which ds loves, certainly not a mammoth shopping spree

OP posts:
lambethlil · 05/03/2012 09:06

But the leaving you was inexcusable -don't put yourself in the position again.
Shopping on a Sunday Afternoon with a toddler? Hmm

CurrerBell · 05/03/2012 09:08

Actually I am really shocked by this. He told you to 'fucking shut up' in front of your ds?! He then abandoned you and your ds 20 miles away from home... Then he is the one expecting an apology?! My DH can be an arse when driving - he has said some really nasty things when he's stressed. Still, he would never, ever swear at me like that in front of the dcs... much less the other stuff. And he would always apologise once he'd calmed down. I am so shocked at the posts saying you deserved it! This is abusive! Your poor DS must have been so confused.

Original poster
Geordieminx · 05/03/2012 09:09

Was Braehead.

I shouldn't have had a go, I know this. I just think there is very few things that warrant/deserve being left miles from home with a 4 year old. It's shocked me a bit?

OP posts: