To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

[JamRagRolyPoly]

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' .

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

sorry jam as you can see everyone seemed to go a bit crazy inbetween now and your last post. He does need to make it right but it doesn't sound like he thinks he should? Please don't waste your time with someone who isn't worth your time, effort and love when you want someone to have a family with.

OP, I'm so sorry for you. It sounds like he's just burying his head and waiting for the storm to blow over. Until he actually takes the time to communicate with you how he feels about all this you will be none the wiser I'm afraid.

Strawberry, what things? Strip clubs? Already said he admitted to twice

Jam I am coming to this late. But you say you'll have to put more effort in. Really? He is the one that did something wrong and you are the one that has to put more effort in. Can you not see how twisted that is? He should be bowing down, kissing your feet and trying his damnedest to make it up to you (all metaphorically obviously - before someone on this very odd thread accuses me of being controlling etc) not the other way round.

So if someones partner went to Amsterdam, where sex with a prostitute IS legal, would that make it ok? IF they made prostitution legal in the UK, does that give every married man free reign to go and have sex with a prostitute...well, after all, it's legal?

I don't know, would it? I suspect in the majority of relationships no it wouldn't be ok. I guess it depends on what you as an individual regard as cheating.

But the Dutch as a society have decided brothels are a socially acceptable concept. Therefore whatever one's morals they exist as a part of that society.

no, has he made plans? made you feel special? made tea?

The problem you have is if he hasn't he will feel like he has to and when he does and feels like he should have been forgiven he may start to resent you if you expect it in the future.

hand no I meant HE has to put more effort in, sorry.

I'm going to see what happens this week. I'm still in shock tbh so I'm not making decisions now. How he reacts after this will tell me if he's worth keeping

Jam what strikes me, is that those things you are saying he should do to prove himself to you - isn't he doing them already? My DH does, all the time, just because he loves me. He isn't making amends for anything, or trying to get into my good books, he just does them.

Sorry I misread your post of 21:28. You are right he should be making a lot more effort. But it doesn't sound like he will from what you say. Making you tea is a pretty low benchmark though!

running I think he's also in shock at my reaction, me saying I might leave him. This is what he does when I'm upset but after he's had a good think about what he's done he will want to talk more. I'm not going to let him bury his head with this

Or what Ali said!

Most Dutch people find prostitution totally unacceptable actually, they also find smoking marijuana totally unacceptable. Again legal does not = socially acceptable.

Would you smoke in a car with all of the windows done up with a baby in the back?
Would you walk around wearing 2 belts a la Jodie Marsh 10 years ago?

Not the most sophisticated of examples, true, but they are also legal and not 'socially acceptable'.

You're right Ali not good examples, yes he makes me tea can't think straight right now, been up most of the night

Most Dutch people find prostitution totally unacceptable actually

Yet again, please substantiate....

Yy Boodles exactly - morality and legality, not always the same.

Strips clubs - legal - dealbreaker in my relationships.

Prostitution - illegal - dealbreaker, obviously, given the above.

Recreational drug taking - not legal - but not necessarily a deal breaker in my relationship (since no other ladeez naked bits involved....)

Strip this back to it's bare bones and take the emotive subject out.

OP clearly has different morals to her OH ( And for the uneducated morals do not equal standards).

Therefore she has a choice. She either lives with that within the relationship or leaves him.

It's a simple choice and i fail to see why there is such conjecture over it.

Although to be frank I wouldn't be too impressed if dh went and did a load of coke one night tbh, but in my eyes (my opinion) it wouldn't be as serious as visiting a strip club.

Very understandable jam, the not thinking straight. :)

Do take some time to sort out how you feel here, because you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. I hadn't met my DH yet when I was your age, and he is a better man than I ever thought I would be lucky enough to find.
I think what I'm trying to say, is that if this is the end of this relationship then it isn't the end, so don't let that fear influence your thinking.

erm....working in The Netherlands for a year...knowing many many Dutch people and their families. How about you tell me how many Dutch people you know that find these things acceptable? Do you even know one?

And just to point out

Prostitution is legal in the UK...however there are laws banning solicitation, running brothels and phone box advertising etc.

jam - it is something that may take time for you both to sort out, but if you do manage it, you possibly have a chance to build a stronger relationship as a result.

But I was worried by your comments much earlier when you said you were 'stuck'. Please believe that you are not ever stuck with anybody, and actually if you decide he isn't the one for you, then you have plenty of time to find a more like-minded partner (they are out there!).

As someone else said, your whole life is a long time.

agree with Sparks1 completely, this is what it will eventually boil down to.

So snorting a line of coke is ok but viewing the naked female form is not?

You've just proved my point exactly.

Well if prostitution is legal in the uk then that just supports my point even more doesn't it?

How many here are happy for their dh to pop off and see a prostitute of an evening then? It's ok, it's legal, as long as it doesn't involve soliciting.

Have read a fair bit of this thread and, while I understand the OP being upset about being lied to, I think it is probably unrealistic to be able to vet every single aspect of one's partner's behaviour.

Yes, in an ideal world, they would not visit a stip club. Well, I have to say, my partner worked in Germany for a few years in the late 80s/early 90s. He visited quite a few strip clubs with work colleagues - it was sort of what you did to pass the dull evenings in incredibly boring provincials cities in Germany.

To be honest, I couldn't really give a stuff whether anyone shoved their genitals in his face or not. If he enjoyed it - well, good luck to him! That is hardly likely to threaten a real life relationship. He did talk to me about it, I didn't really find it that interesting and neither did he. He found it all quite depressing - so do I.

Sure, there are aspects of the sex industry that are not good, such as women being exploited, but I am not sure it is sensible to make huge assumptions about a personal relationship based on one's partner visiting a strip club.

Presumably he lied about it because he knew you would freak out?