To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

[JamRagRolyPoly]

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' .

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

CF I didn't say the OP was a jailer, but this idea that she had any right whatsoever to stop him going anywhere is a joke.

Swap the him for her and try and tell me this thread would my be of a very different tone.

Thats exactly why it would be my business, so I can leave him if he has turned into the type of twat who gives money to the sex industry. I don't micro manage him at all, but I have a right to know things like that, same as he would have a right to know if I suddenly decided to vote tory. Some things make you see a person in a whole new light, and hiding these things is a fundamental lie.

A mutual fair partnership is based on trust, and if one of us changes our minds on something like this, the other has a right to know. It has nothing to do with being his mother or his jailer, and I find that idea juvenile.

I don't really understand your point Jane, are you saying the only way to know someone is to check their text messages and then send friends messages in order to try and prove they are lying?

I'm all for trusting our instincts to a point antsypants but I for one would not leave my marriage on the strength of a hunch.

If I had a 'hunch' that something was a miss I would look into it before I acted.
To do otherwise would be reckless and stupid.
(IMO)

Blimey I don't think I'd want to know everything about dp and him me. But you do want to know their morality. Sometimes during a relationship we can get shocks. I know I have but he was dumped. Luckily I had no ties to him.

Paranoid, surely you would be able to check those moral changes with a conversation rather than trying to sanction the possibility of a change in behaviour by refusing someone their basic right to some space and privacy in advance?

not as a general practice, but if i thought my partner was lying about something i felt very strongly against, i would do the same.

it's a pretty low thing to have to stoop to doing tbh, but since the OP has found out she WAS being lied to, the moral ground is all hers IMO

what are you talking about? OP asked him in a conversation, he lied, so she went further. Not something I would have done but he deserved it for lying.

What does "trying to sanction the possibility of a change in behaviour by refusing someone their basic right to some space and privacy in advance?" even mean?

yes, antsy, people lie

but we are talking about this man, in this OP

it must be very upsetting for the Op of threads like this, when people wade in with their "in my an ideal world, you should do this, this and this just like what perfect me does- )

she knows whe did wrong to snoop, but you know what...the end justifies the means for me here in this situation

why can't people simply support the OP, in her particular situation ?

her liar of a partner hasn't posted for support here, she has

To those who don't believe me, I couldn't care less.

Currently locked myself in my bedroom, completely beside myself. I'm so upset and shocked. Looked up the club fully NUDE. I can't believe I was waiting up for him while he had other women's privates in his face. I don't believe any of you who say you'd be finie with that.

I was sitting on sofa with him, and just blurted it out, he admitted and I ran into bedroom, he came after me saying he lied because he didn't want to upset me and didn't know how I'd react.

The strip club is one thing but lying...

I cannot believe my 'lovely' sweet DP whom I'm fucking ttc with!! Is in a strip club.

Sorry haven't read all replies

I agree antsypants, that the OP has no right whatsoever to stop her DP (or anyone else for that matter) going to a legal strip club.

The op has at no point said that she would stop him going, just that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who goes to strip clubs.

She has every right to have her standards as do we all.

I think a grown man has every right to decide where he goes.

I also think that a couple shouldn't lie to each other. However, there's more than a fair chance that he lied to spare the OP's feelings.

Maybe it was a one off? Most men would be curious about seeing the inside of a strip club.

You need to chat to him, apologise for going through his phone, apolgise for texting his friend and ask if this is a regular thing or just a one off.

He may feel shit and ashamed of going. Or terrified of hurting you. Ask him.

I told him I was feeling that crazy and insecure that I texted his friend and he shrugged and said now you know the truth.

Tried to spin the old bollocks about all men going, 'it's only a strip club' I said I dont agree with it, see it as cheating, how would he like it etc

I think you would just drive yourself nuts if you were of a mind to stalk your partner throughout your relationship, I'm by excusing the OP's partner, he sounds like a lying twat, but just because he is one, it doesn't legitimise her behaviour.

legality is not the barometer of morality, unless you have the iq of a potato.

What?

An adult goes to places he ALREADY knows his long term partner has serious objections to, lies to her face when asked about it and SHE should apologise?

For real?

Jam DS's father is a terrible liar. Will just do it all the time. It caused terrible trust issues in our relationship.
Even now he blatantly lies all the time and we haven't been together for almost 10 years!!!

There's nothing wrong with strip clubs. I've been, mostly cracking bodies and pig ugly faces imo (sorry if I offend any strippers here).

You need to get over your issues if you want any relationship to work.

You need to decide if its the lies or the strip club you hate most.

You also need to decide if you love DP enough to trust him to go because he will go and would you rather have him go and lie to you about it? because I know which I'd prefer.

You know you shouldn't have sent the message but now you know you can find out where to go from here.

Strip clubs aren't brothels btw Xx

I need to apologise incredible ?! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

thanks for making me laugh through the tears

some people here need to learn the phrase "in my opinion". Because it may be your opinion that there is nothing wrong with strip clubs, but it isn;t mine, and you can't make a statement of fact.

You post in AIBU you are asking a question, I am expressing my opinion, same as the rest of you, and I think everyone is accountable for their behaviour including the OP.

DO NOT APOLOGISE!!!!

FightRisk - she may prefer not to be in a relationship with him at all if he can't decide she's more important to him than going to strip clubs - why should Jam decide if she's rather he lied or told her and him do nothing to maintain the relationship?