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Original poster

To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

907 replies

JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 13:48

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' Hmm.

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

OP posts:
Moveslikejagger · 11/02/2012 13:58

Again, you are assuming he went and he is lying, ergo you don't trust him. He clearly can't trust you not to be deceitful either.

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 13:58

No not yet. If my partner didn't like something and found it uncomfortable I would respect him and not do it

OP posts:
Coconutty · 11/02/2012 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cocobeefsteak · 11/02/2012 13:59

Worra "why shouldn't he go to a club of his choice because you have an issue with it?".

Because those sorts of clubs promote the idea that women are there for men's gratification and little else, that women's bodies are there to be bought, and that the sexes are grossly unequal. And they're tacky and expensive.

GravityDefier · 11/02/2012 13:59

I don't think it's unreasonable to not be ok with a partner going to strip clubs. Nothing to do with being controlling but with ones own limits on what's acceptable within the relationship.

I do however think the message crossed the line, sorry.

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2012 13:59

I don't tell him what to do at all, but I'm really not comfortable with strip clubs, naked women sitting on my partners lap and all the extras they do. I would like to know now if he does this and lies

Do you watch TV?

Town centers are full of drunken half naked women most weekends, who would drop their knickers and shag the nearest bloke to them in a shop doorway if it took their fancy.

Your DP has far more chances to be unfaithful to you by going to a 'normal' nightclub.

He's either going to keep it in his pants or he's not.

Only he can control that..not you.

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 14:00

I know i did a stupid thing in the heat of the moment, was really silly and wrong Sad I just cannot stand the thought of him going and lying.

Wish I didn't do it though

OP posts:
PeanutButterCupCake · 11/02/2012 14:00

YABU checking his phone and sending texts from it.
Too late to take it back now. Think you'll have some explaining to do later when his friend texts him back.

thisisyesterday · 11/02/2012 14:01

she isn't trying to control where he goes though is she? she's trying to find out if he has been there and if he has lied about it.

i don't think it's unreasonable at all.

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2012 14:01

coco he's a grown man who can make that choice for himself.

Moveslikejagger · 11/02/2012 14:02

Agreed Worra he'll either be faithful or he won't. Going to a strip club does not make him unfaithful (though perhaps tacky, but that's my opinion) any more than going to a 'normal' pub or club means he is faithful.

thisisyesterday · 11/02/2012 14:02

so worra, no-one should take their partners feelings into consideration?
you'd be fine if your partner went out to strip clubs and then lied about it, cos it's up to them?
nice

cluffyfunt · 11/02/2012 14:03

I think its bloody fair enough to demand that ones DP stays out of strip clubs.

I'm not so insecure that I have to pretend to be a 'cool wifey'.

Men (and sometimes women) go to strip clubs to get their rocks off watching other womens bodies.
Its seedy, disrespectful and sad.
I would not want to spend my life with someone who had the above character flaws and felt ok to lie to me Shock.

OP,
If you are wrong (and I do hope you are) you are going to have to eat a rather large helping of humble pie Grin

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2012 14:03

she isn't trying to control where he goes though is she? she's trying to find out if he has been there and if he has lied about it

Yes she is.

She doesn't like strip clubs so she doesn't want him going to them.

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 14:03

I know i was BU. One of those things you watch yourself doing and you're like 'stop you crazy woman!'

worra I get the message.

OP posts:
antsypants · 11/02/2012 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Moveslikejagger · 11/02/2012 14:03

Why don't you trust him anyway? Has he given you reason not to before and you're worried about the same thing happening?

coraltoes · 11/02/2012 14:04

Has the friend replied?

RaisingEmbers · 11/02/2012 14:04

So he's in trouble if he did go and lied.
He'd be in trouble if he did go and told you about it.

Let's hope he didn't go, then the only one in trouble is you, OP.

ilovesooty · 11/02/2012 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

fluffiphlox · 11/02/2012 14:05

So he lies (possibly) and you don't trust him and check up on him by misrepresenting yourself. Sounds like a relationship built on sand.

thisisyesterday · 11/02/2012 14:05

"She doesn't like strip clubs so she doesn't want him going to them."

why is that a problem?

would you be fine with your partner visiting strip clubs and lying about it?

i wouldn't be. i don't like strip clubs and i would not want my dp to go to one. how is that unreasonable?

crystalglasses · 11/02/2012 14:06

What would you do if you found out he was lying?

cocobeefsteak · 11/02/2012 14:06

Er, no - she said she'd leave the relationship if it transpired that he went.

Anyway why shouldn't a partner attempt to influence the other if if they think something they do whilst legal is morally wrong? Would you stand aside and let someone drink themselves to death because it was their choice? Alcohol is legal if you're over 18 after all.

Moveslikejagger · 11/02/2012 14:08

Blimey, some posters are stating that 'he goes to strip clubs and lies about it' like it's a matter of fact. The OP doesn't even know that's what happened yet, she's guessing.