Help i have no idea how to deal with this... Regarding dp beyond drunk, A bit gross

[Close2breaking]

Im so upset right now its beyond belief.

Bit of background, Me and Dp have been having 'chats' now over the last couple of weeks about how im getting seriously pee'd of with things around the house. Things like clean clothes and washing being dumped on the floor, shoes coats etc being dumped anywhere, stuff not being put back where it belongs. Im masssively pregnant and have pgp so ive explained things are getting much harder and more painful for me to do. He agrees yes ok fair point he will be more aware to try not to make more work for me to do then needed

Tonight. He goes out 'for a few' with friend we shall call X instead of me and him going for a meal. Thats fine in itself but i no when X and him are together it tends to turn into a few hundred drinks. Left me sat up waiting as he wouldnt be late. He left at 6 maybe and has just strolled through up to bed. Saw him getting out of the taxi walking rather strange so i think wonderful his drunk.

He gets in bed and i think wow he stinks of alcohol and well... crap. Say have you trumped? No. ok awesome walk down stairs to get a drink this smell is horrific. I find his tshirt on the conservatory floor with shit smears all over it. His jeans full of crap in the washer. Have a cry and go upstairs to get him out of bed. Stands up obviously hasnt been bothered to wash or even wipe theres now crap all over half the bed and some on myself. Im mentally breaking down at this point. His obviously sat on the sofa too as it stinks. Send him for a bath which he apparently has had and cleaned himself and i then find 'it' all over some towels. the downstairs toilet looks like both ends have exploaded and stinks beyond anything ive ever known.

Ive tried to get anything out of him like WTF has happened, why didnt he do anything about it, where the hell his boxers are, why the hell did he get in bed next to me like that. apparently he didnt know. which is bollox because if he hadnt known he would have got undressed upstairs and he wouldnt have put his jeans in the wash.

I dont know what i ever expect anyone to say but obviously i dont feel i can rant about this in RL so even if no one says anything its off my chest a little :) . Seriously where do i take it from here? What am i suppose to say to him.

And no i am not the poo troll unfortunatly this is what my sat night has become and i have name changed

Just got to the end. I'm very glad for you that he did clean up eventually and got you some treats. I hope the two of you will be fine longterm and enjoy your baby :)

Have to say I am seriously about all the posts saying that the house is too unclean to bring a baby into because it has had some faeces smeared over it which has now been cleaned up.

If you had a toddler and a newborn, and the toddler took its nappy off and ran amok doing a dirty protest through the house, would you all GENUINELY believe your newborn was in danger of its life because of the germs?

I am not denying that the OP's DP a) was a revolting drunk who did something disgusting, b) did not sort it anything like as quickly as he should have (although hangover probably explained that) and c) seems to have an alcohol problem which needs addressing urgently.

I TOTALLY agree they have a long way to go as a couple.

HOWEVER claiming that the life and/or health of the OP's unborn child is at risk due to some cleaned-up-with-bleach shite is pretty awful.

If a toddler ran amok with a dirty nappy and the parents then didn't clean up for 24 hours, there would be questions asked regarding them neglecting the child.
What happens if he does this again in a few months after the baby has arrived? Will a box of chocolates and a cream cake suffice then?

Fumigation is necessary to send hm the message that what he did has left a bad stink in the air, figuratively speaking, and to tell him that it is completely unacceptable for him to treat the OP's home like that.

And I very much doubt if he got to every single surface he touched with his hands before he washed them.

Close 2 you say "if WE had thousands in the bank i would probably think differently.
Whats with the "we" Its HIS mess HE caused the problem so HE would/should pay for a proffesional clean WITHOUT you having to pay for it or go without anything either directly or indirectly.
Boy hes really done a number on you hasnt he? No pun intended.

I would definitely be geting out the anti bac spray and wiping all door handles, taps, sinks, basins, bannisters and any surface that food is prepared on/eaten off. carpets can be sprayed with anti bac sprray (toddler diarrhoea and leaky nappies halped me discover that.) I would worry about the sofa and the living room carpets as that is where baby will be rolling around and chewing on toys.

it is hard work cleaning up poo. (toddler) normally, poo bacteria are washed off hands in the bathroom and there is no cross contamination around the house on bannisters/worksurfaces etc. (assuming people actually wash their hands) it is the danger of assuming hands are clean and eating after touching door handles etc.

glad he finally got round to cleaning up, but I would still be cautious. some of his behaviour and attitudes are very worrying. good luck op.

I wouldn't go for fumigation and suchlike, either. I woudl get rid of the air fresheners, though, it's better to know where your smells are if you have any.

As far as making up goes - well, the problem isn't "He got the house dirty". It's a wider question of care & respect for you, being a responsible grownup and of alcohol abuse. The way he's (eventually) responded is more like a kid who's been naughty than the kind of adult man you'd want to have a family with.

The fact that his mother's behind you suggests to me that she knows he's a perennial teenager and is hoping to support you in taking over where she left off, as it were. That's not good enough. You don't want a big kid to go with your baby; you want a proper man, partner to you and father to his child. If I sound a bit disrespectful to him, that's because he's not deserving respect atm!

Don't let him manipulate you into parenting him, Close2. See whether he goes to his treatment thing and really engages with it. Post here if you need feedback, validation or information. My view is that the 12 steps are an excellent foundation for a worthwhile life. If DP chooses not to work it all through properly, he's choosing irresponsibility. You know you can check with us if you ever feel a little bit lost with it.

Wishing you a happy, easy pregnancy and good friends always :)

Oh, you can do the steps yourself. Nothing but good can come of it. Check out al-anon.

Are you the only one worrying about money OP? Because in your partners eyes there seems to enough money for alcohol benders and enough money to discard new jeans because hes ruined them!

Yep, carer. Teenager & "mum". Not good enough!

Exactly garlic I bet if the OP needs something for herself,the house or the baby
Its "oh its our money."
But i bet if he wants to go out it then becomes "his" money.

I have read your messages on this thread with horror and sympathy OP. My DH went through a phase of getting horrendously drunk when I was pg with dc1. He was renowned for getting horribly drunk with mates anyway, but he really went overboard when I was pg. Once using the rug at the end of the bed in my parents' house as a toilet and another time avoiding me like the plague at a wedding whilst getting utterly legless, incapable and climbing on inappropriate things at a wedding in London. I left him to it, walked back to our hotel alone and sobbed my heart out for the rest of the night. I was 34 weeks.
I wrote him a letter about how that made me feel about him personally and as a prospective father. He kept it in his wallet for a long time.

What I wanted to say to you is that things did change when the kids came along. He is much less likely to a) get the opportunity and b) wish to deal with kids on a hangover to behave like he used to. I really hope it works out the same for you. I am so glad he has phoned for help. I often wished DH would.

Have you tried Daz, that will wash out most stains. Could have been worse, might have been a stranger just doing it for shits and giggles!

How are things now OP?

I pooped myself after having shots my hubby had to clean it.

Husband and wife are there no matter what even if he shattered everywhere. If it happened to you likeit did me you would aappreciate him helping out.

I spewed all over my dhs card after a night out. I was out cleaning it up, completely mortified, at 8am the next day

zombie thread

Zombie thread

Who'd want to reopen this?

FFS

The poster that reactivated it calls her DP hubby
That tells you all you need to know.

It was bad enough the first time.