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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Shall I contact or text?

156 replies

iofficiallygiveup · 17/02/2012 18:29

I have been seeing someone for a couple of months, we had a chat about whether we were going to be exclusive and both said we would think about it, there is a few complications, I have dc, he doesnt and obviously I can't always be available for nights out etc.

Anyway last night was one such night, he went out and I had a little look at his FB (I know, I know Blush. On there around 10.00 pm he made friends with a woman and she immediately left a VERY flirty message. I did not hear from him all evening and have not heard from him today, this is very unsual for us as we are constantly texting and chatting.

So I think I have been dumped haven't I? My mate says ring him but I really don't want to to be honest, it seems he is just one of those that moves on without a word and I feel it is keeping my dignity to just retire in silence and dignity. So what do you all think?

OP posts:
something2say · 19/02/2012 17:22

I just read this while page thinking he had done something!!!!! And he still hasn't!!

shakes fist at page Total waste of even MY time now!!

Question now is - what are you cooking tonight OP? and - have you got any interests elsewhere?

Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 19/02/2012 17:25

Yep I'm going for a 15 km run in about 5 minutes. Just waiting for my childcare to arrive. Then I will begin my next OU essay due on 6th March that should have been started well before now Grin!

OP posts:
lifechanger · 19/02/2012 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrystalsAreCool · 19/02/2012 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AbbyAbsinthe · 19/02/2012 20:14

Yeah, but sgb - you have to be honest! If he wasn't into her, then it just shows a lack of bollocks to fade out. That's what I would be angry about. Nobody likes dumping someone, but we all have to suck it up and get on with it! He's a coward.

Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 19/02/2012 21:31

crystals doing two courses Discovering Psychology, that's the one the TMA is for and also just realised I have an ICMA due on Thursday for the other one, so loads of work to do this week.

Yes the being dumped stings but not nearly so much as the fading out and the fact that he must KNOW I will see that message and that is how I will know I am dumped. That actually seems a bit nasty to me and I'm not sure why. THAT'S what I am dwelling on not the actually being dumped.

Anyway with the amount of work I now have to do this week it's a blessing in disguise really. Screw him.

OP posts:
Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 20/02/2012 08:26

Well, well Happy Birthday text with a question asking if I have any plans?

What now? Haven't replied.

OP posts:
Sandinmyshoes · 20/02/2012 08:46

If he's a mutual friend and you want to be civil you could just say "Thanks" and then a one liner about what your plans are... ie "cake and celebrating with the DC" or similar. Polite, ambiguous and not needy. Not replying maaay seem like you're sulking a bit.

fuzzywuzzy · 20/02/2012 08:52

I'd just reply thanx, and not bother elaborating on my plans.

If he wants to speak to you, he can call you and you know, talk!

And happy birthday, I hope you have an fab day Smile

fluffylegs · 20/02/2012 09:26

Yes something like 'thanks I am doing this that and this'
no questions, no leads

So predictable that he is sniffing around already

happy birthday!

HotBurrito1 · 20/02/2012 09:40

Happy birthday!

I'd just say "Thanks."

Don't spend any more time on this fella. Have fun today Grin

Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 20/02/2012 10:58

Ok, going to say "Thanks, having lunch with DC, dinner and cocktails tonight". He has put xxx on his and I normally would too but I think not this time, it will be obvious though. I'm not sure why he bothered really.

OP posts:
daylily · 20/02/2012 11:01

He's keeping you on the back burner isn't he! I wouldn't get into a text conversation with him.

FuckUAndTheHorseURodeInOn · 20/02/2012 11:11

Why respond?

No answer is his answer

Just delete from FB, don't respond to his texts and leave it at that.

Don't let him pick you up and put you down

BelieveInPink · 20/02/2012 11:31

I'm so confused.

How do you know he's not sat at home doing the exact same thing you are? He thinks you've gone cold, he thinks you've thought about the last conversation you had and don't want a relationship. It's a dangerous game to play if you both don't contact the other because you're not sure what the other is thinking. If one of you had swallowed your pride you might be in a different situation now.

Or that could be total bollocks and he is just a cock. :-)

Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 20/02/2012 11:32

That's how I feel actually. It's been a rough couple of days though I know it's not cool to say so but the worst is over now and don't particularly want to be back here again in a couple of weeks.

OP posts:
Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 20/02/2012 11:35

But believeinpink that isn't what happened we were exchanging messages and calls for two days after THAT convo and they just stopped as soon as that girl left the message and I didn't hear another word from him until this morning, my birthday, which makes me think he doesn't want to be perceived as a total arse for not even bothering to acknowledge my birthday.

I am Confused.

OP posts:
perceptionreality · 20/02/2012 11:48

I don't agree with what everyone on this thread has posted. I do not think he will delete you from facebook and I also think there is no reason to believe the flirty comment on his wall means anything either.

Most likely, he's an insecure idiot who needs various women to be running after him so that he feels desirable.

If he was really worth the time of day and wanted to be with just you then he wouldn't care that you can't go out a lot (unless he's a teenager - how old is he by the way??)

perceptionreality · 20/02/2012 11:51

He may be messing about trying to make you jealous. Some men do this, sadly. A boyfriend of mine used to try to make me as jealous as possible to prove I really wanted him.

Comments that people write on walls are indicative of a relationship that is not close - people I'm close to I converse with through private messaging only.

CrystalsAreCool · 20/02/2012 13:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WinkyWinkola · 20/02/2012 13:40

Don't reply. If you reply, it means you want to have involvement with him.

elastamum · 20/02/2012 14:08

It is horrible when men do this, but do yourself a favour and ignore him. He has told you everything you need to know about the kind of person he really is and you have had a lucky escape. Delete him from FB, phone etc and just move on.

You deserve better than this and when you meet the right man he will treat you much better than this.

Happy birthday! Wine Thanks

sandyboots · 20/02/2012 14:16

I'd just say 'thanks' or maybe thanks x and leave it there. In case you want to pick it up later Wink

happy birthday Smile [box of chocs emoticon]

Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 20/02/2012 16:23

Well I just sent the message I said I would and got one back within minutes with a big old description of his weekend and how tired he is Hmm.

I find I don't care anymore, apart from mild curiosity as to what he is playing at?

Thanks for the birthday wishes, am having a lovely day Grin.

OP posts:
LiarsWife · 20/02/2012 16:32

Happy Birthday!! Thanks