I could do with some advice.
I met with some friends last night.
We had a good old chat, something that came out was my ex had been known to use prostitutes,before we met. This has shocked me considerably. It was news to me, he had told me that he had never done this. I am guessing this is the kind of man he always was. But why didn't I see this??? This is a man with no respect for women or himself, a man with so many flaws. I was to busy giving him the benefit of the doubt ,I failed to see the kind of man he really is. There was questionable behavior...I was suspicious that he could be using drugs on nights out but I was always being persuaded otherwise. He had been to strip clubs on a couple of works nights out. I talked about the utter lack of respect that showed for me,our marriage and for women, I thought he got it. I was such a fool,I felt like because I had addressed what ever issue that came up from him behaving like a fuckwit,it was ok to move on. I feel like I have mug written all over me. The picture I have building of my husband is making me feel really ill. And I am saddened by my stupidity.
I really don't want the end of this relationship lucky escape, to harden my heart. but one of the things I must take from this is,I need to stop making allowances totally inexcusable and disrespectful behavior.
How could I let myself believe in him.
Why did I allow myself to believe we had a loving relationship.
God I am such an idiot
It was great to hear my friends take on my stbxh supposed break down. she saw him a few days after we split when they were out in a group. She saw through it but also saw how he was playing everybody else who was there and he was getting the sympathy. Part of the reason she saw through his show was because she had been in my shoes. My friend was telling me about her ex and I was open mouthed at the similarities in our ex's character...and there was the...Infidelity, drink and drug use, manipulation, suicide attempts.. the list goes on.
I suppose now I have been there I hopefully will see the warning signs... I hope.
I can't help feeling a total mug now though. I made allowances for things that I never should have.
Is it possible to see this in someone's character early on? I really didn't but may be I was missing something.
I am beginning to feel like there is something wrong with me. I should have seen this surely?!
I have had so many unanswered question rolling round my head already this week (ow phone call) and with this revelation about the prostitutes it has sent me into another yet another head spin. I need to find a way to lay this to rest and focus on more important thing, like making sure I am able to protect myself from falling for this kind of man again and getting my life back on track.
Would counselling really help with what I am dealing with now?
I must sound like such a child 