Shall I contact or text?

[iofficiallygiveup]

I have been seeing someone for a couple of months, we had a chat about whether we were going to be exclusive and both said we would think about it, there is a few complications, I have dc, he doesnt and obviously I can't always be available for nights out etc.

Anyway last night was one such night, he went out and I had a little look at his FB (I know, I know . On there around 10.00 pm he made friends with a woman and she immediately left a VERY flirty message. I did not hear from him all evening and have not heard from him today, this is very unsual for us as we are constantly texting and chatting.

So I think I have been dumped haven't I? My mate says ring him but I really don't want to to be honest, it seems he is just one of those that moves on without a word and I feel it is keeping my dignity to just retire in silence and dignity. So what do you all think?

Don't you DARE chase him.

If he goes out and flirts with some woman he meets in a bar and you are at the point of having the exclusive conversation, you start putting up with this shit, you are on slippery slope.

Do nothing.

Bugger all.

WAIT until this guy comes and contacts you again. When you see how he is, what his demeanour is, how LONG it takes you to hear from him.. THEN come talk to us....

Let him hang himself on his own rope....

This is ALL about HIS character, not yours.

he knows the score with you, if he is the right man to be with, he'd understand, he'd go out and he wouldn't be chatting up women.

Trust your instincts on this one. Hold you head up high and don't you dare wibble.

I had a guy do this to me last week. OK so I hadn't known him as long as you have, and I hadn't met him as much, but it still ffing hurts.

When he refused to take a call, I deleted the ffer. I may have sent an email telling him how ffing humiliated he made me in front of all my friends that was is.

Oh God thank you so much!!! This is what I think but I have mates bleating "what if its all a misunderstanding?" which makes me wobble and I will be honest I feel like utter crap about the whole thing because I really, really liked him and I think he liked me, not enough obviously .

I am not going to delete him from FB much as I want to, I will hide his posts so I don't have to see them but I won't let him see he had any kind of effect on me.

I don't think he will contact me again. It has been daily, completely regular and very comfortable contact since a few days after we met and I have made a lot of effort to see him and get babysitters etc, he knows this so I think the totaly drop off of any contact means something happened and I am dumped.

Oh well, but I really do officially give up on men!

I have deleted his number so I don't wobble but I feel really though. My ex H was an absolute pig and I was with him for 10 years, this was my first toe back in the water. I purposely stayed single for two years as well to reset my twat radar and this happens the first time out there. I'm done.

Don't be so hard on yourself. My twat radar is crap, as are many peoples that's why mn and friends exist. People put a show on at first in a relationship, like window dressing, and its easy to fall for a good facade.

Put it down to experience. Lick your wounds. Move on.

God, I wouldn't jump too many conclusions based on what you have said. When exactly did you have the 'exclusive' conversation?

On Tuesday.

Still not heard from him.

Did he carry on as normal with texts and chatting after that or have you not heard from him since tuesday?

Does he go out on nights out on a thursday? Is he a student??

of course you feel :( Ioffici, we all get like that, hold fast, act like he doesnt matter to you and soon he'll be water under the bridge:)

Trust your instincts love. I am so sorry, I was gutted last week when this happened to me.

Chin up love, soldier on. This man is not right for you if he treats you with this disregard.

Now with every passing minute, he KNOWS you KNOW that there is something up and he is taking the back route out...

don't give up on men, just give up on this one.

Move along, don't have him back, teach him a lesson. No-one gets to treat you like that. Not for anything!

(((((HUGS))))))

I wouldn't chase him but I would pull him up on it. Eitherway it is just plain bloody rude to just not contact you and if he doesn't by the end of the weekend, send him a withering text/e-mail about his crap manners. He deserves the feedback!

Do I understand correctly that he has reservations about being exclusive because you have DC and therefore will not be available every night at his beck and call? If so "arse".

Yes texting as usual after Tuesday, even a worried one because I hadn't let him know I got home safely. Then texts all afternoon yesterday until he went out and then not a word since.

Thanks all for replying though. I won't text him or call him I'm quite good about things like that, I don't like to chase further rejection .

He just said there was a lot to think about before saying we were exclusive but I think that was part of it, yes.

He told me I was beautiful on Tuesday as well and that all his mates thought so too. Obviously she was more so!

hold your head up girl and dont look back :)

Lost his phone ??

In A&E ??

Sick relative ???

No phone credit ??

Why give him a hard time until you know the reason or until more time has elapsed ???

Really sorry to hear this, but I remember having a chat some years ago with friends about the phenomenon of "male pattern cowardice." That's where they bottle out, but don't want to be made to feel bad about it, so they just scarper.

It's normal to feel sad and disappointed, not specifically because this was deffo Mr Right and you've lost him, but to feel sad for what you hoped might be, what could have happened. But, at least you know now, relatively early on, that he wasn't a keeper by a country mile, and you won't need to waste any more of the precious time you can spend doing things you enjoy and feeling happy in yourself.

And, just think, you could have been stuck with this twit (perhaps still in the are we aren't we exclusive limboland, waiting for him to poop or get off the pot,) when the right guy came along, and you didn't get the chance to find out.

Oh and the compliment thing - well I've heard this happens quite alot, which just compounds the sense of confusion when a guy then disappears - everything seemed to be going well until boom, he vanished. I think it might be the male equivalent of women saying, "you're a really nice guy and will make someone a brilliant boyfriend, but . . . " when they're trying to sugar coat the pill of rejection. (Problem is, alot of men interpret this as "there's something wrong with her - she must prefer "nasty" men then, when they can't accept that sometimes, relationships just don't work out, or don't get far out of the starting blocks even. I digress.)

I know it doesn't feel like that just this minute, but the guy actually did you a mahoosive favour. You'll be okay, honest.

Warlock, oh give us a break. If I really gave a damn about a friend, work colleague or someone I was thinking of being in an exclusive relationship with and I lost my phone or any of those other scenarios, you know what I'd do? I'd find some way to get a message to them. I'd know that they'd be worrying about me and If I cared about them even a jot, I'd not leave them hanging, even if it wasn't straighforward.

She's only dated the dude a couple months, so she doesn't need to invest another precious moment waiting him to decide she's important enough to contact.

Thing is though, in a few days, maybe a few weeks, he might just do that. That's usually a signal that "back up date" didn't work out either and rather than casting his net out into fresh waters, he thinks he might have kept her on the line and can reel her back in. Beware . . . there be dragons!

Well he is still managing to make comments on his FB warlock which is making me seethe actually!

KRITIQ your posts made me and I needed to.

But it has only been 24/36 hours !!

After a VERY flirty message from another girl AND when no more than a couple of hours have gone by between messages and calls for the last two months. Seriously you don't think there is something up here?

Oh yes he needs pulling up on it, I agree with the withering email, cos that's what I did. I don't know if the end of the weekend is too far off. TBH why on earth should you be sat around waiting on tenterhooks.

I think I'd be inclined to break it off myself. Over these last couple of days, I've been thinking, this is not working out for me, blah blah, and I've decided to bring this relationship to an end.

You have been seeing his guy for a couple of months, so therefore it's damned right to be flipping exclusive. I'd not be accepting any pissing about once the relationship got physical tbh. I don't cheat and I don't share.

You know you are right OP, 3 weeks of solid 24 hour contact to NOTHING, not even picking up my calls.

He's fine and alive and kicking on FB, you know what's going on.

Unacceptable.