Help i have no idea how to deal with this... Regarding dp beyond drunk, A bit gross

[Close2breaking]

Im so upset right now its beyond belief.

Bit of background, Me and Dp have been having 'chats' now over the last couple of weeks about how im getting seriously pee'd of with things around the house. Things like clean clothes and washing being dumped on the floor, shoes coats etc being dumped anywhere, stuff not being put back where it belongs. Im masssively pregnant and have pgp so ive explained things are getting much harder and more painful for me to do. He agrees yes ok fair point he will be more aware to try not to make more work for me to do then needed

Tonight. He goes out 'for a few' with friend we shall call X instead of me and him going for a meal. Thats fine in itself but i no when X and him are together it tends to turn into a few hundred drinks. Left me sat up waiting as he wouldnt be late. He left at 6 maybe and has just strolled through up to bed. Saw him getting out of the taxi walking rather strange so i think wonderful his drunk.

He gets in bed and i think wow he stinks of alcohol and well... crap. Say have you trumped? No. ok awesome walk down stairs to get a drink this smell is horrific. I find his tshirt on the conservatory floor with shit smears all over it. His jeans full of crap in the washer. Have a cry and go upstairs to get him out of bed. Stands up obviously hasnt been bothered to wash or even wipe theres now crap all over half the bed and some on myself. Im mentally breaking down at this point. His obviously sat on the sofa too as it stinks. Send him for a bath which he apparently has had and cleaned himself and i then find 'it' all over some towels. the downstairs toilet looks like both ends have exploaded and stinks beyond anything ive ever known.

Ive tried to get anything out of him like WTF has happened, why didnt he do anything about it, where the hell his boxers are, why the hell did he get in bed next to me like that. apparently he didnt know. which is bollox because if he hadnt known he would have got undressed upstairs and he wouldnt have put his jeans in the wash.

I dont know what i ever expect anyone to say but obviously i dont feel i can rant about this in RL so even if no one says anything its off my chest a little :) . Seriously where do i take it from here? What am i suppose to say to him.

And no i am not the poo troll unfortunatly this is what my sat night has become and i have name changed

Hmm - hope things are going OK for you, OP.
Would just like to repeat what an earlier poster said - if a HV came round when something like this has just happened, how do you think they might follow it up?
You might want to talk to your MW/HV. It might need professional advice not just strangers on the internet.

OP you should tell your in laws everything including the fact that he threatened to go to his ex"es place because you havent cleaned up HIS shit.
DIRTY DIRTY DISRESPECTFUL FUCKER.

Nonno mum and others make an excellent point here.

Sorry op but you do realise you will have a newborn that will become seriously unwell if in contact with your house?
Are you due v soon? I'm sorry but i am aghast at this. If a HV came over your house would be flagged, I mean he could have put you and your baby at massive risk here.

He split with his ex when she was PG - again massive alarm bells.

Please stop letting him treat you like this. Sounds odd but it's so apt him shitting, like he's making his mark, turning the relationship to shit. It's horrible.

It also makes me think of mental health problems. The not cleaning it up. So many things going on here. Worried for you and your baby :(

He is seriously sick in the fucking head.

noooo, he's a shitty arse imo.

Op I've been in your position. I foolishly thought that when the baby came he would HAVE to change

It just got worse. I was stuck in every night unable to stop him getting drunk. He would manufacture a row every Friday and bank holiday so that he could go on a bender and not return til the Monday.
I couldn't trust him with the baby ever because I would come back to find him drunk.

It is so much worse if you don't deal with it now. In whichever way you think best for you. You need a supportive partner with a new baby because the strain it puts on even the most solid of couples is hard to describe.

I also bought Glamour for the free Percy and Reed product (i chose the shampoo) i cannot for the life of me understand why Glamour is the biggest selling glossy.Its awful.
I used to get Easy Living but i dont like the new revamp.
And i find Elle quite shallow.

Sorry posted on the wrong thread. Ignore that last post.

Sorry about the wrong posting OP. Thatll teach me to have two threads open while watching tv at the same time. Hope you"re ok.

The question I want to ask is did he leave his previous partner when she was pregnant?

If so, then I think he might be deliberately provoking this crisis.

You are dealing with a man who can't face fatherhood and has a massive amount of growing up to do. Lying on the floor using his dressing gown as a pillow? That is what children do when they are playing house.

He is showing you the utmost disrespect and revealing himself to be a complete boob. To insult you by telling you he was going to stay with his ex after covering his own body and home, and your bed, in his own shit -- he has absolutely no respect for either himself or for you. If he cared at all about you or the baby or your relationship he would have had the place smelling like roses by 9 o'clock the next morning. I know someone who did something like this one night and he bought an entire florist's shop of blooms the next day after scrubbing the house so hard you could see your reflection in every bathroom surface.

Do not believe a word this pathetic, useless lump says about changing.

Contact your university and see what they can do for you about your course or finding you part time work while you study, or getting you access to emergency funds. Go to your CAB and find out what you are entitled to.

The question I want to ask is did he leave his previous partner when she was pregnant?

Or did she kick him out? Wouldn't suprise me.

I second not believing a word he says too. He has form for this and if you want to know what the future looks like OP, look at the present.

I know you probably don't have the strength for this right now, but that's what they do. They always pick times when you're at your most vulnerable. He has you trapped. He's not looking for a wife, he's looking for a Mother. Literally and figuratively someone to clean up his shit.

Please don't sign up for this. As I say there is never a good time to break up but he's left you with no choice imho.

Coming to this thread very late. May I do a precis ?

1. he got arseholed, shit himself and was too incapable to clean himself up properly

2. the next day he refused to clean up

3. he threatened that if you didn't STFU moaning about it, he would find himself forced into going to stay with his exP

4. he still isn't in the least bit remorseful

You would tolerate this treatment ?

Well, good luck to you, because whe you are saddled with the demands of a tiny baby, it is going to get a thousand times worse, and you will be too fucked to do anything about it.

I still say, chuck a bucket of water over him, and tell him 2 grow the fuck up!

So your partner got drunk, crapped himself, spread shit all over the house and all through the beds, slept in it and hasn't cleaned it up.

Is he the actual Poo Troll?

On the one hand i could excuse the poo incident as a one off. Gross but not deliberate.

Its the behaviour afterwards that is the issue.

OP how are you this morning?

How are you and how is the house? Were the in laws any help?

Just read whole thread and am at his behaviour, as others have said, the no cleaning is worse than the initial incident.

Book a cleaning company on his card, and tell everyone.

Then decide if you can love this "man" after this. I couldn't.

Morning :) well afternoon

Ive taken the day off and had a massive lay in. Dp has sorted all the stuff and had a proper bath the house smells of fabreeze plug in things . He is currently cooking my dinner and been out and bought me a cream cake and chocolates.

I still don't get well any of it really and doubt I ever will. I'll never get why he didn't do this yesterday maybe dying in his own humiliation or something.

Although it doesn't make things better at least his made the effort at last.

I've spoke to his mum for a whole hour on the phone, even my mother doesn't get calls like that! Top shot she has no idea why, when how etc. She said I should never be afraid to call which was nice and they will do anything to try and help .

He is phoning the number for the alcohol support service before work apparently too. I will go and read any comments after lunch I have such a headache ATM though

Thank you all for being there and talking to me

Well done that girl! Get stuck into the cream cakes

O.k so he has masked not cleaning his shit properly with plug-ins? Lovely!

How it was left for over 24 hours is beyond me. You sat there and ate food (whilst pregnant) knowing there was shit over several rooms - that is seriously grim.

How little respect he showed to the woman carrying his child that it took so long. And you can forgive this can you?

A crappy box of chocolates and a cream cake doesn't make up for exposing a pregnant woman and an unborn baby to a shit smeared house for 24 hours.
OP your worth more than that.

Oh come on guys ... the OP is close to giving birth, this is the worst possible time to break up with her partner.

We can all agree that his behaviour was disgusting, disrespectful and thoughtless, however there is no evidence he is abusive and I am frankly amazed to read some of the amateur psychoanalysis in this thread given how little we all know about their situation.

Seems to me that the OP is well capable of standing her ground and drawing boundaries. From her last post it seems that he is responding in some fashion. Calling the alcohol advice line is an encouraging step.

Why can't we support her to fix the relationship rather than just urging the nuclear option?