DH resents me going on maternity leave

[sydneyslug]

My DH resents me going on mat leave because I won't be earning any money and the baby is for my benefit apparently. I am also lazy for 'sitting on my arse' (I'm 8 months pregnant) whilst he goes out to work. I am beginning to dread having this baby if he is so resentful of having to pay towards it, or actually do anything to help!

What an arse! Offer to go back to work and let him take the time off to look after the baby. I offered this to DH each time and not surprisingly he didn't take me up on the offer! And yes I would happily have given up opportunity to breastfeed and given formula instead if DH was going to look after the baby.

Although FWIW never really understood need to start maternity leave at 8 months though, my maternity leave didn't start until 39-40 weeks - I worked until 39 weeks (and DS2 born at 39 weeks) - so no sitting on arse - and that included commute into central London the tube.

I have saved quite a lot of money which he doesn't know about because I always suspected this would happen and I thought I'd need a running-away fund.

Why didn't you run away before getting pregnant? Sorry but if you could see it coming it seems as though he has always been a twat, not just since you've been pregnant.

I don't think that's really important right now, is it?

What is important, is that Sydney manages to straighten this all up in her mind and begin to process what the majority of posts on this thread have been about - getting herself and get unborn child to a place where they are safe. Which is clearly not with this man.

OP, please think about getting away from him as soon as you can. And it might be worth thinking about bot naming him on the birth certificate etc - I can imagine that he might use the baby to further control you if you haven't left him by the time it arrives - i.e 'if you leave me, I will keep your baby, because you '

I am not saying that he would actually have any interest in looking after the baby or being a parent, by the way, just that he will see it as another means of control.

I must say, usually I steer clear of the 'leave the bastard' type sayings, but in this case i really do hope that you are seeing things clearly, and that you really will leave very soon.

her unborn child, sorry

If they're married, he's going to have parental responsibility for the baby whatever goes on the birth certificate, unfortunately.

Yes I know Flangelina, but my thinking was that it might reduce his control, or more importantly how much control OP perceives that he has.

I know that legally it won't help, but if it does any good in giving OP a stronger mental stance, then I think it's worth it.

What does he say about the amount of money that you will have to pay for child care once you finish maternity leave? It sounds as though he lacks any caring qualities whatsoever. Was the pregnancy planned? Even if it wasn't, this baby is not just yours but his, too.

OP - it sounds like it will take a lot to turn this around. Believe me. Best leave now before anyone gets hurt.

you have a choice. I wish i had left my DP ages ago. now I am faced with leaving him when my DD is 5 and my DS is 2. I wish I had left him and not had to deal with the hurt for my kids.

:-(

GO!

how long is it since the OP actually posted ?

I hope she is at her mum's

me too AF

Monday afternoon is the last time the OP posted. I also hope that she has gone to her Mum's by now, or is at least making plans to do so very soon.
And I really hope her mum isn't one of those benighted women who thinks that any husband is better than none and she should just put up with it and try and maker her DH's life easier by doing more herself blah blah bollox bollox.

OP when you return, I can't add much to the very sound advice everyone else has given, but please let me point out that babies can come early for no reason - my DS turned up at 36wks, after a mere 3 days of ML, so please don't delay for any reason. I have to agree with the posters who said seek legal advice ASAP, and move to your mums immediately. It's been great to read your posts where you seemed to decide to leave, perhaps you already have.
I really hope you've already told your mum about your situation so she can help get you settled in, and be aware in case your DC is early.
If you're moving stuff out of your house, make sure you have other people with you at all times, as a trigger like that might set your horrid H off. You might need to move out while he's out and inform him after. Assume the worst to protect your unborn child, and you'll keep yourself safe too.
How about a NC from sydneyslug to sydneybutterfly! Congratulations on your impending DC, please surround yourself with positive people from now on!

this thread has really scared me.

I read the OP and thought who on earth could talk to their wife like that? It's just dreadful. And suddenly I had flashbacks of my father speaking like this to my mother, same insults about career, weight, lack of ambition etc etc. Then I remembered where he had tried to force her to have an abortion at 24 weeks with my sister (I was 12). There was intermittent DV and police involvement.

I can't believe I had forgotten it all. My parents relationship has fucked me up massively. OP, my best advice is for you to leave as soon as you can. You don't want your little one growing up in my house.

MrsJoe - hope you're ok - suddenly remembering stuff like that can be a touch traumatic if you've locked those memories away for some time.

Thanks Thumbwitch.

Just read this thread to my DH and he just can;t believe the twattery of OP's husband.

hugs to you OP, congratws on your pregnancy. You can be a very happy single mother. Tired, hardworking and sleep deprived but happy :)

MrsJoe

My sister's husband was like this. His behaviour became worse after the baby was born. He used to take the plug off the tv before going to work to make sure she couldn't 'sit around watching tv all day'. He also took away her bank cards and gave her a couple of pounds a day spending money. She couldn't drive and didn't live near shops bigger than a newsagent so she was really stuck. She wasn't allowed the central heating on and was only allowed to do one load of washing a week.

I've only read your first post (sorry, haven't got time to read everything at the moment) but it sounds very worrying to me. I hope you've got good friends and family around you to help you out.

Bloody hell, please tell me that your sister left him and lived happily ever after?

Hope you OK OP.

I've just caught up and read the whole thread. I'm staggered at the things he has said to you sydney. No new advice, just support. Get to a solicitor now-forewarned is forearmed.

I hope you are at your mum's too.

I'm also hoping the OP has packed up and gone to her mothers.

CagneyNLacey: She left eventually but only after having a second child who was very ill and had to spend a couple of months in hospital as a newborn - not good but it gave her the chance to make a break from him.

He made her life hell after she left and would bang on her windows in the night, phone her at all hours, attacked her regularly over contact etc. Eventually he was only allowed contact in a contact centre but was so aggressive there that they banned him. My sister became mentally ill which was a large part down to the stress of her relationship with him. My parents had to take over care of the children from about the age of 9 and 10. They're now in their late teens and my sister's been in and out of mental hospitals ever since.

Not exactly happy ever after I'm afraid.

Lindt - how awful! You must want to chop his bollocks off!

Oh god, that's awful, I'm so sorry