Cannot believe what dp has just asked me

[nutcracker]

Howcome, I won't wear thongs for him but wore one to work the other night ?

For christ sakes, so now he is checking what knickers I wore to work

I wear what ever bloody knickers I pull out of the drawer, I don't save certain ones for certain people, for christs sake.

He obviously thinks I have a quick fumble in the broom cupboard or something.

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I don't actually know what it is that is stopping me other than that I know he will make it so hard.

I want to be properly ready though if you know what i mean, money wise etc, and so need to sit down and work a few things out first, and make some enquiries.

I am pretty sure for example that he could get a 2 bed flat on this estate because he would have the kids stay with him (hopefully), but i want to check all this out so that I have the facts before I tell him.

Am off to bed now as have a banging headache.

Thanks again for all the advice, you are all stars.

Domestic violence encompasses physical, emotional and financial abuse. The way you are being treated comes under emotional abuse. Speak to your local women's aid people. See what help they can give you. Speak to the housing officer regarding getting the tenancy transferred into your sole name as a result of this abuse.

"I understand why he is frightened, his ex left him for another man, I get that. Why can't he get that he is pushing our relationship the same way".

He's not frightened - that's an excuse for him on your part. Stop making excuses for his behaviour!!.

The ex wife leaving him is just as excuse to justify his controlling behaviour. There's always an excuse - he's always been controlling. If you were able to speak to his ex wife (not suggesting you do this mind) I am certain she would not be surprised to hear how he's behaving now. He cannot and more importantly will not accept that he is in the wrong here.

You're not married to him - it may be easier than you think to get rid of him from your home. He will I think make it difficult for you - controlling men don't like to let go of their victims. You need to carefully plan your way out of this mess here. You do have the strength within you to do this y'know - you need to have faith in yourself. Ultimately the only one who will stop you is you.

Re his access to children I would suggest you go down the legal route here, no informal agreements of any sort. Then if he breaks that agreement you have more of a case against him.

His ultimate ideal of a life for you is to keep you locked in a gilded cage.

nutty- Women's Aid helpline 0808 2000 247

website www.womensaid.org.uk

everything you are worried about, they will of heard before.

He is abusing you- he is making your life shit, you dont have to be up A&E every weekend to be suffering abuse.

give them a call nutty, tell them your concerns about getting him out. there is help, you just have to find it!

nutcracker, you might not welcome me butting into this conversation but I was in a similar situation, my xp used to check the laundry basket after i had been out to see what I had worn if he was not there, he accused me of sleeping with the two guys at work, when I am not sure as I was either at work, or with him so must have been in my lunchhour in the grounds. I was worried about us splitting up and once he was actually gone felt like there was a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I think as the others do that you should go to the CAB I have found them really helpful and you will probably not have to leave the house as you will have parental responsability. My daughter who is six now has actually said recently that she is glad her dad doesn't live here anymore and she is alot happier, she doesn't see her dad anyway(his choice) everything will be fine you just need to work out a plan of action.
It wasn't until I was on my own that I realised how controlling my xp had been, there are other far worse incidents I could mention but wont, he was basically a very insecure individual.
I hope you get sorted, Amanda x