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Original poster

Shall I contact or text?

156 replies

iofficiallygiveup · 17/02/2012 18:29

I have been seeing someone for a couple of months, we had a chat about whether we were going to be exclusive and both said we would think about it, there is a few complications, I have dc, he doesnt and obviously I can't always be available for nights out etc.

Anyway last night was one such night, he went out and I had a little look at his FB (I know, I know Blush. On there around 10.00 pm he made friends with a woman and she immediately left a VERY flirty message. I did not hear from him all evening and have not heard from him today, this is very unsual for us as we are constantly texting and chatting.

So I think I have been dumped haven't I? My mate says ring him but I really don't want to to be honest, it seems he is just one of those that moves on without a word and I feel it is keeping my dignity to just retire in silence and dignity. So what do you all think?

OP posts:
AdLibitum · 21/02/2012 21:50

Hmm.Even I have to admit "Thanks for the weekend" appears a bit damning!!
Unless he moved some heavy furniture for her!! Grin
Text back "Saw your facebook" WTF?

AdLibitum · 21/02/2012 21:52

But he can still text you on a weekend away unless he was in the arctic circle or similar.

Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 21/02/2012 21:57

I honestly don't know. His explanation was quite detailed, like he wanted to make sure I understood what happened.

Before now I wouldn't have said he was the type to mess around and would be up front if he wanted to not see me anymore but I really do think there was an element of interest in someone else and he pursued it and maybe found that he didn't like her after all.

I'm not sure how I feel about that, we are NOT exclusive (well I am) and he is entitled to be interested in whoever he wishes but it's such a grey area at the moment. I don't want to be wondering if this is going to happen again.

OP posts:
Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 21/02/2012 21:59

Yes and why no text or contact whatsoever for three days. Obviously completely out of sight, out of mind.

OP posts:
JesusHatesYou · 21/02/2012 22:03

Don't settle for being an 'option'. You're worth more than that.

AdLibitum · 21/02/2012 22:14

Well, I guess it depends how pissed off you feel about this, given that he had not said he wanted to be exclusive with you when you had the conversation.

I think you do need to say that you are aware of fb girl though, otherwise he has no idea what has really upset you.

See what he says.

Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 21/02/2012 22:15

Yes, thanks, that's clarified things actually. He is not an "option" to me or wasn't anyway. I had other offers but didn't pursue them because I liked him. Maybe I should do now.

OP posts:
Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 21/02/2012 22:19

I certainly won't be having any truck with convos where he requests I don't see other people! I will back right off now.

If I mention this girl I will do it when and if I see him again. Not feeling inclined towards that ATM though.

OP posts:
AdLibitum · 21/02/2012 22:30

Well, that seems reasonable.

Only workable if you are both happy being 'options'.

I have tried the "maybe I should see other people as well then" approach but it doesn't work because I can't do it until I have extricated myself from the one I am already sleeping with/attached to.

Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 21/02/2012 22:41

I'm the same. I don't tend to be able to like more than one person at a time however sad that makes me.

I don't want to be in a position where he does what he wants because "we are not exclusive" but I can't because I like him too much. Maybe headed that way really if I am being honest. Probably best to drop it now I suppose.

OP posts:
AdLibitum · 21/02/2012 22:50

Mmm..
If you are not sure then you still haven't lost anything by being open with him about your thoughts - nowhere is there a law about it being unacceptable to tell someone how you feel, even if they turn out to be a nob, you have behaved well. You have been seeing him regularly for quite a few months haven't you?

No need to make a decision immediately.

CuriousMama · 21/02/2012 23:01

Sorry but he should've been in contact, he was only away. But you know he's lying about at least part of it. He's a player. Needs his ego massaging constantly and knows how to do it. Enjoys the game.

I know how it feels especially him being the first but please don't take this croc of shit. Unless you can cope with never trusting him? Or just being casual?

hisgentletouch · 21/02/2012 23:02

if he's so easily pursuaded to try new offers, it's not worth it for you, as you like him a lot. He's backtracking now after the new girl didn't turn out to be suitable. Ask him why on earth didn't he tell you he was going away, and that you know he's not being straight with you. He just thinks he can talk you around - allow that and he'll do it again, knowing you are too willing to get him back.

Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 21/02/2012 23:02

I will be able to when I see him. We can talk about anything really, in person and it's never awkward. Somehow it's much harder by phone, message etc. I'll tell him how I felt this weekend and what I think and see what he says. Nothing to lose really at this stage.

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 21/02/2012 23:02

And did you say he's only just told you you're beautiful? How old is he, the part saying 'and my mates say so too' rings of youth to me?

Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 21/02/2012 23:04

I think he should have been in contact too and as he wasn't that's why I think he had a passing interest in someone else.

I can't see him for a bit now anyway so hopefully I can sort things out in my mind with the help of MN Grin.

OP posts:
hisgentletouch · 21/02/2012 23:04

he's obv immature and needs time to grow out of the playing field. You'd need a patience of a saint if you wanted to wait!

Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 21/02/2012 23:06

Early thirties. He said in response to me saying I needed to put more make up on before we went out, he said I didn't need to and then about me being beautiful.

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 21/02/2012 23:13

Yes men don't like too much make up. I can understand that tbh, I wouldn't want it all over me when we snogged Grin

Oh well it's up to you what you do but don't give up on future dates just because he has no manners. I had one like this and he drove me nuts!! He was much older than him too but obviously not quite right in the heard. I had met him on the net though but I really don't think it makes much difference. There are guys out there who are honest and not players. Just not as many as there are good women, sadly.

Please don't let him play you though. They have a good way of convincing you that you're special.

CuriousMama · 21/02/2012 23:14

heard??? I meant head of course!! Tis late and I should be in bed.

AbbyAbsinthe · 21/02/2012 23:43

Hmmm. I really do understand why you're confused!

But - trust your instincts.

I'm always banging on about this, but have you seen He's Just Not That Into You? I thought it was a lame chick flick, but it really isn't, and there is some serious truth in that film!

If you had gone away for the weekend suddenly, would you still have contacted him while you were away? Of course you would have, because you like him, and the contact had been constant and regular.

So why didn't he contact you? He just dropped off the face of the earth for a couple of days - and whilst there's nothing wrong with being off doing your own thing, especially when you've just started seeing each other - he didn't think of you enough to contact you.

Either that or he's playing games. It has to be one or the other. And who needs that?

To my mind, when you're with someone right for you, there is none of this insecurity and worry. They do what they say they're going to, with none of the dicking about.

I feel for you - confusion in a relationship is hateful. So don't set yourself up for more of it.

CrystalsAreCool · 22/02/2012 06:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoingForGoalWeight · 22/02/2012 09:28

Bleurgh, he's an impolite, headfuckery, playing, lying shit.

Original poster
iofficiallygiveup · 22/02/2012 10:39

Yes, I don't this has any mileage to be honest having slept on it. You are right crystals that message would have been very easy to send wouldn't it? I think he was interested in this girl, she didn't live up to expectations and so he decided to pick it back up with me. Had she kept him interested I doubt I would have heard from him again.

Going to leave it there I think.

OP posts:
Yousaidwhattt · 22/02/2012 11:23

I don't see what he's done wrong honestly. He went away for a weekend. The relationship wasn't exclusive.

In the minefield of dating, especially Internet dating. It's possible and common to date or see several people over a few months, before finally committing to exclusivity if that's what you want. Making sure, so to speak.

Also not texting someone for a day or two, if you are just seeing each other. Isn't earth shattering either.