To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

[JamRagRolyPoly]

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' .

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

so worra, no-one should take their partners feelings into consideration?

There's a difference between taking your partners feeling into consideration and allowing them to project their feelings onto you and control where you go.

It would seem that's often the reason for the lies in these cases, because it's easier to lie than to put up with the tears and tantrums.

I don't care one way or another about strip clubs and my DH hasn't been inside a bar for about 4yrs (not a drinker)

But I do have a problem with controlling people...be they male or female.

And the OP does sound extremely controlling to me, especially by sending that text.

I don't like strip clubs either, but I know my DH has been to them a couple of times. I am fine with it as long as I know about it. I would hate to find out that he'd been secretly, that's much seedier, and I would have huge insecurities if he was hiding things from me. Lying about it is what changes it for me.

how is she controlling where he goes???

she asked him if he went.
now she would like to know if he is lying.

what bit of that is controlling where he goes? she didn't stop him going out, she hasn't said he can't go out,

Christ on a bike!!

Yes she was being a bit of a dick checking her DPs messages and using his phone, but it doesn't make her the root of all evil!

Shes got 'issues' from her past and gave into temptation.

It shouldn't be a hanging offence.

Going to a strip club though...........

I guess it is more of a trust issue then thisisyesterday. And everyone knows relationships are built on trust.

and again, if DP wanted to go to a strip club then yes, I woul absolutely try and persuade him not too, and I would hope that he would realise it is something I feel very strongly about and that he would appreciate that it would make me pretty unhappy.

likewise, if I wanted to do something that he really disapproved of, and he asked me not to do it then I probably wouldn't

if we all just did whatever we wanted all the time it would be a pretty horrid world

YABU, he said he didn't go and you either believe him or not, you don't go through their phone and trick their friends.

I don't think you're being remotely respectful to him by texting pretending to be him and checking his phone.

You asked: he told you. If you can't accept his word your relationship's going nowhere.

I would not go near a strip club, they are exploitative and play to the male fantasy that women are biddable sexual creatures bread to please... However, I know people who do go, and you know what?

It's none of my damn business.

Worry about the things that ate certain, like a man who is going to get a random text from a mate and realise its been sent.

Although I feel it is probably not the first time there have been issues with controlling behaviour in this relationship

He's done some questionable things before and swore blind to my face it was nothing. Doing this was a way for me to see if he is capable of lying to my face

You sound like you have trust ishoos

I think it's unfair for the both you if you are in a relationship where you can't trust his answer he gives you.

What time did his mate send the message?

It's your business if the person you're considering spending years with has different views on strip clubs to you though antsypants.

It's not controlling to say that this is a dealbreaker for you and you will not be in a relationship with someone who goes to them. The partner then has the choice to remain in a relationship with you and not go, or to leave the relationship if strip clubs are more important to them than you are (though I wouldn't think much of a man that would prioritise them over actual interpersonal relationships)

The texting is a different thing though - it doesn't sound like a healthy thing to do in a relationship. The lack of trust would worry me if it was my own relationship.

I just admitted everything to him and he admitted he did go. I'm in tears. He LIED my face.

JamRag, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to spend your life with a man who is a user of the sex industry, and don't let anyone tell you it's wrong to feel like that

But from what you have said, you don't trust your dp about lots of things

this is no way to live, is it ?

ah, sorry cross posted

oh dear

I wonder why he felt he had to lie to you?

Is he upset that you went behind his back too?

now you are going to get posts saying that you made him lie, because he knew what your reaction would be

that is no basis for a relationship, and I would not spend my life with a man who does this

crunch time for you

you tolerate his use of the sex industry or you don't

you turn a blind eye to the fact that he lied to make you STFU, or you don't

your call

Oh dear, I'm sad for you I really am, its gutting to be lied to.
Now you need to work out which is worse. The going, or the lying about it.
And if he lied about it was it to protect (himself) you?