To think Dh is totally out of order?

[Geordieminx]

Wil try and be brief.

Trip to shopping centre yesterday lunch time. Dh who was been there as many times (dozens) as I have gets into wrong lane, starts stressing, I try and tell him (not very sympathetically) which lane, he gets cross, I apparently (not sure) spoke to him like crap.

Anyhoo, he tells me to fucking shut up, in front of ds (4). I tell him to apologise, he refuses. I get ds out of the car, and tell him to give me a ring once he has calmed down as ready to apologise for speaking to me like that. He tells me if I get out of the car he is going and I can make my own way home.

Thought he would calm down, things would be frosty but it would be ok. Only not. He didn't come back, rang him once, no answer.

So ds and I had to make our own way home. (didn't even have any house keys), bus then train then lift from friend, in the rain without any coats. We managed though.

He rocks home at 7.30, goes straight to bed and has made it clear he isn't speaking to me.

Argument aside I can't believe he just drove off and left us. Not quite sure what he expected us to do/get home/in. Thankfully my friend has a key.

Just seems like a total shit house thing to do, esp to a 4 year old who was totally aware of the situation and kept asking why daddy had left us, why he wouldn't come and get us

Did I deserve it?

Are you ok? was it a decent red? has you H apologised yet?

Hey hey.

It was a very good red.

He bought me a new iPad (already have one) for mothers day... Whopppdee doo eh? Makes everything better. He's doesn't get that I don't want material stuff... Just a decent husband.

Feel free to send me the iPad and I will help coach you into having the life you deserve in return

Hoping to resurrect this, so that some of you lovely ladies will come back and hand hold?

It's over. Now what? I am very calm, quite relaxed about it, but I don't know what happens now.

We have a house, with a mortgage that I can't afford to pay on my own. I work full time, we have 1 ds who starts school in August. Holidays booked, all sorts. Bit messy

Any help/advice/hugs would be welcome

Hi - I've read whole thread. Well done for taking this huge step. Where is he then, are you in the home? When did you separate, how did he take it? I hope you are ok. You will get through this and life will be better x

I would suggest going to talk to a CAB debt adviser, and make sure you are claiming everything you can.
Congratulations on getting rid of him.

No Practical advice, but here's a hug .

Will post later when I'm home.

Have you told him its over or have you just decided?

How are you Geordie? Things have been so shit so long. Do you have the strength to leave yet? The money & practical side of things can be sorted be assured. You'll be amazed what a difference tax credits & a reduction in council tax plus maintenance make. Your mortgage can be adjusted (interest only for a while) until decisions are made. It's just so hard to take that step but if you need any support please ask.

(((((hugs)))) and

What happened love?

Geordie you are so strong and of course that is admirable, but please remember to take care of yourself too

Hi Geordie,

I think you have been quite ill treated by a fair few posters on this thread. You seem like a very decent person and have done your utmost to hang on to your family despite your husbands's intransigence.

Practically, your first priority now should be your son and all other decisions follow that. Can you agree on who will be the resident parent and how much contact the other will have? If so, the financial decisions should be predicated on that. I.E the resident parent should remain in the house and the n.r should move out as soon as practically possible. If you cannot agree about who will be the resident parent and contact, you really need to see a solicitor as soon as possible. I believe that there are solicitor's who favour mediation before courts and I think that is a line that should be tried.

In any event, you will probably need to see a solicitor at some point as there sound like there are meaningful assets and income to be discussed. You should probably inform your mortgage provider that you are splitting up and ask what the procedure is for this.

Best of luck to you.

Mortgage - if you're going to look after Ds most of the time (D)H will have to contribute so you might be able to stay in the house. Do you want to?

Holidays - what's the cancellation situation? Can you get some of your money back? If not, would you be prepared to go on your own with DS and would (D)H agree to this? I've been abandonned on holiday with DS (very different situation, granted) at about the same age and DS and I did manage to have a good holiday together without DH.

I would go and see CAB as a first step - and you get a free 30mins with a solicitor I think to start the ball rolling but you might want to check round for the right solicitor. - CAB might be able to give you a list.

Hi Geordie sending you hugs and support. Things may seem a bit scary at the mo but he was treating you abysmally. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. I will be back on later.

((((((((HUGS))))))))))

We are both staying in the house just now, separate rooms. It's fine for the time being, and now we have taken the step to separation I think we will muddle along ok in our own worlds, communicating where necessary, just doing our own thing, although I accept I might be very naive in this.

I would love to stay in the house, not sure how practical that will be though. Can I sort out tax credits and such like while he is still living here?

Holiday probably can't be cancelled as we are going away in the middle of May. We might still be able to go together, we'll see. I don't hate him, there has been no massive show down, it's just the realisation that he doesn't make me happy, and that I can't go on like this hoping that one day he will change. He is 48, he isn't going to change, it'll only get worse.

I know it's gonna be hard but hopefully by christmas (and my 30th) I will be stronger and happier and will be in a better place.

Yes Geordie - if you are separated but still living in the same house you can still phone tax credits helpline & tell them you are a single parent backdated to when you decided to separate. You'll then get a new calculation for the last few days of this financial year & a new one for next year inc any current childcare costs. If you have never claimed you'll have to start a new claim. Then you can start to work out your income. You H is liable for 15% of his income for child maintenance through CSA although you may get a better deal as a divorce settlement. Legal advice is a must to protect yourself. You can't get the 25% off the council tax until he leaves. Don't let the situation linger on though. It may seem ok to live in the same house now but judging by his previous behaviour he'll soon start being unpleasant.

Will contact tax credit people on Tuesday then, never claimed anything before so I might aswell.

Feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Geordie this is going to sound so self indulgent - we're the same age . You sound so much more sensible than me, and much stronger. We have both got so much life ahead of us and you really don't deserve to stay with this twat a second longer.

Are you really ok with being in the same house? If not is there any way you could persuade him to leave? It sounds like you might actually be better off finding somewhere for you and ds ASAP.

(sorry if this has been covered- currently tipsy )

I'm ok with him being here for now, we have had seperate lives for such a long time it's not going to make much difference.

I just want more to life than walking on egg shells and longing for attention from a man that doesn't even want to touch me

Will he start getting nasty when he realises you mean it?

He wants it too, so at least we are on the same page.

Geordie he doesnt want a wife. He wants a housekeeper. Why should you continue to be used? You are worth so much more than someone who doesnt care about your needs. So glad you are standing up for yourself. xxx

Just think - in a few months - when he has crawled into a hole to fester - you'll be free & out there & being adored by gorgeous men on YOUR OWN TERMS!! No more moods, no more starvation of love & sex & no more being treated like crap in front of your DS!

I know, and thats what I am focussing on. I've got the rest of my life, it's gonna be different but hopefully better

I know it's hard though & don't mean to be flippant. You will be sad & feel lonely but I really think the future will eventually be much better for you & your DS.