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Original poster

To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

907 replies

JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 13:48

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' Hmm.

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

OP posts:
TheParanoidAndroid · 11/02/2012 14:22

The idea that a woman has no business knowing where her partner goes to on a night out is ludicrous. Its entirely my business if my partner goes to strip clubs, because it says an awful lot about him as a person. And it also means /i no longer want to be in a relationship with him.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 11/02/2012 14:22

Oh :(

What are the 'questionable' things he's done in the past?

How long have you been together? Do you have kids together?

GossipMonger · 11/02/2012 14:23

Is he cross at what you did?

I would be mortified if DH went to strip clubs but then I know 100% he never would.

Am Sad for you.

What happens now?

AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 14:23

why the "if this is true" insinuations ? Confused

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2012 14:23

I agree with Moveslikejagger

Time to bow out of the thread methinks....

ilovesooty · 11/02/2012 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

OkayGrrl · 11/02/2012 14:23

I think you were both in the wrong, him for lying to you and you for go through his phone.

Relationships with trust issues are a PITA.

antsypants · 11/02/2012 14:24

If you are in a relationship with someone who is a liar and you have issues which cause you to become suspicious and paranoid then you need to end it, there is no way of being happy...

Take some time to yourself OP, learn to trust and hopefully you will find someone more open and honest who you will be able to respond to likewise

ShineYourButtonsWithBrasso · 11/02/2012 14:24

What Chipping asked.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 11/02/2012 14:25

'I text your mate x to see if you went to the club'
'You had no right to do that, I did go and I'm fed up of this'

Less than a minute. No reason not to believe the OP, but if you don't - feel free to go and post on other threads.

redbunnyfruitcake · 11/02/2012 14:25

Having read the entire thread it sounds like the OP had an intuitive feeling about this and followed it up in the only way she thought she would get the truth. Although not the best way to handle the situation she was proved right and I guess at least now she knows. Personally strip clubs and lying about them are a deal breaker for me so as long as he knew that in advance then he deserves what he gets now. I'm sorry for the OP though as she got a bit of bashing on here which was quite unnecessary.

AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 14:26

precisely, chipping

I quite often have convo's with DH while I am MN'ing

I can't see why this thread is any less believeable than about a hundred others

Moveslikejagger · 11/02/2012 14:26

That's exactly what I'm going to do Chipping, thanks for the permission. As you were..

CuriousMama · 11/02/2012 14:26

It's probably your gut instinct telling you that you knew he was lying and that is a reason for doing it. Not saying it's right or wrong but this really doesn't sound a healthy adult relationship. How old is he?

I'd be more outraged at the cost of these places plus the seediness of it. I have no problem with my dp looking at other women but it's the lying I couldn't deal with. Plus he's disrespecting you as he knows you hate it.

GossipMonger · 11/02/2012 14:27

Things can happen in seconds so I do believe the OP...........

cluffyfunt · 11/02/2012 14:27

Poor you Sad

What AF said.

This is your life and only you know what you find acceptable.

If others are fine with the sex trade, then thats up to them (but they're WRONG Wink ).

Your 'D'p put his want for faceless, paid for depravity above your feelings and was not man enough to be truthful about it.

What a prat.

antsypants · 11/02/2012 14:28

The paranoidandroid.

Why on earth would you feel it is your business to know where your partner is going? If you are morally opposed to strip clubs then surely you would have become involved in a relationship with someone with the same values?

Do you then think you have the right to micro manage his movements to ensure he has the right level of moral behaviour on his night out?

Or are you an equal partner and not a jailer or mother?

AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 14:28

redbunny, there are always posters waiting in the wings to give vulnerable women a bashing for daring to have a moral objection to excusing men their use of the sex industry

way to go....make a woman feel even shitter than she does already

oh, and then insinuate she's a liar

fabulous

AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 14:30

antsy a news flash for you

since you are proposing that in this ideal world of yours, you would only get involved with people who have the same moral values

men lie

antsypants · 11/02/2012 14:31

I think the objection has been to the behaviour of the OP not her objections to strip clubs.

I don't know why people are accusing her of being a liar though, ironic really given the tone of the thread

ilovesooty · 11/02/2012 14:32

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Message deleted by Mumsnet.

cluffyfunt · 11/02/2012 14:32

antsypants

People sometimes lie about their morals.

The op did not stop her Dp from going to the club so how is she a jailer?

antsypants · 11/02/2012 14:33

AF: people lie, it's not exclusive to men.

Such is life, all you can do is trust your instincts, not stalk your partner your entire relationship in case at some point he decides to do something you don't approve of.

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 11/02/2012 14:34

I'll admit I did something similar a few years ago. DP went for a night out, and something, some instinct told me to check his phone. I found a womans number :( When I asked him, he said that he had it for my brother as his battery had died. I didn't believe him, so texted her, pretending to be him. She replied, mentioning me and the DC, so I knew whoever she was, she did know about us. Me and DP had a row, and that was that.

A year later, he left me. 6 weeks after that he told me he had met someone else, turns out it was her. He denied that anything had happened when we were together, and I believe him.

2 years later, we are back together. :)

OP I can understand why you did it, I have too (although I couldn't give a flying monkeys if DP goes to strip clubs. I hope everything works out for you!

JaneMare · 11/02/2012 14:34

antsy

i've never met anyone, male or female, who has a full list of traits, foibles and/or positive affirmations to hand for the perusal of if by chance you imagine starting a relationship with them - how the heck is a person to get to know someone fully without actually finding out for themselves?