To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

[JamRagRolyPoly]

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' .

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

There was me thinking Japanese baths were just like our baths, I feel richer for knowing they are in fact deep. In fact so rich I might retire early myself

If you want a different kind of man and a different kind of life then make a different kind of choice. Really. Only you hold the key to change in this situation. He will continue to behave in the way you enable him to.

You have received some really good advice on here and whilst it is your relationship/your choice the longer you leave things the easier it becomes to 'sweep it under the carpet'. Do you plan on vetting his behaviour for the foreseeable future if you don't trust him now? That won't work, surely? Will you ever trust him again?

Have you considered what would happen if you had a baby in the mix and he hadn't changed or reverted back to this type of behaviour? How would you feel having this argument with him again with a newborn asleep in it's cot? THAT would be stuck, not as you are now.

If moving out and starting again is something that is seriously stopping you (as you posted up earlier) then you just have to look at the women who post on here regularly desperately trying to leave their abusive husbands with their children in tow. All of the feelings that come with that in relation to their marriage breakdown, the turmoil of their children, the legal wrangling, the reality of trying to support themselves and their kids is huge when you compare it against moving out from a relationship with no children or legal ties. Those women have made a choice and acted on it whilst being very scared and fearful of what their future holds.

Not all men behave in that way or think it is acceptable. Not all men are dismissive of their partner's feelings or think so low of women. If you believe you are entitled to a better relationship then don't settle for second best. Seriously, life is too long to spend it with the wrong person and too short when you do find the right person. We all get scared from time to time but if fear is the only thing that is stopping you making the choice you want/need then find the courage. You have it within you, honestly.

I hope you can do something that makes your life better, you deserve it.

That's a great post Sparkle.

While I believe that everyone deserves a chance to make a change to their behaviour, it's so important to remember that there are so many lovely, kind men who don't think it is their right to treat women as sex objects, lie to their partners about their movements or use drugs. Who aren't afraid of standing up for their beliefs, even if it makes them unpopular or the subject of school-boy derision. Men who know their own minds and have strong enough characters to live by their principles.

I think u are controlling and isn't it up to u
Where he goes on a night out? If u don't want to go fine but if he wants to then surely as an adult that's up to him, u are acting like pet and owner and texting his friend pretending to b u makes u look a bit crazy tbh.

Where's the fun here?

They are very deep. Right up to y'er neck.
Love 'em and will miss 'em.
Not not enough to keep working just so I can keep having them.

p.s Yep, good idea to give your dp a few scenarios to play with. What would he do etc
Again, good luck.
Your life is indeed long, you are young, you can afford to really think about this.

Sigh, wish I could edit spelling mistakes.

Where's the fun? Mmm let me see, should I just put on my heels and pop off to the local LDC and have some fun ?

Cos it's sooooo much fun to see women being degraded and humiliated for a bit of money isn't it?

Or maybe I should get me into a gang of hen-nighters going to see a male stripper? That would be an equaliser eh? Just a bit of fun eh? Maybe not. (Maybe all us hardened hairy man-haters are missing out? Oh, except a lot of us are happily married, so that blows that one out of the water).

Disclaimer: I'm not hardened, hairy, fat or a man-hater (did I miss anything?)

I'd just like to say as I'm 'feeling' the love that I'm not a man-hater...one specific man I know is rather lovely... Swoon

Sickly I know...I do apologise!

No I didn't mean the fun in his night out, I mean in your relationship.

I think you may be letting your desire for a baby set the agenda. It's not unusual but it's best to be aware of that.

Btw u did post it as aibu and so see
To b asking a question. Yes I think you are but that's my opinion, you are perfectly entitled to ignore it.

All I think is you shouldnt be checking his phone anyway, dictating his movements or texting his friend pretending to b him.

It's kind of wired and desperate .

Have you actually read any of the thread thebody? It's like going back to page1 reading your posts.

I'm going to stay at my mums for a few days, need some space.

Thanks for all the advice

Good luck jam. I hope you resolve this one way or another.

keep in touch, Jam go with YOUR heart, not anyone elses

Good luck jam :)

What is all this reverse psychology bollocks on the OP - what, you're going to feel sorry for a man who has potentially lied to his partner????

I would have done exactly the same thing as you. You thought that he had lied, so for your own peace of mind, you decided to check up on him? There's nothing wrong with the fact that you wanted honest answers.

Just remember that some posters want this man 'punished' and they are doing it via you.

SF
You espouse a load of bollox.
'want him punished'
?

"You espouse a load of bollox.
'want him punished'"

Well BP, you were the one claiming, later established to be a vacuous claim, that he wasn't sorry enough. He apparently needed to kiss quite a bit of arse before you would have decided he was sorry enough, despite you not actually having a clue how sorry he was at that time.

I was addressing the OP, Baypolar. Yes, punished by the OP leaving him.

are you still wittering on about the poor misunderstood drug using stripper gawping liar and his nasty emotional girlfriend? Right on, sister!