Hi Jam, sorry I' late to all of this. I am in a similar situation. I always made my views on strip clubs perfectly clear and D?H agreed that he would not go. However 3 kids later. He goes out to the local for a few pints on a Saturday night saying he will only be a couple of hours. Then rolls in at 4.30, too drunk to get up the stairs. The next morning I pick his coat up off the floor and there is a cash machine receipt for £200 from the strip club on the floor. I go upstairs to ask WTF he has been up to for that kind of money and he says nothing I haven't had a shag or anything! Tried talking to him but just got the silent treatment. He later says he was too drunk and can't remember much but that he went with loads of people from the pub (which did turn out to be true, I must live in a seedy village).
I almost left him, found a house and looked into how I would support 3 kids (7, 20 months and 4 months). However, after much apologising for hurting me and promising never to go again. I agreed to stay as I feel that most of our relationship is good and worth saving. Also, I really want my kids to have a family. His point of view did not change, he still sees nothing wrong with strip clubs, but agreed not to go because it hurts me so much.
The very next time he went out, he went again. He was late back. I asked him if he had been there. He looked me in the eye and said no. Just as I was going up to bed he said i'll be up in a minute, he had something in his hand and was heading towards the bin. I took these of him, a train ticket and another receipt for the same club! I was and still a heart broken. I didn't have another argument left in me. So I just said what do you think should happen now. He said he thinks he is close to having a drink problem and has seriously cut down drinking and has again promised not to go to these places. Also, has cancelled a boys holiday he was going to go on.
I will probably get a flaming for not being cool with strip clubs, or not leaving when i'm so hurt. As this seems like quite a cruel thread. I have stayed we are trying to work things out. Having children does make a difference to how much I will tolerate, as more is at stake. It is not just my future but also my children's.
Anyway, I truly hope that you are starting to feel better. My only advice is, only you know if the relationship is generally good and worth saving. If you decide to leave, don't worry about being alone. The world has many lovely people and one of them WILL be right for you. If you decide to stay, get to know each other better and maybe wait a little while longer before having children.
As for me and DH we still love each other, he is trying to make things up to me. Trusting him is hard and I feel like I am waiting for the next betrayal. Hoping and praying that it won't happen.
To all nasty posters, i'm not looking for your opinions. I just wanted to offer some advice from someone else in the same boat as OP. I'm in tears writing this. So don't be mean.