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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Shall I contact or text?

156 replies

iofficiallygiveup · 17/02/2012 18:29

I have been seeing someone for a couple of months, we had a chat about whether we were going to be exclusive and both said we would think about it, there is a few complications, I have dc, he doesnt and obviously I can't always be available for nights out etc.

Anyway last night was one such night, he went out and I had a little look at his FB (I know, I know . On there around 10.00 pm he made friends with a woman and she immediately left a VERY flirty message. I did not hear from him all evening and have not heard from him today, this is very unsual for us as we are constantly texting and chatting.

So I think I have been dumped haven't I? My mate says ring him but I really don't want to to be honest, it seems he is just one of those that moves on without a word and I feel it is keeping my dignity to just retire in silence and dignity. So what do you all think?

OP posts:

WinkyWinkola · 20/02/2012 16:44

Mild curiosity as to what he's playing at? He's playing you and you're showing interest. Easy peasy.

Original poster

iofficiallygiveup · 20/02/2012 16:45

Well I haven't and won't be replying to that one. I am going to go out and drink cocktails tonight instead, but not too many as it's a school night oh well.

OP posts:

something2say · 20/02/2012 16:53

Oh officially, so its kicked off a bit again then. Shite.

What now do you think? Is the ball in your court to respond or not to his weekend news? And you have not yet, right?

Do you think maybe he is saying he was out and is now back in and where are you and can you make some plans?

Do you think maybe it was nothing, the writing on the wall and maybe you were wrong to jump to conclusions?

Or do you think you were right all along and it is sad that he is back dragging it all up again, but you knew something would have to be said to lay it to rest properly?

something2say · 20/02/2012 16:54

..........The minutae of the text message and e mail..........!!!

Original poster

iofficiallygiveup · 20/02/2012 17:35

I think he did whatever he did and then woke up this morning feeling a bit regretful and is putting out the feelers as to whether I am pissed off or he can get away with it and pick up where we left off. Or maybe he doesn't want to be seen as an arse.

I felt rubbish over the weekend, really bad at times but I felt better when I woke up this morning and I don't want to go back into it only to feel awful if and when he does it again. Besides I am not entirely sure that he is not trying to go down the "friends" route now, with the friendly, chatty messages. I don't think he is necessarily trying to pick things up again.

Either way I want to try to keep some control and so I won't reply because I don't particularly like either option iyswim. Best to let it go I think.

OP posts:

perceptionreality · 20/02/2012 18:28

Men are never looking for a 'friend' in the true sense, I find. All the men that I thought I had genuine friendships with disappeared quickly if I got into a relationship or they realised I would never have a relationship or sex with them. I've been quite hurt by it in the past as they were some of them people I really liked (as people)

Sorry to go off the point. Why do some people behave like this though? It's pathetic. I can understand why you have been drawn in to an extent OP because you've had sex with this guy and discussed exclusivity. Out of interest did he make a gesture on valentine's day? I know some people think it's rubbish anyway...

fluffylegs · 20/02/2012 20:53

OP I think you are really headed in the right direction with this. Your instinct is telling you no and you are listening to this - self preservation is kicking in.

The whole facebook thing is just a bit embarrassing isn't it. You will find someone who doesn't make a public spectacle of himself - definitely let it go.

good luck

HoudiniHissy · 20/02/2012 21:14

either that or this guy had done what he wanted to do, realised that she is not all he thought she was, has had his fun and now looking at reeling you back in.

You let him treat you like this he will do it again and again.

AdLibitum · 20/02/2012 21:29

He didn't even respond to the flirty fb message though did he? I think you have jumped to conclusions. Too much crazy guesswork involved!!:-)

Original poster

iofficiallygiveup · 20/02/2012 22:50

Am home, a little bit drunk . Lovely birthday cocktails!

Didn't respond to previous message and now had another one asking how my day had been WTAF?

I won't be replying to this one either.

OP posts:

Original poster

iofficiallygiveup · 20/02/2012 22:52

houdini I think you are spot on about her not being what he thought she was. I think this because I have felt similar in the past! Never been such an arse about it though.

OP posts:

MsCellophane · 20/02/2012 22:53

So, he goes out on Thurs and doesn't contact you til today which is out of character? I wouldn't say that was that terrible

If you hadn't had seen the 'flirty' message, would you have contacted him on friday or saturday?

I'm wondering if he was sitting at home all weekend, doing what you have been doing, fretting about why you haven't been in touch

Why not pick up the phone and speak to him instead of wondering? All seems a bit angsty over a comment he didn't even write.

MsCellophane · 20/02/2012 22:54

And I'm guessing his FB is open to you? If he was going to be playing away, wouldn't he have done it privately?

hisgentletouch · 20/02/2012 22:57

MsC, it was his turn to reply, she wished him a to have good night. Why on earth would he be fretting instead of just calling her? he's normally very chatty according to OP, if he wanted to, he'd contact.

Original poster

iofficiallygiveup · 20/02/2012 22:57

Just had a look actually, she has left a message thanking him for a great weekend. So I think that's that!

OP posts:

hisgentletouch · 20/02/2012 22:58

he sounds like one of these arses who are only interested if they have to chase a woman (yawn).

Original poster

iofficiallygiveup · 20/02/2012 22:59

But WTF is he still texting me unless he hasn't checked his FB? So doesn't realise she has left that message. FB has turned out to be pretty useful on this occasion I would say.

OP posts:

hisgentletouch · 20/02/2012 23:00

now the other woman is chasing, he's in touch with you as you've just stopped chasing! tiresome! don't be tempted!

Original poster

iofficiallygiveup · 20/02/2012 23:03

I am tempted to text "Piss Off" and nothing else .

OP posts:

hisgentletouch · 20/02/2012 23:07

yes, do that! exactly what he deserves, immature annoying arse!

perceptionreality · 20/02/2012 23:13

yes I would text that - what a tw*t you can do much better.

AbbyAbsinthe · 21/02/2012 20:02

What's happened? Any update?

Original poster

iofficiallygiveup · 21/02/2012 21:05

Fair few messages today one with an unprompted explanation of having gone away for the weekend and it being a last minute arrangement. So now I am because I can certainly see how that would happen and would of course have no problem with it, why would I? He seemed keen to explain himself, although I didn't ask.

OP posts:

AbbyAbsinthe · 21/02/2012 21:43

Oh god, I really don't know how you should play it. But who did he go away for the weekend with? And why is she messaging him saying thanks for the weekend?

Original poster

iofficiallygiveup · 21/02/2012 21:47

He says it was a big group of mates. He has not mentioned her specifically.

OP posts:

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