Help i have no idea how to deal with this... Regarding dp beyond drunk, A bit gross

[Close2breaking]

Im so upset right now its beyond belief.

Bit of background, Me and Dp have been having 'chats' now over the last couple of weeks about how im getting seriously pee'd of with things around the house. Things like clean clothes and washing being dumped on the floor, shoes coats etc being dumped anywhere, stuff not being put back where it belongs. Im masssively pregnant and have pgp so ive explained things are getting much harder and more painful for me to do. He agrees yes ok fair point he will be more aware to try not to make more work for me to do then needed

Tonight. He goes out 'for a few' with friend we shall call X instead of me and him going for a meal. Thats fine in itself but i no when X and him are together it tends to turn into a few hundred drinks. Left me sat up waiting as he wouldnt be late. He left at 6 maybe and has just strolled through up to bed. Saw him getting out of the taxi walking rather strange so i think wonderful his drunk.

He gets in bed and i think wow he stinks of alcohol and well... crap. Say have you trumped? No. ok awesome walk down stairs to get a drink this smell is horrific. I find his tshirt on the conservatory floor with shit smears all over it. His jeans full of crap in the washer. Have a cry and go upstairs to get him out of bed. Stands up obviously hasnt been bothered to wash or even wipe theres now crap all over half the bed and some on myself. Im mentally breaking down at this point. His obviously sat on the sofa too as it stinks. Send him for a bath which he apparently has had and cleaned himself and i then find 'it' all over some towels. the downstairs toilet looks like both ends have exploaded and stinks beyond anything ive ever known.

Ive tried to get anything out of him like WTF has happened, why didnt he do anything about it, where the hell his boxers are, why the hell did he get in bed next to me like that. apparently he didnt know. which is bollox because if he hadnt known he would have got undressed upstairs and he wouldnt have put his jeans in the wash.

I dont know what i ever expect anyone to say but obviously i dont feel i can rant about this in RL so even if no one says anything its off my chest a little :) . Seriously where do i take it from here? What am i suppose to say to him.

And no i am not the poo troll unfortunatly this is what my sat night has become and i have name changed

I've got two children, two dogs, have nursed a very ill grandmother and am rather used to dealing with late piles of excrement.

But I'd still expect a capable adult to be able to go out for a few drinks without shitting himself.

And there's no way I'd be cleaning it up, sorry! Nor would I expect my husband to do it for me if I had wilfully got into such a state.

Leave him to it, op, you're pregnant and don't need the hassle, he's been an idiot and deserves to wake up and deal with the consequences. Talk to him to tomorrow when he's sorted himself out.

"And there's nothing you can do about it because you're pregnant with his baby and can't make judgements about the sort of person who would do such a thing."

You can and should be making those judgments.

Don't leave for the day, leave for somewhere not filthy and smeared in human shit.

And stay there until this loser gets help for his problem.

Or forever.

Imagine kissing someone who covered you in his shit while you were in bed (pregnant)?

How could you look at such a disgusting specimen with anything other than contempt again?

The thought of a newborn baby in a house with a grown man who smears his excrement all over the place is horrifying.

Agree HelltotheNo.

Small point though, animals generally don't drag shit around the house.

You need to re-evaluate this relationship OP, now while your kids are young. I suggest you take a break.

So he's threatening to spend the night with his ex as punishment if you don't just accept him shitting all over your house?

Wow, what a prince among men.

Seriously, let him go.

xposts. yes my brother and his girlfreind are coming to get me later today and were going up to see parents and watch his partners childs football game and then to see granny. give me chance to say thankyou she has knitted me the most beautiful little cardigan imaginable.

he would probably go a touch funny to see ive wrote on here about the situation as it came up in convo a moment ago how he doesnt share his problems with other people he just waits and tells me. But what was i suppose to do. i couldnt talk it out with him at the time and i was so upset. at least no one knows me here so surely that would be better.

i guess its made me feel a bit bad that im talking about it here but i honestly have no other option its hardly like something ill drop in a conversation with a friend over a coffee.

Id kick him out and throw his shitty stuff after him. I cannot understand how anyone can treat someone else let alone their DP with such disresepect. I couldnt be with someone who disreards my feelings and thinks behaviour like this is ok.

Sorry x post!

Was reading this on my phone last night, wrote the post but didn't send it.

I don't know what to say today OP, he's trying to play with your feelings by threatening to stay with his ex. He sounds very childish and I honestly wouldn't care where he stays at this point.

I would let him go too. I too am surprised at the level of tolerance for this sort of thing. If you allow it you will end up hating yourself rather than him

It does sound to me that, OK, maybe subconsciously, there is an element of aggression in this shitfest. Especially with the way he has been behaving previously - making extra work for you, not giving you additional help even though you are PG - and now you mention that he spends money freely on himself and keeps you short. This man is putting you in your place and wants to make sure that you understand he is your priority, not your baby and certainly not your own needs.

As someone who has dealt with (my elderly mother) adult incontinence I can honestly say it is nothing like cleaning up after a baby (and I have twins). Or a pet.

Close I really feel for you. I don't know the situation but I would be looking at what I, the heavily pregnant one, needed and not at what adult, should be able to take care of himself and you, dp requires.

You're going to have one baby, you don't need a full size other one.

I speak as someone who had a selfish (now ex) h and who put up with a lot (though not drunken crap) because I thought I had to. I'm not saying leave him but he needs to grow up double fast.

As someone who has dealt with (my elderly mother) adult incontinence I can honestly say it is nothing like cleaning up after a baby (and I have twins). Or a pet.

Close I really feel for you. I don't know the situation but I would be looking at what I, the heavily pregnant one, needed and not at what adult, should be able to take care of himself and you, dp requires.

You're going to have one baby, you don't need a full size other one.

I speak as someone who had a selfish (now ex) h and who put up with a lot (though not drunken crap) because I thought I had to. I'm not saying leave him but he needs to grow up double fast.

sorry i dont actually have any children with him or anyone actually atm except the one im just finishing cooking :)

no his not threatening it he just said that thats what he would, do very casually like me telling you ive brushed my teeth. i didnt say anything to start with then i asked him if he had considered how it may make me feel by him stopping there. im not sure whether he actually will stop there after ive told him how it would make me feel but he says he is sure he doesnt want to go and stop with his parents

i really want our relationship to work but right now it feels like it falling at my feet. i am by no means perfect and im perfectly sure i do things that drive him batty but i can hand on heart say ive never brought any rubbish like this into our relationship. his problems are likely to be on par with leaving hair straightners downstairs just day to day niggles

Agree with sgb this is a statement of hid general respect for you. I think if he had immediately got up and been apologetic and cleaned it up etc that would have shown another side but this is not good.

So he is saying he will stay at his exs rather than his parents? He's trying to make you say no stay here then.

He doesn't seem very sorry, he should be mortified.

I actually agree a little with solidgold it foes sound like there's an element of point proving going on. He Is showing you basically that you need him right now and therefor ge can do what he likes as he knows you can't jet tell him to leave. I really hope we are wrong and that he isn't going to start acting like him doing the odd little thing with the baby or around the house is doing you some kind of favor and that he just goes out with who he wants when he wants just because he can. You can't let this go op or it's giving him a green light to do exactly what he wants and you are going to be raising this baby virtually alone only with another spoilt grown up child to run round after too. I wish you luck hope I'm wrong!!! :)

Solidgoldbrass its not that he leaves me short as such just says he needs jeans when i ask if he wants anything if im going out shopping.

I could go and spend x amount on what ever clothes i fancy. its just i think id rather make do with what i have then spend a silly amount on clothes that arent going to fit me (hopefully) for too much longer. so maybe im painting him in a bad light there it is my own choice. just for me, things for the baby come before a nice pair of jeans or handbag for myself. i guess its maybe his lack of gratitidue thats bugging

Please don't put up with this OP. He should be up and cleaning and begging your forgiveness, not giving you this passive aggressive, I'll stay at my ex's attitude.

Just leave the house now, please, just leave him to clean it all up and don't come back until your house is clean.

Right now it's the only thing you can do that will hopefully help to make him understand what he has done.

Staying at his exs whilst you continue to live in a shit covered house does not seem like much of a wake up call to me.

Go out on a shopping spree, why do you let yourself wear years old primark if your household can afford to buy 3 new pairs of jeans for him?

he IS a shit.
at least he's showing you that very clearly.
I think you need to think about what's best for you right now.
It will be instructive to see what he does.... whether he does clear up after himself / goes to stay with his ex (wtf?) / apologises or not etc etc.
I think you will learn a lot about what you can expect from him in the months / years to come.
why did he split from his ex? how old was his son when they separated?

I think you're handling it extremely well. Stick to your guns. Tell him that you're going out and you expect it ALL to be cleaned up properly before you return and that he accepts the need to have an adult conversation about his behaviour with you afterwards.

...and DON'T buy him any more jeans!

yeah i have said if things get back to normal i will never ever have him come back home after he has been drinking. whether that be a 1 oclock pint or a 'few' later on. for him in the future to say yes to go out with someone that is him saying he will also be sleeping at their house. be it this be 3 weeks or 3 years down the line

no i wont. i wont be buying him anything. infact i think after seeing granny i may get a train over to meadowhall. not that ill be able to walk around for hours browsing like i usually would. my legs dont seem to want to work for more then half hour at a time but i can have a rather tasty baskin and robbins and some nice tea.

'he IS a shit.
at least he's showing you that very clearly' - queenie that has brought a smile to my face.