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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cannot believe what dp has just asked me

182 replies

nutcracker · 25/01/2006 13:51

Howcome, I won't wear thongs for him but wore one to work the other night ?

For christ sakes, so now he is checking what knickers I wore to work

I wear what ever bloody knickers I pull out of the drawer, I don't save certain ones for certain people, for christs sake.

He obviously thinks I have a quick fumble in the broom cupboard or something.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 28/01/2006 14:53

Only into Sutton, but I don't mind, would rather not go to town really. Plus i may bump into someone I know in Sutton

OP posts:
tiredemma · 28/01/2006 14:54

no disappearing into the disabled toilets with boys!!!! cctv remember!

Original poster
nutcracker · 28/01/2006 14:55

ROFL, thanks for the tip

OP posts:
tiredemma · 28/01/2006 14:56

make sure you have a good time- and if you dont go- i will be round yours on saturday morning with a body-bag to take that miserable old sod off to the tip!

have a good one!!

Original poster
nutcracker · 28/01/2006 14:57

thanks

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/01/2006 15:11

How old is this man?

I'm continually astonished at the maturity level of a lot of these 'partners', especially considering they're all fathers.

charliecat · 28/01/2006 15:13

Have you ever told him how awful his behaviour is?

Original poster
nutcracker · 28/01/2006 22:45

He is 48 and tonight he managed to mortify me even though I was at work.

Had been on the shop floor for about 5 minutes when they asked me over the tannoy to go to the help desk. When I got there they said dp had called saying there was an emergency and for me to call asap. All the phones were being used so I ran down to my locker to use my mobile. However it wouldn't work, so I ran back up to the help desk.
When I got there the woman who works on it was on the phone and looked harrassed. To my horror she said 'she's heer', and passed me the phone.
The emergency was that the gas had run out, and although we had emergency credit, you need the card and I had it with me.
Dp ranted and raved at me about it asking me what I was going to do. He guessed from my answrs that i was surrounded by collegues and customers but carried on. I just had to stand there saying yes and no.
When he eventually hung up, i went to walk off and the woman who had passed me the phone said that dp had been really rude and agressive to her on the phone and so I aplogised.

We have just had an arguemnt about it, and I give up. He insists he wasn't rude, but I don't beleive him. If he spoke to her any where near like how he spoke to me then no wonder she was offended.

Our argument included me telling him how I was pissed off at being treated like a peice of meat, not being trusted, him trying to control me etc etc.

His arguement is that he is frightened he will lose me.

Why can't he see, he lost me ages ago.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 28/01/2006 22:54

Heed the advice. Really. Get out whilst you still can. I do not want to see you on here a year from now still going on about what this guy has done next. The longer you stay the harder it will be. Bloody well go whilst you still have a bit about you!

Original poster
nutcracker · 28/01/2006 22:55

I can't go anywhere.

OP posts:
alexsmum · 28/01/2006 22:57

you can if you want to badly enough.
is this really how you want the rest of your life to be?

Rhubarb · 28/01/2006 22:58

Then change the locks and get him to sling his hook. You are still young enough to get a great deal out of life, don't let him stand in your way.

Original poster
nutcracker · 28/01/2006 22:59

His name is on the tenancy too though so i can't just change the locks can i.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/01/2006 22:59

'His arguement is that he is frightened he will lose me. '

He's 48 and acting like that?

Nah, honey, nah.

Time to start making plans.

Rhubarb · 28/01/2006 23:00

Yup.

expatinscotland · 28/01/2006 23:00

Honey, you can go anywhere you set your mind to. TRUST ME, I'm living proof of that.

Original poster
nutcracker · 28/01/2006 23:01

God my head hurts.

I understand why he is frightened, his ex left him for another man, I ge that. Why can't he get that he is pushing our relationship the same way.

Pushed even.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 28/01/2006 23:02

I don't want to go anywhere, I fought like a mad woman for this house for me and my kids.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 28/01/2006 23:05

My dh had girlfriends that left him for other men too. One went to the toilet in a pub and never returned. The other, the first love of his life, shagged others left right and centre and then lastly got off with his own brother! But he doesn't treat me like this. Sure, he was a bit paranoid at first, but now he trusts me 100%. If your man is still like this, no excuse is a good one, it's just the way he is. Have a word with your landlords, do what you have to to get your life back.

sobernow · 28/01/2006 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 28/01/2006 23:05

You're not his ex, he's old enough to realise that. Why do you feel you should pay for HIS emotional baggage?

As for the house, have you seen a housing officer??

Original poster
nutcracker · 28/01/2006 23:07

Haven't seen a housing officer no. Might ring up and speak to one next week.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/01/2006 23:09

It can't hurt. Time is on your side, nutty.

alexsmum · 28/01/2006 23:10

do you still love him nutty?
if so , then get relationship counselling and work through things but if, as it sounds you don't anymore, then you have tell him and get him to leave. you're worth more than this.

fairydust · 28/01/2006 23:10

nutyy we both know hell will have to freeze over before he leaves

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