To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

[JamRagRolyPoly]

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' .

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

what are you going to do now Jamragrolypoly? Is the relationship over?

What are you going to do now? Is there anyone near by you can go and get pissed with? Probably a bad idea just what i'd do

Why should she apologise? She's insecure and paranoid and unfortunately has been proven right, she was out of order, but then he is a lying twat who should have the backbone to say to his partner that he wasn't going to be dictated to.

theincrediblebee are you a surrendered wife?

JamRagRolyPoly

Actions really do speak louder than words but your DP is disrespecting you with both!

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

Shes not paranoid when it turns out he is a lying twat!

And he might decide he doesn't care to be in a relationship with someone who goes through his phone and uses it deceitfully.

IMO both parties are at fault and the relationship doesn't seem at all healthily grounded.

I don't know what a surrendered wife is so maybe/maybe not.

I was just trying to be helpful. :(

I can see why he'd lie to spare her feelings. I feel bad for her. I'd like them to sort things out.

Never mind.

YY TheParanoidAndroid

I wouldnt want to be with a partner who supported the sex industry.

We all have our standards. Its hardly controlling to object to your partner doing something you find morally reprehensible.

The text thing was wrong but the OP knows that.

For the record I think if a man posted the same story about his partner frequenting bars where men acted in the same way as the women in strip clubs, he wouldnt be called a controlling abuser.

But male strippers are really not in the same league as female ones. Different dynamic altogether.

Sorry OP. This is horrible for you. I hope you can work it out but if this is part of a pattern it may be better to back away now.

Not easy though is it

I think iim going to stay with my sister tonight.

Can't bear to be in same room as him now.

There's me planning a family together, looking towards our future while he's got nude women around him.

I may not be perfect but I deserve better, I'm a good person.

What's horrible is, he knew I wouldn't like it but still went and lied to me.

I don't know what to do

the women who work there might well be there through choice, OffMeTrolley but the 1st part of your post, the quote starting 'Because those sorts of clubs..' is still true.

women may 'choose' to work there (that's a whole other thread/debate) but the reason the clubs exist is purely for the amusement of men, not to provide a wage for the workers.

this thread will just turn into a bun fight now, like they all do

jamrag I am really sorry this happened to you, my sympathy for you is clear

pm me if you wish x

To those saying "unhealthy relationship" you are basing that on this one thread. You dont know my whole relationship. We don't often do this sort of thing on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

We have a great relationship, hence the ttc a family etc

I'd repost in 'relationships', if I were you, OP.

JamRag

i think putting some space between you and your P is a good idea, sorry you've had this shock.

it's horrible to have been proved right in a situation like this

A great relationship where you don't trust him? A great relationship where you use his phone to stalk him? A great relationship where your feelings don't seem to matter or your prefences don't count?

and you do know that they aren't all their by choice? There have been many many proven cases of trafficked women and girls being forced to work as strippers as well as prostitutes.

Jam, go spend some time with your sister, he sounds like a waste of space lying sack of shit, horrible thing to happen, if AIBU did hugs I would send one

If you have a great relationship the stay, talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel.

Tell him you see it as cheating, he may not know that. It does honestly sound as though he lied to save you from feeling upset. He's probably feeling ashamed and embarrassed.

Something like this can be sorted out. Honestly.

Thank you AF.

Also thank you to everyone else offering support. I know what I did was wrong, it really was stupid but like fruitcake said upthread, deep down I knew he went and needed to know. I shoildve just asked him again and again.

To those of you saying I'm awful etc I really hope you never find yourselves in this situation, where someone you love lies to your face about something so despicable. Have fun with your perfect relationships

And you said he had done "questionable things before", which obviously contribute to your insecurity. Doesn't sound like a great relationship to me.

incredible sorry for being harsh before, I'm very upset. I did tell him I see it as cheating and he just rolled his eyes. Twat