I know what I *should* do but in shock :(

[Sarsaparilllla]

So, I'm engaged, we're due to get married in August, on Sat we had a day out with my brother and his wife, and then they stayed at ours, we all had quite a lot to drink, I went to bed quite late as did my brother and my fiance and sis in law stayed up watching a film

I just had a weird feeling something was up, not right, earlier in the evening my fiance had gone upstairs to the loo, she'd been up there too saying she was getting something out of the room they were staying in, but all their bags were still downstairs, I thought at the time it was slightly odd but forgot about it

Last night I woke up at 5.30am and my fiance wasn't in bed anymore, he'd gone to sleep downstairs on the sofa, I don't know why but his phone was by the bed and I read his texts, there was a whole conversation between him & sis in law that started out her staying 'I miss you' and basically saying 'oh god, this is a mess, it was better when we pretended we hated each other, I'm married, when can we meet up' etc etc... so something did happen, and I'm in utter shock, I don't know what to do, I know what I should do, but I feel numb :(

He then woke up (I went into the bathroom so must've woke him), he came to bed, I said to him, do you have something you want to tell me? He said no, why what's up, I couldn't speak, I didn't know what to say, I turned off the light and tried to sleep, and pretend this isn't happening, but it is and now he's lied to my face as well

Help :( :(

Sars, just wanted to say a big 'well done', been watching this thread to see how you're getting on but not posted before now as i don't feel I can offer advice.

I'm glad you found the strength you needed to deal with this incredibly difficult situation. Keep strong, you and your brother.

Thank you for coming back - I've really been wondering how you're doing.

Another massive well done from me. You poor women, you must feel like your whole world has tilted on its axis. I hope this brings your family together and you emerge from this hideous dreadful experience as a stronger happier woman.

Congratulations on opening the door to your future, Sars. It feels like an ending, but you have rescued yourself from a terrible situation. I'm so sorry it was like this though.

sars - just thinking of you with support and kindness.

woman

As awful as you must feel you have done the right thing and i am so happy for you. As the bible says we reap what we sow. You have just sown seeds for a future that will have love and happiness for you and your future children. Now your future husband can come and find you

Sars, I'm so sorry for you, but at least you now know the truth and can move on with your life. I hope you and your brother are able to come out I this ok.

I'd like to add to some posters, this is not a soap opera, this is someone's life and whilst it was great to get an update a
So that we know sars is ok, it's not our right.

Sars, on behalf women kind - 1

Shitty, pathetic men - 0

Hello Sars, I've stayed away from your thread until now - all kudos to IB who has articulated the worry I've felt MUCH better than harpy-esque old me could :) alongside the reluctance to keep on posting - thinking it was maybe becoming just another cross for you to bear, another set of folk to worry about.

Gutted for you, but so relieved.

Onwards and upwards, lady. Keep coming back, if you can. There are lots of splendid women here who have been where you are and can let you know from the horse's mouth that life can ONLY improve from here. Your own personal free counselling service and positive thinking DVD rolled into one.

I hope your bro is ok.

Lots of love and luck to you brave lady x

I am excited for you that you have the chance of a new future, stronger, and with a new man who will worship the ground you walk on and cherish what he has with you.

Good for you. It must be really, really shit for you right now, but you have done a really good thing in the long run. [hugs]

Well done Sars. It must have taken a huge amount of courage to tell your brother. I really admire the strength and resolve you have shown. I hope you feel proud, you deserve to. Stay strong

Congratulations I am so relieved if he had to be a scum bag at least he did it before the wedding or any kids. I really feel for your brother and hope this is a time when your family can really pull together.

sars, you poor love, i am extremely relieved for you that you did get the truth. well done for having the courage to confront him, and to tell your borther, it must have been bloody awful.

hugs to you and your bro. x

Oh Sars - all I can say is that if it's any comfort at all (which it won't feel like now), you have seen his true colours before wedding/mortgage/children. But it doesn't make you any less right now, I realise that.

And hideous as it is, you will always have someone close to you who understands exactly how you feel as your poor poor brother is going through the same feeling of horror as you.

Stay strong - it might feel worse before it feels better - but it WILL get better.

Well done Sars you should be very proud of youself, onwards and upwards!

Hello Sars, I'm so sorry for the pain you have had to go through - this is the worst of it, it will get better.
I agree with SlightlyJaded's last post. Thank goodness that you are not married to him, etc.
You will be a great support to your brother - he deserves better, as you do. You will be a great support to each other x

Please please please don't all jump on me. But I don't believe you sars. I don't know why. I think you've told us what you think we want to hear :(

I sort of agree with you actually inbetweener. But you know we're going to get mashed up, right? I just didn't want you to think you were by yourself in that opinion, and being brave enough to say so.

Anyway, I'm not posting any more. Good luck with everything OP, honestly.

Inbetweener just my two bits, and really, not jumping on you- it's not really any of our business. Everyone here has given OP really good advice. On balance, if she has followed that advice then she is already going through an extremely hard time. IMO we shouldn't add to it with surmises that we have no way of proving or disproving, which if true won't change her mind, and which if not true, can only cause her more pain or upset.

Am so sorry Sars.

What did your DB say and what is happening with him and his wife?

Have to say I'm with inbetweener, here, but I can't talk because I took my ex back again and again, and got a PhD in turning a blind eye.

If the OP wants to keep what happened private, that's fine. She's let us know she's still alive and kicking and that she has spoken to her fiance about what happened.

God, have to say I wish this forum had been around when I was going through this. I do think it would have made all the difference.

Yep fair point pinecones. Sars I wish you the best love. I hope it IS true :)

argh I agree with inbetweener :(

why? because I have put up with so much crap, hurt, abuse, it took most of my life to grow some! :(

I hope I am wrong and that the OP is being truthful. :(

Well done. Courage and kudos.