Help i have no idea how to deal with this... Regarding dp beyond drunk, A bit gross

[Close2breaking]

Im so upset right now its beyond belief.

Bit of background, Me and Dp have been having 'chats' now over the last couple of weeks about how im getting seriously pee'd of with things around the house. Things like clean clothes and washing being dumped on the floor, shoes coats etc being dumped anywhere, stuff not being put back where it belongs. Im masssively pregnant and have pgp so ive explained things are getting much harder and more painful for me to do. He agrees yes ok fair point he will be more aware to try not to make more work for me to do then needed

Tonight. He goes out 'for a few' with friend we shall call X instead of me and him going for a meal. Thats fine in itself but i no when X and him are together it tends to turn into a few hundred drinks. Left me sat up waiting as he wouldnt be late. He left at 6 maybe and has just strolled through up to bed. Saw him getting out of the taxi walking rather strange so i think wonderful his drunk.

He gets in bed and i think wow he stinks of alcohol and well... crap. Say have you trumped? No. ok awesome walk down stairs to get a drink this smell is horrific. I find his tshirt on the conservatory floor with shit smears all over it. His jeans full of crap in the washer. Have a cry and go upstairs to get him out of bed. Stands up obviously hasnt been bothered to wash or even wipe theres now crap all over half the bed and some on myself. Im mentally breaking down at this point. His obviously sat on the sofa too as it stinks. Send him for a bath which he apparently has had and cleaned himself and i then find 'it' all over some towels. the downstairs toilet looks like both ends have exploaded and stinks beyond anything ive ever known.

Ive tried to get anything out of him like WTF has happened, why didnt he do anything about it, where the hell his boxers are, why the hell did he get in bed next to me like that. apparently he didnt know. which is bollox because if he hadnt known he would have got undressed upstairs and he wouldnt have put his jeans in the wash.

I dont know what i ever expect anyone to say but obviously i dont feel i can rant about this in RL so even if no one says anything its off my chest a little :) . Seriously where do i take it from here? What am i suppose to say to him.

And no i am not the poo troll unfortunatly this is what my sat night has become and i have name changed

no i didnt realise there was one whats it called?

the local people did say if i ever needed to talk i could go there

Well op, I am going to put my flame proof jacket on ready for this, but are you stupid? That house is a hazard to you and the baby, the man is useless and if you cannot see that getting the hell out of there for a day or two is the only healthy solution for you physically and mentally, well you might as well pull up a fleece and get on the floor with him!

I do feel for you but you are clearly letting him treat you this way!

Flame on ladies I'm ready!

The not cleaning up after himself would be a deal breaker for me.

Just read this thread from start to finish and am shocked and appalled that he hasn't cleaned up! I would get a taxi over to the inlaw's house and when I get there I would have a good cry and tell his mum and dad exactly what he did last night and what he has done since!

I would ask them if you could kip on their sofa for the night as breathing in his SHIT, which is ALL OVER the house (conservatory, big bed, lad's bed, sofa, bath) is a health hazard for you and your baby. I would hope they would put up their heavily pregnant DIL for the night, and also go round and give their selfish horrid son a good talking to.

So hes been to an AA meeting? he must have accepted at that point that he had a problem, but still was at the point he thought he wasnt that bad.

This is not about an abusive partner, its about an alcoholic partner.

You can get support here

Has he cleaned up yet?

Please don't say you did?

The two are not mutually exclusive. I don't think it's helpful to excuse his refusal to clean up after himself by blaming alcoholism. His whiny passive-aggressive shitting IS abusive.

So sorry for you - big hug.

Please take pictures if you can bear to and then ask your in-laws to put you up so you can get some sleep.

Pictures? Why?

? Im not excusing anything LeBof if that was to me?

I think the link in my last post may be helpful.

I at least agree with you calamity ! No disrespect op I font think for a second it's easy to know what to do but medically it's vital you get the hell out at least til someone's come and cleared up. The filth and stress won't do baby ( or you) any good at all and if you go into labour early as a result of said stress ( not trying to scare you op) but the infections you could catch in the shitty house don't bare thinking about. Please beg borrow sell steal etc do what you can but please go somewhere clean and safe while hopefully he hires a cleaning squad :)

Believe me your DC will be an awful lot better off if they never have anything to do with this man. He is clearly toxic in both the emotional and biological sense

It sounds like he's had his last chance already.

You need to get out of their Close2. You have to protect yourself and your baby. Remember, this is how he'll treat you when you're vulnerable.

Please take up any offers to go and stay somewhere sanitary. He has done a number on you if you think all you are worth is sleeping on the floor in the house withbshit on the walls.

Your dh needs to want to go to AA or wherever on his own accord. Whilst you clean up after his mess you enable his behavior.

My exh is an alcoholic. He did the same shitting the bed thing one night having drunk a lot of someone else's wine and smoked a lot of their grass. We stayed at their house. I went up to bed and he came up later smearing shit up their walls etc.

I should have left it for him but felt I had to clean it up for our poor hosts sake. So I did. I scrubbed the walls and the bathroom and took the sheets off. In the morning I was trying to put the sheets in the machine before anyone was up and ended up having a tussle with the hostess over them (train spotting style).

He never did that again but his drinking got worse and worse. If I'd left him to clean up the aftermath of his drinking more often maybe he'd have gone to AA sooner.

You mustn't clean this mess up for him. However much you want to.

I've been away for a few hours and have come back to check on Close2breaking. I literally cannot believe this pathetic excuse for a man has done nothing to make amends for his appalling behaviour.

Close2breaking- I haven't got anything to add beyond what's already been written. I don't know how to make you see you and your unborn baby are worth so much more. How dare he expect you to stay in a house with shit covered beds, bathrooms, sofa, etc etc.

Please call his parents and ask them to come over. I understand it is embarrassing- but it should be so much more for him than you. He needs to understand this is just totally unacceptable. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to care enough for you to take on board what you are saying. Perhaps his mother or father can get through. If you do nothing you are colluding with him. He has literally left your home covered in his own filth and doesn't care enough to clean it up. You know if you clean it up, any respect for you he has (and frankly that's debatable) will fall further don't you. Who leaves the person they love to clean up their shit?

Call the parents - especially the dad, tell them whats happening, tell them that you cannot risk harming the baby with e-coli/salmonella/campylobacter etc etc etc from human faeces, and could they please please come and help, as their son is lying on the floor in the kitchen and you don't know what to do with him or with the house. If you cry, all the better, especially if you are talking to your FIL.

Id also beg them for a bed for the night on the basis that you cannot stay in a house of pooh.

You should not, under any circumstances, clean up the pooh. Far too many horribles in human faeces. Far too much danger for baby.

So there's shit in the bath, on the sofa, in your bed and your DSS bed, over the washing machine and numerous other surfaces and the man who did it is lying on the kitchen floor waiting for you, his heavily pregnant partner, to clear it up.

You need help from somewhere, now. If you can't/won't get to a hotel then call his parents as Hatti suggests.

You do know what he is doing, don't you?

He will sleep in the kitchen, get up tomorrow and go to work and expect you to have cleaned up his shit before he gets home. If you haven't he will ignore it again, and again. If you do then you will be wiping his arse for the rest of your lives together.

Phone your MIL right now and ask her round for a coffee tomorrow morning, then tell him she's coming. If that doesn't make him clear up his own shite nothing will.

have messaged you, Close2breaking

I cannot get over the fact that he's done this and then hasn't cleaned up. Who the hell does he think he is?

Has he still not cleaned up? Are you still sitting in a stinking house?

Does he have any money? Can he pay for the hotel?

Has he cleaned up close? Please tell me he's come to his senses and grovelled unreservedly!!!