So he kissed a girl....

[MomentarilyLost]

I started a thread about discovering my husband sending dirty emails to women and then going on to discover he had signed up to dating sites, singles chat rooms and had a secret facebook account.

All this has been going on during office hours.

So through means I am not proud of I have had the confirmation he has been sleeping with someone for two years. Another girl has told me they met and kissed.

I feel sick.

I feel stupid I didnt see this coming.

and do you know what..? the bastard still denies it.

I dont know how I will get through these coming days?

My poor children, I can barely talk at the minute

Any advice on how to pull myself together would be greatly received

fear is horrible

knowledge is your friend

get back on the "entitledto" website/CAB and find out about every penny that is yours to claim

get the financials nailed down wrt child support from exP as soon as you can

ask family/friends for a loan if need be

You'll get through it cause you HAVE to.

And your husband is a duplicitous shite. What you thought you had, you didn't....not really. You have your dignity and your kids. That's a great start.

Hugs and

Thanks, Eliza

Going with the knowledge is power AF

Been crunching figures but it doesn't look good right now for me covering the short fall in the rent.

I have been on the phone to query the drop in housing allowances. Spoke with a lovely lady and she seems to think something wasn't right in the calculation and has referred it to an assesser. So I will have to wait it out and see what comes of it. Not comfortable with things being in the unknown. But not much I can about it for now.

Been having a look at some courses I would like to start also.

On a lighter note,over the weekend I found packets and packets of sunflower seeds that I had forgotten about. All different varieties,planted them up with the children. Wasnt sure if they would come to much as they were out of date, I wasn't sure they would be still be viable. But they have started to grow already. Could end with more sunflowers than I know what to do with. Made me smile anyway, I am a girl of simple pleasures really :)

Need a little rant,

Ex rang, he needed me to give him some details for something and we then talked arrangements for when he has the children on Saturday. I asked whether he would like them to spend the night, his reply was not this time because I am not to go making any dates with any guys. I just kind of laughed it off. But it is getting beyond a joke. What the fuck is his problem!

Hi been lurking but not posted. I think he's just trying to control you still by making sure you can't go out & enjoy yourself. My advice is ignore him & get a babysitter! Detach detach detach! Then have a good time

The thing is I am not seeing anyone and I don't intend to....yet!

I have to work harder at ignoring him. It's not easy though.

No I don't mean that you are seeing anyone, I just mean could you go out & have fun with friends despite what he thinks? It's none of his business!

I know. It's just something he needs to get over and fast. And and just need to close my ears to his issues

don't even dignify cracks like that with a response

or say "my private life is none of your concern" and then get the subject back to practical matters re the dc

if you want a wave-ya-knickers night out, bloody well have one

just don't ask him to "babysit" or he will find a way to fuck it up for you

I only asked about an over night stay for his benefit anyway and so the dc could have a little extra time with him.

I hate it when they are not around, my anxiety goes through the roof.

I won't offer again

Just ignore him. After what he did, he shouldn't even be allowed to text you never mind dictate your now single life to you.

Why is nothing simple with my idiot ex.

He came to pick the children up and didn't feel it was important to have our 4 year old ds in his car seat and then was going to drive off with his seat belt undone. As calmly as I could,I explained this wasn't happening, he needed to be in his seat and safely seated if he was going anywhere with him.

Then I get a phone call 15minutes later from my dd, my youngest was screaming in the background. She told me daddy had left them in the car to go to a shop and had been gone 10 minutes. I couldn't ring to find out what was going on as his phone was in the car. What the....

So I start singing songs on loud speaker and my youngest settles. In the middle of this I get a call on the land line from someone asking me what my position was in my stbxh company. I didn't have a clue what was going on and explained I didn't have a position.

Ex gets back to the car, says he had just tried to cash a cheque and I had messed it up because I didn't play along. Said he couldn't do anything with the kids because he had no money.And put the phone down.

I text to say he was not to put me in that position ever again. I said he could borrow a little money. I know to much of a mug for my own good but I knew how much the children wanted to see him. Why the hell he was trying to cash a cheque I don't know.

He then comes back to take me to get some cash out. Drives like a loon, I told him to calm down he was putting everyone in danger. He said he was fuming because I hadn't played along and it was all my fault he had no money to do anything with the children. I told him he should pull over and calm down. He did eventually stop driving like an idiot.

All I wanted to do was to take the children out of the car. I hadn't given him enough money for him to do what he wanted apparently, so he didn't know what to do. So I said maybe they should just come home with me, but the children wanted to see him of course. So I suggested he went to see his brother. I just wanted him to calm down and stop the flapping. Asked him to ring his brother, he then starts going on about how I had messed everything up again to his brother, let it wash over me. I don't want silly dramas played out in front of the kids.

He still has this tinsy hold over me that makes me feel like I am being unreasonably.

He is so unbelievable selfish. I can't believe he left the kids in the car. My eldest is 12 but she should never have been left to look after her brothers like that.

Twat!

I don't think you should let him take them again. He's clearly not safe to have them.

Don't let him get to you. You've been great. You have behaved responsibly and like an adult. Yes, this is all very difficult for you...but he has made it obvious in his behaviour that it is even harder for him. (if that's any consolation!)

He seems desperate for your attention - and like a child, if he can't get it by being nice, he will go the route of being demonstrative and childish, showing off at every opportunity.

Unfortunately, his poor behaviour is in front of the dc - most unacceptable. You can only continue being firm and fair with his contact for their sake...AND to demonstrate to him how a grown-up deals with problems. I wonder if the more mature and sensible you are, the more infuriated and annoyed with himself he becomes. He will be totally unable to blame you for anything wrong. You will always have the satisfaction of knowing that you did the right thing. Win/win for you!

So, well done...and keep it up!

I got in touch with my ex about his behavior when he last saw the dc and he didn't see anything wrong in what he did and there were no safety issues in his eyes.

I shouldn't be surprised that he doesn't get it. If its not bad enough that I now have to share my time with them I now feel I have to worry about whether they will be safe with him.

They are spending the day with him tomorrow. He is taking them to a jubilee party. I know there will be drink involved. It just makes me feel uncomfortable. He has been known to have a few to many at things like this but I was always around.

Had a busy couple of days. Been doing some reorganizing in the house. I have just come across some boxes of stuff from when we were planning our wedding. It has really upset me.I am struggling to stop the tears falling. I just feel so so sad. How did I get mixed up with someone who would end up hurting me so badly. I feel such an idiot for not see who really was.

My 4 year old ds has really stepped up his tantrums. He has always been a little temperamental but this is different, he seems full of anger and I am worried about him. I am struggling to know how to support him.

Feeling rather low to be honest and saddened by this sorry state of affairs :(

Ah honey you're bound to feel lost right now. Is there anything nice you can do got yourself to help you feel better?

I have had really bad pmt and I have recently stopped all breastfeeds for my youngest. Have been feeling really weepy, the stupidest of things sets me off in tears.

This mixed in with the shit my ex has given me is making me feel rather messy and lost again.

Going to attempt some baking with the dc. And try to stop feeling sorry for myself.

It's ok to feel sorry for yourself. In fact if you had no feelings that wouldn't be normal! Hormones don't help! When I got divorced (twice!) it was like a bereavement in a way. Grief for the happy future you thought you'd have. But believe it or not - you still will - it'll just be different. Meanwhile give yourself permission to wallow especially when alone & save your strength for dealing with ex.

ML- been lurking & not posting as nothing to add to the brilliant advice on here thus far.

One thought- wether or not your stbx's behaviour is a MH issue or not, his behaviour is erratic and disturbing the kids.

You have the right to stop contact- just pro tem. Not something I say lightly but your childrens welfare overides his needs.
Get your solicitor to write a letter. Don't have any contact with him,ignore the texts. When & if you do reinstate contact (which I sugest is at a contact centre) insist contact is via email only regarding the kids. Get another phone number & just keep the old one to store his texts but don't reply to them.

Log the incidents like the car and leaving the kids in the car. If he approaches the house ring the police, it will all add to evidence if this goes to court.

You are doing so well, but please don't feel he is entitled to your consideration, your childrens safety comes first and he is unstable, don't trust him.

Oh I don't know what to do about contact. I need to feel they always come first and are going to be safe. I will have to think on it. My confidences in him has gone.

Went for a slightly less messy version of fun than cooking and had a disco in the living room. Talked to my sister and said how I felt down and we ended up going round for tea. The children playing and messing about with there big cousin's in the little bit of sun we had. I really am so lucky to have such wonderful family.

Children all settled,I am sat blubbing while writing this, listening to music.poured myself a glass of wine. I feel so sad again. I am just going to let it out because what else can I do.

You deserve to be gentle with yourself. You've been very strong indeed, and it will do you good if you can relax - even if it means crying. You are not alone - so many of us are wishing you well, with lots of hugs. x

Recorded the jubilee concert. Watch Paul Mccartney. We went to watch him just before Christmas. Things to be thankful that came out of our relationship...my beautiful boys and an added appreciation for the Beatles.

Thank you again for the support. It really does mean so much x

ML -crying is cathartic, have a really good bawl & although its exhausting it does help you feel calmer the next day.

One step at a time, just look at things in small chunks & then its not so overwhelming.

I am really shaking and feeling rather alone.

Just had a phone call on my mobile. I thought I recognise the number. They asked who this was and I said you rang me. They said there name. It was his ow. I said you rang me, I think you know my husband. She put the phone down.

It has just sent me into a head spin. I just spoke to the woman who was fucking my husband. I have never spoken to her, just text. I don't know why she called and I don't know what to do with myself