So he kissed a girl....

[MomentarilyLost]

I started a thread about discovering my husband sending dirty emails to women and then going on to discover he had signed up to dating sites, singles chat rooms and had a secret facebook account.

All this has been going on during office hours.

So through means I am not proud of I have had the confirmation he has been sleeping with someone for two years. Another girl has told me they met and kissed.

I feel sick.

I feel stupid I didnt see this coming.

and do you know what..? the bastard still denies it.

I dont know how I will get through these coming days?

My poor children, I can barely talk at the minute

Any advice on how to pull myself together would be greatly received

All sounds very normal ML. Give it time. I'm sure you are beautiful and worthy of love but right now you need to focus on healing. He is a prize twunt, really he is.

Normal feelings to have when you have been through what you have I mean! Be kind to yourself!

Oh my all hell just broke out. Had all 3 dc up, one coughing and spluttering and the other 2 tantruming.

I have just finished settling my youngest ds and do you know what they are so worth whatever has become of my body.

Thank you guys, coming on here has hearing your reassurance has helped alot x

Glad you are feeling a little better. When I felt bad I used to kidnap a sleeping child into my bed for cuddles and love.

has hearing? and... innit

I have decided now is not the best time to stop the co sleeping :)

having pc problems this evening, ML, so can't type much

my trusty laptop died on me < sob >

glad to see you have an appt

try not to beat yourself about decisions that made sense in the moment, hindsight is a very hard taskmaster !

ML, listen up:

I have been where you are now. exH did the whole suicide threat thing, the pleading, the anger when the puppy eyes failed to move me. The anger returned, and remained. He is trying out different performances on you, to see what effect he will achieve. I found nothing more alienating than the suicide threats he made. They left me cold. From his pov it all backfired as badly as it could have, but of course being so completely self centered, it didn't dawn on him that that could happen. This made his anger all the hotter when he saw his efforts coming to nothing.

If you are able to keep him from contact with the children you will all be far better off. The youngest two don't really want to see him. It is just that they are used to having him somewhere in their lives and even at this age they may feel responsible for the relationship. Don't worry about the effect on them of not seeing him. They will be better off without him, an unstable cokehead who can only count as far as one.

He is a danger to them and to you right now and for the foreseeable future. Please do not expose yourself or them to danger. He does not care at all about them and he does not care at all about you; inj fact he is actively trying to hurt you and punish you and he will use the children against you if he feels like it. He is indulging his pride and his spite against you via contact with the children. There is no love or feeling of responsibility there. He will manipulate them and overshare with them and tell them stuff about you, and put them in horrible danger driving like a maniac.

You will get through this. Protect your children emotionally and physically. Get some space between yourself and him in doing so. You won't know yourself when you have the headspace to devote to your own everyday problems. And you will notice a change in your children too though it won't be easy for any of you.

I don't know if Mind can help you but try to contact them. You are probably in the throes of post traumatic stress doldrums. Dealing with someone like your ex will exhaust and disorient you -- I am amazed you have held you so well for so long because he has put you all through the most horrible trauma.

Just had my appointment with the gp. I don't know what I expected to come of it but I didn't expect to come away feeling worse than I did all ready.

He gave me the forms to fill in to arrange counselling. And said there is a 3 month waiting list. But he didnt talk about ad's so I didnt ask.

I felt he was saying I just needed grip. Which I know already. And the weight loss and sleepless nights are normal.

It's like I have lost the ability to be proactive.

I sound such I miserable whiny moo and I hate it.

I guess it will just take time tis all. I know there are no quick fixes.

Thanks guys for taking the time to post x

See another doctor!!!!!

Maybe try and see a female doctor? Not every doctor has the same opinion - and sadly some do not really see things the way others would. Try again - it will be worth it :)

When I was in a similar situation my GP (woman) took one look at me & said, for a start you need some sleep! Please see a younger female partner!

oh no !

I bloody hate GP's like this !

Did they give you a number for the counselling ? It may be worth ringing them and saying you are willing to take a cancellation/be available at short notice/lay it on thick re. the urgency (which wouldn't be a lie...)

My doctor was also female, I sat there crying and shaking having also lost loads of weight and she took one look at me and prescribed ad's..

I said that I needed to be strong for my daughter and to be able to work and that I can't carry on sitting around crying every day and she suggested them as a short term fix to see me through the next few months.

There is usually a waiting list for counselling. You can go to Relate on your own but have to pay unless on certain benefits I think.

I would see a female doctor if you can

The funny thing is I got a phone call at the crack of dawn from the gp I talked about on the beginning of this thread. He had seen I was due in today and wanted to know if I could come in and see him instead. I just told him I couldn't. The thing is I know he would have given me a prescription for something,he had prescribed diazepam months ago which I never took. I don't even know if I want to go down the route of taking medication.

The female gp I saw a little while ago to get my std check made me feel like I was inconveniencing her. And when I tried to talk about the lack of sleep she wasn't very helpful either. I felt like I was taking up her time, and the appointment was already running late. I tried to book a double appointment but the surgery doesn't offer this. she said I would have to come back to discuss anything else.

Today I sat, I cried and tried explain what I was feeling. But I came out feeling worse. And like I just need to get a grip. But how?

All I know is my nerves are shot to pieces right now.

You need more RL support. Family ? Friends ? You sound like such a lovely person, you will be owed plenty of "talk time" I am sure.

Please don't think you will be bothering people. In the main, people are chuffed to be able to help in some small way.

AF and others are right.

Just read your thread and no wonder you are at the end of your tether.

Keep talking to receiving support from RL friends. They want to help.

Phone Samaritans or contact Mind for some non-judgemental support.

Maybe see if GP practice has someone with an interest in MH issues - some do.

Recommend 'Manage your mind' book by Tony Hope and Gillian Butler for sound science-based self help (cognitive behavioural).

I would also keep DCs away from ex ...

Sounds like he is a brewing dangerous, cocktail of narcissism and denial.

Keep taking it one day at a time.

Sending you a massive morale boosting hug. x

So sorry you still have not got the help you need - I would see another GP.

Tell them you need ADs and that you need to be able to take care of your children and function properly.

I hope you are talking to people in real life?

Feeling a lot brighter today :)

The sun is shining.

My DM and DF are visiting.

My little sis and her family have said they are coming to visit at the weekend.

Thank you so much to all who have posted over the last week or so, it has helped so much just being able to come on here and have my wobble.

I am sure I will have plenty more tears and I still have so much to go through and figure out. I will be licking my wounds for some time to come. I am going to take the rough with the smooth. If I feel everything getting on top of me again I will not hesitate getting back into the docs.

I need sleep, I need to start eating but when I feel like shit I know that is ok. Because I have been dragged through shit but this won't this break me.

If I see my ex messing with the dc and proving himself to be an unstable unsuitable father anymore,he won't know what the fuck has hit him. They are my priority. If I feel I need to shop contact, I will. I do hope it won't come to that though but I am ready to stand by it if I need to. He really won't know what has hit him and nor will he have a leg to stand on. I am done being nice and accommodating a relationship that could be detrimental to them in the long run.

Thank you to all who have listen, supported and advised through all of this. I don't know where I would be without you.

And AF I am lovely :) and I will not let what has happened to me change that!

Going to get on and work on my grounds for divorce. I have a list as long as my arm of unreasonable behavior. I am still getting free legal advice over the phone and will be starting proceedings soon. Also going to start planning something fab for my little sisters 30th birthday which is coming up soon. She has been wonderful through all this and I want to start giving back. Then me and my ds are going to start planting up some up of the 100 plus sunflowers we have growing

Cheers guys you rock!!! xx

Ps I don't swear quite as much in rl as I do on here

So please you feel a bit brighter today - please do look after yourself x

Cheers mad, and I will x

I don't swear this much in RL either

Glad you are feeling a bit brighter. Keep making sure you have something to look forward to, something to plan (you sound like a planner)

If your STBX dicks around with the kids in the car again, you know what to do. Don't be paralysed by old habits and assumptions, this man is not to be trusted now and possibly not even with his dc's. Time will tell.

Keep in touch (and this time don't wait until you are at thepoint of falling apart )

Your plan of action wrt the DCs and the ex should include calling the police if you see danger.

How are you love?