Help i have no idea how to deal with this... Regarding dp beyond drunk, A bit gross

[Close2breaking]

Im so upset right now its beyond belief.

Bit of background, Me and Dp have been having 'chats' now over the last couple of weeks about how im getting seriously pee'd of with things around the house. Things like clean clothes and washing being dumped on the floor, shoes coats etc being dumped anywhere, stuff not being put back where it belongs. Im masssively pregnant and have pgp so ive explained things are getting much harder and more painful for me to do. He agrees yes ok fair point he will be more aware to try not to make more work for me to do then needed

Tonight. He goes out 'for a few' with friend we shall call X instead of me and him going for a meal. Thats fine in itself but i no when X and him are together it tends to turn into a few hundred drinks. Left me sat up waiting as he wouldnt be late. He left at 6 maybe and has just strolled through up to bed. Saw him getting out of the taxi walking rather strange so i think wonderful his drunk.

He gets in bed and i think wow he stinks of alcohol and well... crap. Say have you trumped? No. ok awesome walk down stairs to get a drink this smell is horrific. I find his tshirt on the conservatory floor with shit smears all over it. His jeans full of crap in the washer. Have a cry and go upstairs to get him out of bed. Stands up obviously hasnt been bothered to wash or even wipe theres now crap all over half the bed and some on myself. Im mentally breaking down at this point. His obviously sat on the sofa too as it stinks. Send him for a bath which he apparently has had and cleaned himself and i then find 'it' all over some towels. the downstairs toilet looks like both ends have exploaded and stinks beyond anything ive ever known.

Ive tried to get anything out of him like WTF has happened, why didnt he do anything about it, where the hell his boxers are, why the hell did he get in bed next to me like that. apparently he didnt know. which is bollox because if he hadnt known he would have got undressed upstairs and he wouldnt have put his jeans in the wash.

I dont know what i ever expect anyone to say but obviously i dont feel i can rant about this in RL so even if no one says anything its off my chest a little :) . Seriously where do i take it from here? What am i suppose to say to him.

And no i am not the poo troll unfortunatly this is what my sat night has become and i have name changed

Forgot to say, I'd be livid to if he hadn't sorted himself out before getting in to bed after managing to load the washing machine.

Thanks close ... totally understand the anger. if he can do that why couldn't he have thought to not create the situation in the first place...very familiar feeling. Get yourself off to sleep with that lovely pillow I loved mine when I was having my 3...new pillow everytime lush

If DH snores tonight he'll be doing it alone on the sofa with a cot duvet to cover him, anything worse he'll be sleeping in his car

now theres a idea. could have sent him for a nights kip on his motorbike. however im pretty darn sure he would have noticed the shit before it got any where near the precious thing.

well thanks all for all your thoughts i am now going to try to ignore the in utero areobics/stench/birds singing and sleep as i feel i may have a eventful day a head of me.

i shall probably be back in a few hours to rant about some nonsense his said trying to get out of it all.

Hope you've had some sleep Close...let us know what happens when the Creature arises from its slumber...and if he follows thru with an apology....although that could be a bad choice of words!

I can't put into words how disgusted and furious I'd be!!

I'd have taken photos of all the shit everywhere. Shown him/emailed them to his phone today and said I was sending it to X. Just make him feel absolutely mortified and full of self disgust, anything to stop him getting that shitfaced (ha ha) again.

Hello I went to the loo about half hour ago and he rolled over so thought 6.55 was as good a time as any for him to start cleaning up his mess.

Said it was about time he got up as he had a shit load to deal with . Think that's my lack of sleep humour because it doesn't feel half as funny writing it then saying it.

He said I know and sorry. So yet again he still bloody knows he did it which begs the q why he couldn't be arsed to try and sort it before he went and got in bed next to me.

Well his obviously not moved so guessing his back asleep. He shall look fantastic if his parents come round as they always use the back door and come through the conservatory!

How did your night pan out

DH turned into an arse have a look at my thread (can't believe I'm still up waiting for him) for full rant! What do men drink that makes them incapable of acting luke a human being...must be something women don't like the taste of grin. It would prob be quite useful if his parents did come round..shame works wonders.

OP - its disgusting isn't it. My DP has, three times now, got so drunk on a night out that he comes home and vomits in the bed. The first time he did it I was angry, but a bit worried. The subsequent times I was filled with such an unholy rage I scared myself. And he was only sick in the bed, I can't imagine how I'd feel if he shat everywhere.

If he was poorly then it's completely different, isn't it? I find it very difficult to understand how a grownadult can allow themselves to get that drunk that they can't carry out basic tasks like wiping their arses or getting to the bathroom to be sick. To me, it showed a massir lack of respect from my DP too. We had huge words after the third time because to me, he has a problem. Thankfully, he's knocked that sort of heavy drinking on the head because I basically had my bags packed.

I hope your DP understands how horrendous his behaviour was last night and that he cleans it all up and does the rest of the house as well!

OP, I'd write a note, put it in full view so that when his parents come around, they'll understand why you're not there and why the house smells so badly.

Now that he's 'safe' and unlikely to choke on his own drunken vomit, I'd be hot footing it to my parents house for a long sleep and a lazy day.

Note should remind him (and so his parents can bollock him) exactly what he's done. Including getting into your bed, covered in crap.

Actually, pile load of cleaning materials, bucket and cloths by the note by the note.

Your P.S. should read

"I'll be back only when this place stops smelling like a foul toilet, and more like my home, you thoughtless disrespectful bastard".

I think his behaviour is appalling. Being drunk is not an excuse. And the person who suggested viewing it as practice for dealing with pooey babies is an idiot. Babies do not do big stinky adult poo, nor spread it around the house in the way described. And who the hell should have to look after a grown man as if he were a baby???

OP I hope he is very very remorseful today. Dont you dare clear it all up for him btw!

And if you had gone into labour last night..?

Invite his parents over for breakfast, leave the door on the latch, go out before they arrive...

at all these partners shitting and vomiting I have never heardvanythingnso disrespectful

Ditto noddy. I can't imagine it. Thankfully.

Wake the fucker up and make him deal with it.

Disrespectful is an understatement.

Oh and if I ever thought DS had done something like this to a partner, I'd be in and out through him worse than a dose of salts.

Go in with a bucket of cold water if needed.

Oh you poor thing you clearly have the patience of a saint. I'd have been in a taxi to a hotel and presenting him with the bill!

If he isnt up yet I'd suggest setting a series of alarm clocks ten minutes apart and at slowly increasing distances from him together with a polite note stating that you expect the house clean by you return at lunch/ 3/ dinner. And then go treat yourself to a lovely breakfast/swim/bit of baby based retail therapy. Nothing like focusing on your beautiful baby about to arrive to push out sad thoughts.

Hold in there

That's absolutely disgusting. Basically he's made a dirty protest at your expense.

And there's nothing you can do about it because you're pregnant with his baby and can't make judgements about the sort of person who would do such a thing.

The comments trying to compare this to a shitty nappy are ridiculous. Adults who smear shit everywhere have something wrong with them.

I am amazed at the number of women living with this sort of thing alcohol induced abuse is what it is.

So, you've been having "chats" about him leaving his (metaphorical) shit around the house for you to deal with and now he leaves actual shit around the place?

Agree with those who suggest going out today. Have you got somewhere to go where you can take a nap this afternoon? Because you must be exhausted.

He needs a major attitudinal shift if he is not going to destroy your relationship beyond repair. But you can't really force that - perhaps it'll come to him whilst he is scrubbing up with a hangover.

how are you op? hope you're well away from home and enjoying some r and r away from all the shit / your shitty dp.... hope you're ok.

Yuck, this is very grim Close. I feel for you.

How on earth can people compare a child soiling themselves when ill (which they can't help) or so litle they can't control themselves to a grown man getting so drunk he loses control of his bowels? Not the same thing at all.

And to do this when OP is heavily pregnant and needing extra help, words fail.

Close, is there somewhere you can go out to today to have a rest - family/friends?

What an awful night!

I'd definitely go out for the day and definitely camp out at his parents until the house is spotlessly clean and fresh.
Possibly invite them for dinner...

Scottishmummy good to see the knee-jerk "dump the bastard already" faction hasn't completely taken over mumsnet. You are talking sense regarding prioritizing immediate needs and longer term needs.

I am amazed at the number of women living with this sort of thing alcohol induced abuse is what it is.

This absolutely. It baffles me the way people are sort of speaking tolerantly about it. OP if you want to live with an animal, you could always apply at the zoo. This type of behaviour would mean separation for me, either for good or until he gave a clear commitment to deal with his alcoholism and make sure nothing like this ever happened again.

i went in the room a while a go to say it didnt appear he had done much cleaning and he said well i havent been back to sleep he has been laid awake.

well fucking gold star love me neither at all, all night because of his antics.

thanks for the posts today a few on them last night made me think i was making a mountain out of a molehill. on the somewhat more plesent side im no longer metaphorically shitting my self about literally shitting my self while pushing. i strangely feel like a load has been lifted of my shoulders in that respect.

he has got up threw his jeans in the bin :@ they were brand new i literally bought them yesterday. im angry at that to. i said how wonderful to lie in the knowledge that he can just through brand new jeans away that i bought. the last two pairs i bought him also got spilt the first time he wore them from riding his motorbike and going to the gym in them. the yolk? (bit in between the legs) was to tight to be doing anything like that in them and i told him what would happen but no he knows best. mean while im living in £2 primark strappy tshirts £4 pound leggings and cardis i had in the wardrobe from before i was pregnant. other then that he has done nothing everything is still minging.

i have since had a chat and suggested he spends a night or two at his parents and re evaulating his life and what he thinks is important. he then came out with that when he takes his son back home today (was thankfully stopping at grandparents last night) that he will stop with dss mum 70 odd miles away and not go to work!!

people may say they have a child xyz whatever for me that just doesnt sit right at all. im not suggesting anything but i would find it massivly innapropriate. ive said the final decision is his but i do not know if our relationship could get past that but thats his risk to take.